


White Rose of the Normandy

by orphan_account



Series: The Vakarian Cycle [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Romance, Sci-Fi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-06-26
Updated: 2010-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 11:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus felt troubled by his growing affection for humanity's golden girl, so he left the Normandy after the events on the Citadel out of respect for her. Even two years has passed after her apparent death, the feeling didn't faded away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A vivid dream

It had been days since Garrus last slept. The ongoing attacks from the mercenary groups outside of his base had kept him on edge. He scanned the surroundings through the scope of his sniper rifle on the balcony, checking for potential assaults. So far the situation seemed to have quietened down for the moment, apart from the occasional pathetic attempts from the Eclipse snipers who tried to aim their gun at his forehead. After he finished checking over the situation, the turian reached out for stims pack and injected into his system through his omni-tool. As he felt his body rejuvenated from the effects of the stims, he glanced over the corpses that were laid out neatly nearby him.

They were his former squad members, who all living, breathing and fighting for their beliefs before, were now all cold and lifeless in front of him. Garrus felt he had failed them. Two years ago, when he decided to disappear from Citadel Space by relocating himself to Omega, he met them at their worst hour when the unjust acts tormented them. He made a promise to them that he'd make a difference to Omega by bringing retribution to the thugs that tormented the weak. In return, these people followed him and became his crew. As time went by, they repaid him with an undying loyalty, as they were willing to fight for him until the end.

However, there was a traitor in the mist of the crew that shaken his trust lately. A turian named Sidonis, betrayed them by giving away their hideout to the Mercenary groups. He trusted with that turian unconditionally because he was part of his crew at the time. He trained him, they fought off the thugs together and he even saved his pitiful life. For all the things he had done for Sidonis, this was his repayment? Garrus gave out a low growl as he cursed him for not only betraying him and killing off their team but also breaking the unspoken turian code that was empathise within their society: Never abandon your band of brothers at any cost. He gave out a small bitter chuckle at the irony that while other races mistrust humanity greatly, he was betrayed by his own species that were renowned for their loyalty, bravery and honesty.

Garrus shook his head while he blinked his eyes slowly. He felt lost with his life now, unsure about his place in the galaxy. Ever since the news of Commander Shepard's death two years ago, he began to question himself about system as the Council were covering up the real story behind the Citadel attacks. When both the Alliance and the Council slandered her posthumously, by announcing that her testimonies about the Reaper threat were nothing more than her delusions from a psychological trauma episode to the public, he just couldn't take it anymore. He refused the idea of falling back in line and listen to those political airheads bickering over small trivial things while being forced to turn his back against other people who were in dire need of help.

As the result, he decided to disappear from Citadel Space and start up his own team to clean up the unruly thugs in the rough streets of Omega; hoping to make a difference, while attempting to ignite that small flame just to keep the memory of her alive. With all the good deeds he had attempted in the past two years, along with instilling her fighting mantra and idealism into his crew, he was quite proud of his work. Garrus wondered what Shepard would think of this if she was still alive. He knew she'd be slightly unhappy with him back-pedaling his word, since she's the one who encouraged him to rejoin C-Sec in the first place. However he's convinced that he honoured her memory well enough by having zero civilian casualties during their assault on the mercenaries. As she always empathised him many times before, civilians first...

Then he heard more angry shouts from the other side of the boulevard. He knew that he would not be making out of this assault alive, he was outnumbered heavily. Three major Mercenary organisations and a large horde of freelancers versus one lone turian. Despite the grim situation, Garrus didn't care about saving his own life anymore. With crew all dead because of his fatal mistake, he felt that his own death was the only way he could make up for them. Besides, he was willing to see Shepard again when they reunite together in the void, if the turian religion was true to their words. However, before he was willing to let himself go into the cold void, he wanted to bring these mercenary bastards along with him, for wiping out his team.

He loaded up his sniper rifle with heat sink cartridges before scanning the surroundings, looking for a target that he can vent his anger with a bullet between their eyes. Soon enough, he saw a human scout from the Eclipse faction, who was shooting at him with her assault rifle at the distance. He quickly ducked behind the barricade, waiting for the human to give up. As soon the shots were died down, he peeked over the barricade, looking for an expose weakness. Fortunately, the human was inexperienced enough that she carelessly exposed her upper body to his view through the scope. Without wasting a second, he looked through the scope and pulled the trigger. A few seconds later, he heard a painful squeal echoed into the distance. His mandible lowered down, revealing a satisfying smirk behind the intimidating sharp fangs. As he continued to look in the scope, double checking to make sure the human is dead, all of a sudden his body twitched nervously, as he saw a familiar face that he least expected to see.

Commander Shepard.

Garrus shook his head in bewilderment. Shepard was dead. He was sure of it, especially with Joker being the witness to her final moments before she went down with the Normandy. However, in his own sight through the scope, the esteemed human woman was right there, still breathing and glowing with health as if she never died. Garrus shook his head hard again before taking another look, he was expecting that his delusional imagination would fade away. However the image of the long dead Spectre were vivid and lifelike in his eyes, much to his confusion.

The Commander lifted her head up high, her amber eyes glimmered with warmth as she locked her sights to meet his eyes. He loaded up a concussive round into gun and was about to shoot at her when he started to hesitate. Garrus realised that he was afraid to face the cold hard truth as soon he pulled the trigger, that Shepard was nothing more than a vivid dream. Hallucination or not, the sight of her gave him some solace. Especially for the past two years, he felt lonely within the galaxy. From the day the he left Citadel Space to his current predicament, he had missed his human friend greatly, the only person who knew him well. He relaxed his grip on the trigger, he couldn't push the illusion away from his mind and face bleak reality. Even if the hallucination would be the death of him, Garrus was more than happy to let his wishful imagination to continue to mess with his mind.

Then all of a sudden a mercenary climbed over the barrier and tried to shoot him with a grenade launcher, the large blast just narrowly missed him through his own luck. Garrus peeked over the balcony and quickly retaliated back by shooting him between the eyes. Unfortunately, after he got rid of the mercenary, Shepard disappeared from his sights. He was deeply disappointed, his good friend was merely a dream and the real Shepard was still dead within the cold void. He about to lament when he heard more angry cries from the other side. The freelancers were storming towards his base.

He quickly got up from his hiding spot and took a few more freelancers out on the boulevard. His senses with the surroundings became a blur as he continued to snipe the opposition, each trigger he pulled became second nature to him. Garrus set his sight to another human freelancer through the scope when he heard a dull painful snap, just before freelancer slumped down into the pavement like a heavy sack. He didn't need to find the person who killed the unfortunate man, as Shepard appeared again, this time looking down at the corpse while cracking her knuckles. Now he knew why some of the human civilians still believe angels, those superstitious beings that they tend to blindly place their trust onto. When he saw Shepard gracefully walk down the boulevard, her body being shrouded by her biotic aura, giving her an ethereal appearance; Garrus was convinced that she was an angel, who was coming for him in his darkest hours. He felt refresh again and continued to snipe the freelancers mercilessly.

The Commander continued to stride through the boulevard with two other human companions following behind her, watching her flank. Garrus couldn't recognised them but he's wasn't going to complain if they were on Shepard's side. Then she waved her arms casually in the air, grabbing another freelancer that was separated from the pack. Her eyes turned darker with subtle rage. As she tighten her fingers into her palm before crushing his spine with her biotic powers. The rest of the infiltration team looked at her in horror as she tossed the lifeless corpse aside like a rag doll before glowering at them. While they started to circled around Shepard and her recon team reluctantly, Garrus twitched his mandibles anxiously for her safety and lowered his eye towards the scope quickly. However, a few seconds later, the freelancers were dead before he could pull the trigger. Their corpses looked mangled, being twisted violently by a singularity that the Commander summoned it in the middle of the boulevard. When the dark violet whirlwind faded away, Shepard and her companions continued to walk down towards his direction calmly.

There was a small chill in his veins after he watched her killing the freelancers mercilessly. Garrus remembered back then during their hunt for Saren, her eyes were revealing all sort of emotions whenever they were in a fight, ranging from her irises turning dull from remorse to them being brightened by her anger. Despite the violent situation at those times, it revealed that beneath a stoic Spectre, she was just a normal human being. Now, she seemed to look cold and almost emotionless, unmoved by the sight of their painful death by her own hands, the warmth inside of her irises faded away along with her humane heart. He wondered she was still the human that he knew her two years ago, but her ruthlessness made him think otherwise. He started to think of her as a deathly phantom, who waited for him to die so she can lead him into the void.

He pondered though about Shepard's sudden change when he saw a freelancer sneaking around the boulevard, ducking behind rubbish bins, looking nervous and jittery. He carefully realigned his rifle, using the cursor in his scope to aim at the unlucky freelancer's direction. While he waited for him to expose his head in clear view, the door opened behind him, revealing Shepard and her companions, pointing their guns at him. While her companions circled around him, the Commander step forward, still pointing her sub-machine gun cautiously at him.

"Archangel?" Shepard asked.

Garrus felt his heart beating faster, his illusion of her became more vivid as she got closer to him. As he was about to take off his helmet to reveal himself when he heard a tiny whimper down below the level. Then he remembered about the freelancer. Garrus lifted his talon close to his face, gesturing her to keep the noise down. She nodded quietly at him and waved her hand back at her team to lower their guns. He turned back towards the scope and quietly watched over the balcony.

The unfortunate freelancer was peeking around the corner, exposing his head to Garrus' scope. He quickly lined up the cursor at the freelancer's throat and pulled the trigger. A few seconds later, the bullet slammed into the freelancer's neck, spurting out blood like a small, deep red fountain as he gave out a small agonising choking sound before collapsing to the ground. Garrus watched over him cautiously until he was sure that the stray freelancer had died, in a quick, clean, merciful death. After the freelancer was dealt with, Garrus laid his sniper rifle down gingerly and then slowly approached Shepard, trying to get a closer look at her.

He felt Shepard's eyes tracing every movement from his body, giving him an uneasy look as she took a few steps towards him. He knew her cautious nature too well, so as a small gesture of trust between them, he took his helmet off to reveal his face. As he gently sat on top of the supply crate nearby her, Shepard's eyes were widened in surprise at the reunion. The cold pragmatic mask faded away when her mouth twitched into a joyous smile.

"Garrus!" Shepard cried out loud at him.

The turian watched her with weary eyes as she opened her arms wide while quickly walking up to him. Shepard was about to give him a hug when she realised that her team mates were behind her, watching their conversation. In her attempt to re-establish her Commanding Officer stance, she relaxed her arms and refrain herself from embracing him. However she couldn't hide her delight at seeing her old friend. As Garrus watched her grinning childishly at him, he almost felt at peace and content with the galaxy once more, if it weren't for them being stuck in the middle of a war zone. Still he didn't care about the current situation nor did he feel silly if he was talking to himself, as long this vivid dream would continue to linger in his sight.

"Shepard... I thought you were dead," Garrus remarked.

"I _was_ Garrus, but they booted me out of hell because I'm too much trouble for them."

The turian chuckled at her snide reply. He was glad that Shepard didn't changed much as he thought she would be, especially after seeing her ruthless streak a few minutes ago.

"So what are you doing here?" Shepard asked.

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

* * *

Garrus lost track of time as he continued to chat about the events that happened during the past two years with Shepard. He noticed that she seemed to be more quiet and evasive about her 'death' whenever he tried to pry into her story, instead Shepard gently bit her lip while shifting her eyes away from his. Probably a part of the imagery illusion going through the motions, due to the lack of explanation of her 'absence' in the past two years, but he didin't mind. With lack of interaction in the past couple of days and constantly hearing the ugly hostile growls coming from the mercenary faction leaders barking orders to their lackeys; hearing Shepard's voice was like music to his ears, soothing enough to peel off the tensions from his shoulders.

However, their warm heartfelt conversation came to a sudden stop when the yelling from the enemy lines came to a deathly silence. Garrus felt unnerved by the sudden silence, which usually meant that they are about to prepare for another assault to his base. He quickly hopped down from the crates and glanced over the balcony while clutching his sniper rifle tightly with his talons.

He configured the settings for his gun, when Shepard asked him gently, "How did you get into this mess?"

Garrus frowned. He wasn't emotionally ready to answer, with the death of his crew and Sidonis' betrayal still fresh in his mind. Garrus had lost his words with guilt and grief. He wasn't sure how he would answer to her, without revealing his vulnerable side to her. While he tried to think up an evasive reply, at the corner of his eye sight, he saw the first wave of mechs marching towards their base. The sight of those hostiles made him feel exhausted. He look back her with his tired dull blue eyes. Still unsure if it's a illusion, Garrus decided to test this image by making a small plea, he hoped that this human being is really an actual spirit entity that appeared to save him from the worst hour of his life.

"I'll tell you what Shepard. Help me to get out of here alive and I'll explain the whole thing."

* * *

His plea worked.

While Shepard's companions went down to the ground level to cover flank, the Commander stayed behind with Garrus on the balcony, sniping the incoming mercenaries that were rushing onto the boulevard. The turian took a quick peek at her, as she continued to snipe at them relentlessly, he could not helped but stare at the small soft patch of hair on her head. Unlike the head fridge on female turians or the asari, that small patch seem to be delicate and fluttery, which seem to be alien to his aesthetic senses.

Then a stray bullet just narrowly missed the right side of Garrus' face, instead it hit the steal part of the barrier, the high-pitched metallic ringing sound waking him out of his musing haze.

"Garrus, pay attention! If you were that distracted during the Skyllian Blitz, you would be dead by now," Shepard snapped at him, before tossing a singularity sphere in the middle of the boulevard.

A small chuckle came out Garrus' mouth involuntary. Ironically, her fiery headstrong personality didn't match her delicate appearance, with her flimsy hair and transparent skin. As he gunned down a few more unfortunate faceless thugs, Shepard twitched her right hand, casting a biotic bolt at the singularity vortex. The turian shielded his eyes behind his arm as the singularity combusted into a one spectacular violet ball of light, after the bolt got into with the central vortex. Garrus raised one of his eyelids at her.

"Is this how you deal with the pirates when they tried to raze Elysium back then?"

"Sort of, except over here, I'm only doing half the effort of it. That other effort that I've slacking off, you've picked it up for me."

Garrus shook his head. It was typical with the Commander, even in the middle of a heated battle, she still kept her cool while throwing a few sarcastic quips once in a while. Something he admired in her in the first place, most turians he worked for during his time in the military in his youth tended to be serious within the battlefield. While they normally took a stern, grim approach to a mission, she preferred to face the impending dangers with 'gallows humour', a human term for being whimsical within a hazardous situation. Despite being inappropriate during those missions, he was glad that she approached it in a sardonic way. It helped him to feel at ease at times like this.

Then a buzzing emitted into the air as Shepard's radio interface came to life, she gently pressed the tiny earpiece with her index finger. There was an uneasy look on her face as they both heard gunshots firing rapidly, like hail in the background of the transmission, as one of her companions quickly called in frantically.

" _Shepard! Do you read me? It's Miranda, w_ _e're taking heavy fire down here by the B_ _lue Suns mercs, we're going to need back up from you soon. Come down here asap."_

All the sudden, Garrus started to feel a little sad. Like every reoccurring dreams he had with her for two years, it always ended with her leaving him, just before he woke up back to reality. A part of him wanted Shepard to stay with him, since he wanted the dream to continue, but his subordinate instinct kicked in as he quietly forced himself not to express his wishes, since the turian upbringing taught him listen to his superiors and fall back in line without question. Unfortunately, he still looked up to her as his commanding officer.

Shepard gave him a worried look. "Garrus, I hate to leave you alone like this but there's too many mercs from the Blue Suns downstairs..."

"It's ok, Shepard. I understand... Just go and help them."

The human woman bit her lip gently as she reluctantly nodded back at him before quickly rushing to the door. Before she left the room, she looked back and gave him her parting words.

"I'll be back as soon these mercs are dealt with. I promise."

Then Shepard disappeared, the dream had finally come to an end once more.

Garrus shook his head, trying to remind himself that he still had a job to finish, he continued to gun down the mercenaries from above while he pushed his personal feelings behind him. A few minutes later after he killed all of the team who tried to rush through the boulevard, he ran out of thermal clips for his sniper rifle to his dismay. He started to search frantically around him, looking for a spare clip, when all the sudden a gunship appeared out of nowhere outside of the base. A familiar voice that he despised was heard over the gunship's speakers.

" _Archangel, this ends now!"_

He tried to dodge the incoming rocket but the blast radius managed to knock him into the air, before landing back on the ground hard. The surroundings became a blur to his sight as he was about to pass out from the unbearable pain, before the world became darker to him, he heard another familiar voice, this time a soft feminine tone calling out to him.

"Garrus!"

Then everything went black.

* * *

 _A small purple light blinded his eyes._ _It took him a moment before his perception became clear again. He was back at Citadel Station, at one of the docking ports where the SSV Normandy was parked. Garrus saw a familiar human figure_ who _was leaning on the rails at the top of the ramp, watching over the ward's arms silently. The turian approached the figure nervously, carefully treading his footsteps without making a slightest noise. As he took a step closer, the figure_ _peeked over her shoulder at his direction, it was Shepard._

 _She was still wearing her standard Alliance naval uniform, the usual clean and professional look, except for her hair. It was usually tied up neatly according to military procedures, but tonight Shepard didn't bother to tied her hair for some reason, instead she allowed it to flow down to her shoulders. The stray gentle curls on her cheek, the soft dark_ _eyes and the purple ambient_ _light that was gently cast over her pale skin. It gave her an air of bittersweet grace,_ _which is something he hasn't see_ _n with the Commander before._

" _Commander?"_

 _The human Spectre smiled gently at him, "Garrus... I've heard that C-Sec accepted you back into the force, Am I_ _right?"_

 _Garrus quietly answered_ _back with a slow nod. Shepard nodded back in acknowledgment before walking towards him, while trying to hide something behind her back. As she took a few steps closer to him, he noticed her eyes twinkled as if she's trying to suppress her true feelings._

" _Well... I wish I could celebrate with you down at Flux... but it's closed now and I'll be leaving in_ _a couple few minutes, " Shepard frowned._

" _It's ok, Commander. No need to do that_. _I didn't really quit C-Sec for good or anything like that... it's more a long term leave."_

" _Well, there is something I could give you... it's not much but it did help me make it through the tough moments."_

 _Shepard took his talon into her hand and his fli_ _pped palm upwards. He watched in curiosity as she placed her steel chain necklace that was intertwine_ _d with her dog tags._

 _And the silver rose ring._

 _When he realised she's giving away her treasured ring that sh_ _e'd been keeping close to her since childhood, he tried to give it back to her but she quickly closed his talons and held it back away from her._

" _Shepard... I mean, Commander! I can't exactly take that! This is the only thing you have left from Mindoir," Garrus protested._

" _And it's been keeping me safe since then. It's just... I want give you something to remember me by, in case we might not be able to see each other again."_

" _Don't say that! I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."_

 _Despite Garrus' attempt in trying to give her a positive outlook, Shepard just put a brave smile on her face while shaking her head. They both knew their dedications to their own duties w_ _ould keep them apart._

" _I'll be too busy fighting down the front line to watch over you. That's why I'm giving you this."_

" _You're sure about this, Commander?" Garrus asked._

" _Garrus, don't make me pull rank again. You know I hate doing that," Shepard chided him, before clasping his talons that held her gift with both of her hands._

 _The awkwardness between them grew while the human woman looked away from his eyes for a moment, trying to brush off the pink hue on her cheeks. After to she managed to recollect her composure, Shepard continued, "Besides, it would be insulting for the both of us if you died from a robbery heist, at some convenience_ _store on the Citadel. So take it with my blessings. You'll need it."_

 _Then Shepard heard the Normandy's VI announcement. She quickly turned away from him while rushing towards the ship's airlock. As Shepard was about to close the door, she gave Garrus one last look._

" _Goodbye, Garrus."_

 _With a bit of struggle, Garrus barely managed to say his farewell to her, "Goodbye... Shepard."_

 _As the door clos_ _ed front of him, he held the neckpiece tightly into his talons while waiting for the Normandy to unlatch itself and leave. As the ship start up it_ _s drive core engines, there was a flash of light blinding his eyesight again._

* * *

The strong sharp pain woke him up. Garrus was gasping desperately as he clutched his sniper rifle tightly with talons. He wasn't sure how long he was knocked out but the pain, it was so unbearable he wanted to howl, but he could only give out a weak pitiful rumbling moan. It took him a few seconds to realise that he was surrounded by humans. He tried to gather up his last strength to lift his rifle and attempt to attack these unknown visitors, when one of them took the gun away from him. He felt helpless as someone turned his body over, forcing him to face the unknown visitor in plain view. His vision was blurry as he can only see a human woman in red armour. As his visions became slightly clearer, he started to recognise her.

It was Commander Shepard. Not only she came back for him, but she was really alive and breathing. He tried to speak to her but she placed her hand on his mouth, ushering him to keep quiet.

"Garrus, we're going to get you out of here, just hold on," Shepard gently whispered to him while holding his left talon.

A human male gave her a grim look, "Commander, he's in a bad shape."

"I already know that, Jacob! Don't just kneel here, get me that first aid kit box behind you!"

Garrus was trying to keep himself awake, while the Commander tended to his injuries. He didn't want to loose sight from Shepard again but his body was shutting down. He gently pressed his talons against her hand, trying to get her attention. When Shepard looked down on him, he tried to give her a reassured smile, hoping to ease her fears away.

Then he closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep.


	2. The Gilded Cell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: Before I'll get on with the show, I just like to thank Mister Buch for helping me out with this fic. I've never thought writing a romance story is hard, especially when in comes to trying to follow closely to the canon... until now.  
> _

A strong white light flashed onto Garrus' face, causing him to stir from his deep sleep. He softly moaned to himself from the discomfort on the right side of his face and torso. As he struggled to open his eyes, he heard more voices echoing around him, talking over the medical bed he was laying on. He listened-in to their conversation, trying to get sense of his current situation.

"Are you sure that these cybernetics will work? He's been in a comatose state for a long time now."

He had heard that voice before. It was Dr. Chakwas, the Chief Medical Officer from the _SSV Normandy_. Garrus pondered for a moment. Was he back on the _Normandy?_ His head was starting to swim in confusion, was the ship he was on still affiliated with the Alliance? He recalled that Alliance Military ships rarely stopped by the Omega station.

Then he heard another voice, this time a salarian he didn't recognise, "Should be fine. Almost lost him, but in stable condition now..." He took a deep breath before he continued, "Shepard will be pleased to hear the news..."

A sharp jolt of anxiety crept into his mind as soon the doctor mention her name. Before he blacked out on Omega, they were still stuck in a hostile area. His heart started to beat faster, worrying about Shepard's safety. Garrus quickly snapped his eyes open, got up from his bed and yelled.

"Shepard!"

Dr. Chakwas and the salarian quickly rush to his side, trying to calm the agitated turian. It took a few moments before they were able to quieten him and put his mind at ease, by telling him that Shepard was unharmed while evacuating from his base at the time. As the human doctor checked up on Garrus' health, making sure the implanted cybernetics were working in order, the salarian grinned in satisfaction at his latest handiwork.

"Good to see you awake, Garrus. Know you're anxious, but must stay in bed for a while. Still need to heal up those injuries... better not to look in the mirror for now," the salarian doctor warned the turian.

Garrus nursed his right cheek while trying to mumble, "Ugh... Who are you and how did you know my name?"

"Dr. Mordin Solus, assigned as the Chief Science Officer of the _Normandy_. Been looking through your medical records for safety measures. Knowing your personal history is... inevitable."

"Wait a minute... I thought the _Normandy_ was destroyed two years ago. And where's Shepard?"

"Shepard is in a meeting, upstairs in the Comm. room. As for the _Normandy_... It was rebuilt."

"So the Alliance rebuilt it?"

"Uh... Ask Dr. Chakwas, she's been here longer than I have."

The human doctor gave Mordin an unsettled look; they both knew that the turian might not take the real story too well. Dr. Chakwas was trying to find an explanation that might soften the blow. Unfortunately she didn't have time to carefully plan her words, when Garrus managed to pick up the uneasy tension from them. He glared at the both of them, while crossing his arms.

"Doctor, what's going on?" Garrus asked.

Dr. Chakwas sighed, "Vakarian, there are certain things... that you might find hard to take it in."

"Tell me everything about it."

The turian listened in, as the two doctors helped him to catch up on the current events, that lead up to their predicament. While they tried to explain how the both the _Normandy_ and Shepard were "rebuilt" by an extremist human organisation known as Cerberus, Garrus shook his head. He knew the Commander well enough that he trusted her judgement, no matter how unorthodox or insane her methods were, but her recent alliance with Cerberus made him bewildered. Shepard wasn't fond of the organisation as he recalled. In fact she seem to have a heavy vendetta with Cerberus, after seeing her brutal retaliation to their base two years ago. He wondered if they forced her to join them against her own will.

He then felt his blood boil at the thought of seeing Shepard being blackmailed in some way. Garrus quickly hopped off his bed, ignoring the protestation and the concerned remarks from the two doctors, as he picked up his battered armour that was laid neatly beside the bed.

"Wait, wait! Tissue damage on the face and torso still hasn't recovered. Still need to rest before you can walk again!" Mordin called out.

"I'm not going to sit around and do nothing, especially when I'm feeling perfectly fine. Besides, I need to see Shepard now," Garrus replied before he stormed out of the med-bay.

* * *

The Cerberus crew quickly stepped aside for the turian, as he briskly walked his way to the Comm. room. His head swimming in confusion and anger, he tried to figure out how Cerberus managed to restrain her under their control, in fact he started to wonder if they put a 'fail safe' device inside of her during her revival. The more he thought about Shepard being stuck in their mercy, the more he wanted to attack one of the Cerberus operatives on the ship. However, Garrus attempted to keep his cool first, he had known her long enough that she's far from being helpless for the most part. Usually Shepard managed to escape from dire situations like this sooner, unless she had a good reason to linger around here longer.

When he reached the door that lead to the Comm. Room, Garrus leaned his head at the door, trying to hear the discussion going on in the room. However he could only hear muffled voices, mostly coming from Jacob, the human male that accompanied Shepard before on Omega. Garrus took a deep breath, keeping his impulsive anger in check, and opened the door.

"Shepard," the turian called her name out gently.

There was a brief silence as Jacob gave him a bewildered look, while Shepard turned towards Garrus. The heavy anxiety and anger in his chest were lifted as soon she smiled at him in joy.

"Tough son-of-a-bitch. Didn't think he'd be up yet," Jacob remarked as he observed the turian.

Garrus was starting to feel flustered, as the pain on his face reminded him about the blast. He wondered about the injuries on his face, when he remembered about Mordin's reluctance to give him the mirror. Normally he didn't care about his appearance too much, but from the salarian's reaction, it didn't sounded too good. The thought made him shuddered a bit. He started to ask Shepard on how he looked.

Shepard gave him a mischievous grin. "Hell Garrus, you're always ugly. Slap some face paint on there, and no-one will even notice."

Garrus almost gave out a heartily laugh but the pain on the right of his face made him wince and curse. He gritted his teeth while trying to hold his mandibles from flaring out too much, as it seem to cause him more discomfort than he could usually handle. Despite her jovial reply, he felt slightly relieved that she didn't seem to be repulsed from his injuries.

"Some women like facial scars. Mind you, most of those women are krogan," Garrus playfully remarked.

Shepard shook her head gently and blushed. He noticed that she was holding her hands together while she looked away from him, it made him pondered about her current emotions. It was hard for him to figure out human feelings. Unlike his own species, humans could be really ambiguous when expressing themselves to other people at times. Shepard was no exception to this as well.

Jacob silently saluted at the Commander before he left the room. As soon the door closed behind him, Shepard quickly tapped her omni-tool to lock the door. She gave Garrus a concerned look.

"Garrus, you shouldn't be walking around in this state. If you need something, I could get it for you..."

"I'm fine, it's you I'm more worried about... Cerberus. Shepard, do you remember those sick experiments they conducted?"

The turian watched as Shepard bit her bottom lip gently, while giving him an uneasy look. There's something that indicating that the Commander felt uncomfortable about this strange allegiance.

"That's why I need someone like you at my side... I'm walking into hell, Garrus."

Garrus reached out to tap her gently on the shoulder, as he tried to smile at her with some reassurance, "You realised this plan is making me walking into hell too... just like old times."

Shepard smiled back at him with relief, before unlocking the door with her omni-tool.

Garrus gave her a departing courteous nod, "I'm fit for duty Shepard. I'll see what I can do at the Main Battery."

He was about to leave when Shepard called out to him, "Wait! I think you've forgotten something."

Then Shepard fumbled through her pockets, searching for something before pulling out a recognisable steel neckpiece: it was Shepard's old necklace. The one that she gave to him two years ago as a parting gift.

"Catch!" Shepard yelled out, before tossing the neckpiece to him.

The metallic sheen on the chains glistened against the white florescent lights of the _Normandy_ , while Garrus' eyes focused on the necklace, watching it gliding in the air towards him. He reached his hand out and allowed it to land onto his palm, before pulling it back to him. The turian looked down at the neckpiece. Everything was still in good condition, especially the ring insignia. Although the rose shape design looked delicate and fragile, he was surprised that it had managed to survive the harsh ordeal for two years, including the explosion from the gunship.

Shepard gently tapped his shoulder, "See? I knew you were going to need it."

Then she casually strolled out of the room. Once the door closed behind her, Garrus gently rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, feeling nervous from her friendly approach towards him. He shook his head, trying to remind himself not to get distracted by the Commander and focus on his duty. He quickly walked out of the Comm. Room, getting ready to start his task.

* * *

Days has pasted since Garrus rejoined back onto the _Normandy_. It took him a while to settle down and relaxed his guard due to old habits back on Omega, where he's used to being vigilant at every waking minute, watching his back in case some bloodthirsty thug crept out from the shadows and attack him. The bright, vivid lights and the haven refuge within ship was a welcoming change for him.

He tapped rapidly on the orange holographic keyboard with his talons, checking over the mundane statistics of the ship's weaponry, while taking a small sip of his drink from the glass. He was impressed with the improvements of the _Normandy_ , not just the big important specs of the ship, but also little things like accommodations. Despite the frigate was funded and run by Cerberus, they still managed to prepare food properly for species that lived on dextro-amino diet, like his.

Garrus closed his eyes and winced at the memory. Back when he was serving on the old _Normandy_ , someone accidentally slipped a morsel of human food into his supplies, causing him to have stomach cramps for a week. He couldn't blame the Alliance crew since they were inexperienced when it came to contact with non-human species. However, he was surprised with the Cerberus' careful preparation when it comes to alien guests, considering their xenophobic reputation.

His quiet musing was interrupted when a blue holographic sphere popped up in front of him, causing him to jump in fright, almost spilling the drink onto the terminal system.

"EDI!" Garrus yelled at the holographic avatar.

"Have I offended you, Officer Vakarian?" The sphere asked, with a gentle monotone voice.

"Uh... no. Not at all. Just try to warn me the next time when you're checking in... quietly."

"Noted. Also Yeoman Kelly Chambers wants to see you at the Observation Room, when you're ready."

"Understood, I'll be there once I'm done with the calibrations."

"Logging you out, Vakarian."

Garrus wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, once EDI's avatar faded away. The improvements and homely accommodations on the ship were too good to be true. He knew that there's always a catch and EDI's presence on the ship was a big reminder about their current situation. He suddenly remembered why he was wary in the first place, when he rejoined the _Normandy crew_ , while gunning under Cerberus' banner. There wasn't much finesse when it came to freedom of expression, with bugs planted around the ship, monitoring every movement and progress on its crew. Then there was EDI, the ship's AI, who was constantly watching over them all day and night. The familiarity of the ship was merely a facade to the actual situation they are in: It was a cell.

There was a small sigh of resignation after the turian finished up with the weaponry optimisation. If he was going to be locked up, at least they had the courtesy to lock him up in the same cell as Shepard. Garrus adjusted his armour, making sure the collar section didn't chafe his neck, before walking out of the Main Battery.

As he was walking through the Mess Hall, he heard a familiar voice calling out behind him. It was Hawthorne, one of the crewmen of the ship, who usually hung around in the Mess Hall off-duty with a couple of his friends.

"Hey Garrus! We've been thinking about getting a couple of drinks after this shift, want to join us?"

"Have you got any turian drinks on you?" Garrus asked.

"Of course, but I can't guarantee you that the drinks won't taste like ass... by turian standards," Hawthorne replied while sneaking an irritated glance at Sargent Gardner, who was busy cleaning up the ship's kitchen at the far end of the hall.

The turian snickered at Hawthrone's snide remark, "If it doesn't kill me, then sure."

"Great! See you around!"

It was strange to him, as he expected the usual racial tension between the human crew and the turians,but the Cerberus crewmen seem to be more friendly than the old Alliance crew on the original _Normandy._ Or at least more polite. Either way, he didn't mind them, since they were much more civil than the thugs on Omega.

He continued on, heading towards the elevator, where the Yeoman was waiting for him at the Observation Room.

* * *

Inside the Observation Room, Garrus felt unusually nervous with Kelly. They casually talked about all sorts of topics, mostly about the social climate in Citadel Space, while drinking their tea at Observation window. Garrus pondered about his uneasiness with her. He took a sneaky glance at her, trying to read Kelly's emotions on her face. While her demeanour might be pleasant and cheery, he couldn't nudge that small feeling inside his gut, that there was more to this upbeat human woman than there appeared.

"Those scars look painful. Are you feeling okay, Garrus?" Kelly asked.

"I'm fine. The bandages were itching at times, but it could have been worse," Garrus replied.

"I'm glad you've made it out alive. I only heard about the situation on Omega vaguely from Shepard, so what really happened?"

"Well... you've probability knew about the ambush from Shepard, so I'll skip the basics to the details. All of my crew died due to my incompetence at the time."

"It's not your fault Garrus, you've did your best to save them. From Shepard's recollection, you've did well, despite being under-pressure at the time."

"But this wouldn't happen in the first place if..."

Before Garrus was able finish his sentence, all the sudden the memories of that fateful day flashed right before his eyes. The surge of panic that is rushing in his veins as he tried to rush back to the base, the growing ache in his chest from hearing the painful wails of his crew inside the transmission and finally, being forced to watch one of them bleeding to death in front of him. All of their untimely deaths were cause by that one damn turian, Sidonis. The mere thought of him made Garrus see the whole galaxy red.

Then Kelly gently prodded him, causing him to snap back to reality.

"I'm sorry Ms. Chambers. I was... distracted," Garrus apologised.

"Is there something wrong?" Kelly asked

"No, I'm okay now."

"You can talk to me about it, if you want."

There was a brief awkward silence as Garrus gave her a funny look. He started to wonder why the Yeoman was so interested in his personal story, to the point from her reaction, she seem so... eager to find out the details behind it. As Kelly started to be more persistent in digging out more information to the point of going beyond his personal barrier, Garrus decided he'd had enough.

"Look Chambers, I would love to talk more but... I better go and check on the calibrations on the ship's weapon, before I have to meet up with someone real soon," Garrus gruffly replied, before he quickly exited the room.

* * *

It took him one sleepless night to figure out that Kelly was the ship's counsellor. Garrus rubbed his sleepy eyes with the back of his knuckle, while trying to concentrate on his work on the gunnery systems. He gritted his teeth in irritation. As if planting bugs and installing an AI on the ship wasn't enough, now they had a psychiatrist on the deck, probably profiling their psychological backgrounds. While he admitted that the Yeoman probability had good intentions behind it, he wasn't ready to disclose his thoughts anytime soon, especially if it involves with Sidonis. To him, his rage against Sidonis was personal, no one has the right to step into his personal space, no one.

Then the door opened behind him. He groaned quietly to himself while expressing disapproval at the visitor behind him. It was probably Kelly coming to check up on him again. Garrus cleared his throat, preparing to use the same excuse that he usually used to send her off and leave him alone.

"Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of doing some calibrations."

Then to his surprise and shock, he heard a familiar voice that he least expected. "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

He turned around and it was Shepard, who was turning her back to him and heading out of the Main Battery. Feeling foolish and guilty, he tried to catch up to her but the sliding door quickly closed in front of him, causing him to crash into it before he had a chance to stop himself. Then the turian clumsily stumbled back to the terminal, nursing his forehead with his right hand. He cursed loudly about the injury and the misfortune, when the door opened in front of him again. This time Shepard came rushing back to his side.

"Garrus, are you alright?" Shepard asked in a worried tone.

"I'm fine, it's just a little bump. That's all," Garrus replied.

Then Shepard made a gesture to Garrus to keep himself still, before reaching out to touch his face. He watched as the human woman looked over his face, checking for any injuries they might have missed, while gently touching his thick exoskeleton skin with the tips of her fingers. Garrus tried to refrain himself from laughing, since he wasn't used to be touched by a human, at least not with bare hands.

"Good news, looks like you won't get another facial scarring," Shepard beamed at him while pulling her hands away from his face

"It wouldn't hurt if I get another scar now, considering the damage has been done."

"Come on, Garrus. Ignore the superficial outside appearance, it's the inside that counts," Shepard chuckled quietly before continuing, "I'm sure you can still attract a few turian women with your winning personality."

Garrus grinned at his human friend. If there was one person who made his day less awful, it was Shepard. He knew he could always rely on her to be at his side, no matter how dire the situation was.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I noticed a couple of male humans make a pass at you back in Flux, despite that scar..."

Garrus stopped when he noticed Shepard gave him a solemn expression, after he mentioned her war scar. She gently touched the right side of her face and turned away from him. Feeling a little worried that he have offended her, he tapped her gently on the shoulders with his talons.

"I'm sorry Shepard, did I upset you?"

"No Garrus... it's just that, you reminded me of something. You've remember how they added a few upgrades while 'rebuilding' me?" Shepard asked.

"Yes. What happened?"

"When they say 'upgrades'... I guess it includes blemishes..."

The human woman looked up to him, her eyes locking onto his, before pulling her hair back to reveal the location of her scar. It was no longer there.

"Wait a minute... they fixed your scar too?" Garrus asked.

"Yes... as a side effect in rebuilding the tissue. I guess it's unintentional but still, it's gone forever."

"Shouldn't you be happy about it? I know human males prefer woman without scars."

Shepard shook her head at him, "If I wanted to get rid of it, I would have done it a long time ago. I've kept it because I wanted something to remind me about the Blitz."

He watched as her amber eyes glimmered with uneasiness. It made him feel concerned with her, since it's unusual to see Shepard expressing her doubts out in the open often.

"I guess we're on the same boat, you and I," Shepard remarked wistfully.

"How so?" Garrus asked.

"We've both lost our crew, being the sole survivors of some sort of calamity. Your crew on Omega and my team on Elysium."

"I've heard about the Blitz, what happened exactly?"

"Well, you've already know that the slavers were rushing down on the colony like locusts, so I'll skip that. Basically we were outnumbered, only a handful of us against countless pirates and the reinforcements were still a few hours away from us. So we had to make do with the situation. At that time, as they were closing in... my Commanding Officer ordered me to go back to the colony and protect them..."

Shepard paused for a moment. Garrus noticed her hesitation in retelling the story about the Blitz. As he was about to say something to give her some reassurance, she broke the awkward silence.

"Then the rest is history, saved the colony single handily, they slap a medal and call me a hero... as far as the media goes. Too exaggerated in my opinion, but that's not the point. The point is that, no matter what happens..."

He watched as Shepard reached out to touch the right side of her face, where the scar used to be there.

Shepard sighed gently, "We all make mistakes... I guess the best we can do is to remember them and do our best not to make the same mistake again."

Garrus nodded at her in acknowledgement. She was right, what was he thinking at the time when he going through the suicidal motions back in Omega, when he still need to repay them for their deaths? He made a quiet promise to them that he'll help them fulfil their last wish...

His thoughts were interrupted when he hear Shepard calling him out from his musing. He quickly shook his head, reminding himself to stay focus.

"Sorry about that Shepard... I was thinking about something."

"Is everything alright? You seem to be... depressed," Shepard asked.

"Don't worry about me, I'm just a little sleepy. With your war scars gone, how are you feeling about this?"

"Well, I guess I can live without it. The only downside to this now that there will be even more men making passes at me."

Garrus chuckled at her, "Well, I'll always be right behind you, so... I think they'll have second thoughts about it."

"Well fair enough, but I've didn't came down here to complain to you about my lack of scars."

"I knew it... So what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you're up for another mission."

"I'm always ready, Shepard," the turian replied.

"That's good to hear. We'll be picking up our guest at Purgatory tomorrow. A simple escort mission... if we're lucky enough to not to have any action for one day."

"Let me guess... there's a catch to this?"

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, feeling tense, "Have you heard about Purgatory? It's a prison ship that housed the most notorious criminals in the galaxy."

"I knew it," Garrus sighed at his human friend. He continued, "It has to be another dark creepy place with bloodthirsty thugs... why can't it be a sunny place with those gasbag creatures to shoot at?"

"Well, I'll tell you what. If you helped me with this mission and we're done saving the galaxy, I'll promise you that I'll take you to Mindoir. It's sunny enough and you'll find plenty of gasbags to shoot at."

"I was only kidding about that. You don't have to make an offer."

"Seriously, are you sure about this? You don't have to come along for this mission if you don't want to..."

Garrus' eyes were lit up brightly by his enthusiasm, as he became even more eager to be fighting at her side once more, "Well, I'm not going let a psychotic murderer scare me off. If you need me, I'll be there for you, Shepard."


	3. Interlude ~ The Garden of Everything

_2183: Somewhere on the Citadel_

Despite the years that had passed since Garrus had first stepped onto the Citadel Station, the grand beauty of the Presidium hasn't change at all. The lush green trees and the gentle chirping of the birds gave out a tranquil atmosphere to the area. However, he didn't come here to start a leisurely stroll along the walkways and admire the view. Instead, he was looking for Shepard, who was supposed to be meeting up with the rest of the crew after a brief shore leave. While the whole crew admitted that she wasn't the most punctual person on the ship, they were still worried about her well-being, with a good reason.

Shepard called off the shore leave. She became slightly moody after dealing with a former slave girl, who happened to have been growing up in the same homeworld. Everyone on the ship knew about the story of Mindoir and how Shepard was the only survivor to the aftermath of the raid. It was a touchy subject to the point that even Liara, who always had a deep interest with Shepard's past, didn't even dare to bring up about her homeworld.

He continued to walk along the lake, when he noticed the Presidium Botanical Garden. He was surprised. Even after all the years he stayed on the Citadel Station, he had managed to miss this area, especially odd since he enjoyed strolling around gardens in his free time. Garrus walked through the gate and started to admire the plants. Unlike most of the other parks and gardens he come across before, this garden seemed to house almost every plant specimen from all over the galaxy, much to his enjoyment.

There was a sweet elegant aroma coming from the human flora section. It was alien but pleasant to his senses, to the point that it beckoned Garrus over. His curiosity got the better of his turian practical thinking, where he walked into the section, following wherever the floral aroma took him. Then his eyes were widened in astonishment, as it lead him to a mini-section, that was dedicated to one single type of flower: the rose.

He had seen that type of flower before, back when he was working in C-Sec, but it was red. He thought red was the only colour from the specimen, however the garden proved him otherwise, as his sights were greeted by the different colourful shades. From the light coral hues right down to the dark shades of black, the garden had everything, but there was one particular colour that intrigued him the most. At the far end of the section, he saw a small selection of white roses, which seem to have a pristine appearance.

Garrus walked towards the section to take a closer look at them. Unlike the turian floral plants that his mother used to tend it to when he was a child, these human plants looked fragile and soft. The colour and texture reminded him of Shepard's appearance for some reason. It was probably the exposed translucent skin, that made her looked delicate just like the rose. Garrus was about to reach out and touch it, when he heard someone calling out to him.

"Hey you! Turian! Don't even think about touching those flowers!"

Garrus turned around. It was Shepard, who was wearing her naval casual uniform, instead of her usual combat armour. She gave him a surprised look, since she didn't expected to see him. He exhaled a small breath of relief. Apart from her eyes were looking all red and puffy, the human woman was perfectly fine.

"Vakarian? What are you doing here?" Shepard asked.

"We were looking for you. Everyone was worried about you since you didn't show up at the meeting time," Garrus replied.

"Well, thanks for your concern. You can go back now and tell them I'm fine. I just need some more time to myself."

He felt uncomfortable at the thought of leaving Shepard's side. Not only he was worried that assassins might use this opportunity to strike her, but also he was used to the comfort of safeguarding his superiors in his sights. Leaving her all alone in the garden seemed wrong to him, especially since she was in her casual attire and unarmed.

"But Commander... I just can't leave you here! They're expecting me to escort you back to the ship," Garrus protested.

"That's too bad, because I'm not intending to leave anytime soon."

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, feeling exasperated from Shepard's stubbornness and her immature response. He crossed his arms and gave her a stern look.

"I'm not going anywhere either, Commander."

"Well, suit yourself then," Shepard shrugged her shoulders before retiring to a nearby bench.

Garrus sighed, while he shook his head and sat next to her.

There was a moment of awkward silence between the both of them. The only sound they could hear was the birds singing in the tree branches and the flowing water from the lake outside of the garden. He took a sneak peek at Shepard, who was aimlessly glancing over the white rose in front of her, lost deep in her thoughts. The turian gripped his hands together tightly, as he felt nervous by the Shepard's uncharacteristic stillness. He was about to say something, hoping that the she would respond in someway, when Shepard broke the silence first.

"You really wanted to sit here and wait for me?" Shepard asked.

"Well, you're my commanding officer. As a subordinate, it's part of my duty to keep you safe and unharmed."

Shepard shook her head at him. "I'm surprised that you're willing to do that, even though I'm human."

"A good turian will always listen and protects their superior, whether they be a turian, a salarian or... a human."

Especially a human who is acting in a stubborn manner, he thought while trying to figure out her emotions. He felt that the Commander was hiding her true feelings somewhere, from the way she was isolating herself by hiding inside the Botanical Gardens.

"Well, that sounded courteous... for a turian," Shepard remarked.

"It's always been like that for us, Commander. We've been raised to learn to put our personal interest behind and offer assistance to others that in dire need of help, no matter what race or gender."

"Really? I thought when it comes to humans, turians have this stick up their... no offence Vakarian, but you know how diplomatically strained our races are."

"Then they are bad turians! Not all of us are like that, Elly," Garrus retorted.

Shepard gave him a funny look, which made him realise that he accidentally used her first name. He quickly flared his mandibles while giving her an embarrassed look on his face. She gave him a small chuckle.

"It's been a long time since I've last heard anyone use that name. Where did you pick it up?"

"I...well..."

Shepard raised her hand to silence him, "No need to explain it to me, you just have to do your research about my history. Well, I can tell you one thing that the extranet and my service records didn't pick up on: I've used to help the family selling flowers when I was kid. We have a farm that grew flowers for a living."

"Wait... you used to sell flowers as a child?" Garrus gave her a baffled look. It was hard to imagine her as a sweet little girl walking around in the colony, with a basket of flowers in her arm. Especially when that same little girl was now a hard-ass soldier, who was a fearsome Spectre and his Commanding Officer.

Shepard got up from her seat and walked towards the flower bed, while still admiring the white roses. "I did for the most part of my childhood. My mother used to enjoy growing them while she was still alive. Her favourite were these roses."

Garrus watch as the Commander reached out to touch the petals and gently caressed them with the tips of her finger. He noticed that there were small tears swelling up from the corners of her eyes. Shepard closed her eyes gently as she fought off her emotions and turned away from him.

"A few months after I've turned 16, the raid came. My mother fought them with a broken down shotgun... she saved my life by giving me more time to hide myself somewhere..."

Shepard began to shudder as she struggled to continue on with her story, she gripped the stem of the rose tightly, ignoring the stinging pain in her palms as the thorns were piercing into the flesh.

"Before she died, my mother made me promised I have to be strong for her and flourish like the white rose..."

Despite the effort she tried in holding back, the tears managed to fall gently from her eyes. Garrus felt unnerved from seeing his Commanding Officer getting hurt, whether it be physical or emotionally. He quickly walked up to her and helped her wipe them with his back of his finger. She looked up to him before her cheeks were flushed in embarrassment.

"Look, I'm sorry about this... it's just that it hurts when I remember me... but it's hard not to remember that little girl from Mindoir."

"It's alright, take your time. You'll feel better if you let it all go. I'll be here if you need me." Garrus gave her a comforting look, while patting her gently on the shoulder. The glimmer of warmth in his eyes encouraged her to let all her feelings out in the open.

Then Shepard allowed herself to relax onto the ground, buried her head into her arms and quietly wept. Garrus sat down beside her and watched over her carefully, making sure that no one walked into Shepard's private moment. He reached out to her and stroked her hair gently. The way she cried, it indicated that she had been holding her feelings for a long time. He wondered how long she had held it back? It took a while before Shepard managed to calm herself again.

"When was the last time you cried?" Garrus asked.

"About eleven years."

"Eleven years? That's a long time to hold it off. Why?"

Shepard looked down. "Because I joined the military. I didn't want show any sort of weakness to anyone. I was determined to be strong for the sake of everyone... especially for the other human colonies like Mindoir."

After seeing her private side behind the military bravado, Garrus became more concerned for her. His father used to emphasised him about helping the weak throughout his childhood. He took that lesson by the heart, to the point that he always charge in to protect them instinctively, not matter how dire the situation is. He took a sneak glance at Shepard, she was far from being weak, as she proved her prowess to him with her combat expertise and leadership skills. However, there's something about her that made him wanted to reach out and shield her, especially after hearing her childhood story. Somewhere beneath her headstrong exterior, the gentle flower girl was still there, inside of this grown woman.

Garrus gripped his hands tightly, he felt even more determine to safeguard her from the dangers and sorrows of the galaxy.

"Vakarian?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Will you promise me not to tell anyone about this? My authoritative cards would be at stake if anyone knew how emotional I can get."

He nodded at her. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." Shepard gave out a small grin, while getting herself up from the ground. She continued, "Guess it's time to go. We still have a job to do."

Before she walked off, Garrus ushered her to wait while he activated his omni-tool interface. Shepard watched as he applied medi-gel onto the palm of her right hand, healing the minor injury from the thorns. After he patched up the wound, Shepard held her right hand close to her chest, while her cheeks are still flushed with a pink hue.

"Thanks for everything, Garrus... Let's head back to the ship before someone starts a big search party for the both of us."

"I'm with you, Commander." Garrus replied as he walked her back to the _SSV Normandy_.


	4. Walking on Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: Apologies for the delay with the updates, due to life in Uni and the editing process were taking longer than usual. I'll try to be quick about with the chapter updates, as much as possible, but no guarantees since real life comes first. Also thanks to Battlechantress for pointing out the flaws and the problems in the earlier chapters, back in the ME fan fic forums, which I've managed to fix it up. Also, reviews and criticisms are always welcome._

It was supposed to be a simple escort mission, where all they had to was pick someone up from the Purgatory prison ship, without any fuss since Cerberus had done most of the work for them. However, things took an unexpected turn when the warden changed his mind about the deal. Instead he wanted to keep Commander Shepard as a trophy, much to the dismay of the party, especially Garrus.

"Lay down your weapons and proceed into the cell. You'll not be harmed," the warden ordered them over the ship's speaker.

The prison guards waved their guns in a threatening manner, ordering them to hand over their weapons, but they refused. Since Shepard and the team resisted it, the guards quickly attacked them, trying to wrestle the guns off them. Garrus immediately rushed to her side, shielding her from their reach. It was bad enough that these Blue Suns guards were trying to grab her in a crude way, but the thought of seeing her being locked up in a dark, dirty cell, where prisoners had the opportunity to brutally abuse her; made him sick to his stomach. It didn't help that he heard an earlier conversation from the one of the prisoners, who explicitly revealed his life as an inmate on Purgatory, including his recollection on how he had lost his 'dignity'.

He continued fighting them off, making sure they didn't damage a single strand of her hair. All of a sudden, he heard a chilling laugh from Shepard. Garrus shuddered in fear from the sound. Despite the ambiguity of human emotions, he knew the Commander's feelings and quirks well enough, including the tone of her laughter. He recalled that there were two types of laughter when it came to Shepard. The first laughter was a genuine expression of joy. He had rarely seen her letting her feelings out in the open, except a couple of times back on the old Normandy. However, the other laughter that she had even rarely expressed to other people, was the one that Garrus feared the most. He knew that whenever Shepard was really pissed off, she'd start laughing in a scornful manner, before giving that seething ugly scowl from her.

He had only seen that laughter once. Two years ago, she had stumbled across an old nemesis from the Skyllian Blitz, who was hiding out somewhere in an uncharted world, plotting his revenge on her. She wasn't pleased with the 'reunion'. The results were ugly but predictable to the point, that Wrex made a remark in the aftermath of that mission; "What an idiot. Should have run, instead of taking on a woman that _wiped_ his whole pirate army, single-handedly."

The laughter stopped, being replaced by a brief silence. The eerie stillness made him feel uneasy, as he braced himself for the wrath he knew she was going to unleash at any moment.

"I've got three words for you, Warden Kuril: Go to hell!" Shepard yelled, before her whole body was shrouded with a light violet aura.

The next moment, Shepard swirled her body around in the room, waving her arms elegantly as she lifted all the guards into the air. Then she swiped her hand harshly, as her biotic abilities responded to her gesture by throwing them across the room. The hapless guards were slammed into the wall, resulting in sharp cracks as the bones were snapped on impact. Garrus cringed as he watched them dropping to the ground in a dull thud, the lifeless eyes staring back at him and the faces twisted with horror. It was a deadly reminder to him, that the same woman he was always sworn to protect was far from the vulnerable colonist girl who he knew two years ago back from the Citadel Gardens.

He wondered if Shepard was a human woman at all? The way she kept her calm determined stance in a heated situation like this would perturb the most battle-hardened turians, let alone some lousy mercenaries who were only trying to make some quick cash.

"Garrus! Mordin! Is everyone alright?" Shepard asked, her eyes widening with concern.

"Apart from the minor damage to the kinetic shields from the Blue Sun guards, we're in perfectly good shape," Mordin replied, while adjusting his lab coat.

Garrus gave her a worried look, "Don't worry about us. What about you, Shepard? The way they handled you..."

He couldn't finish his sentence. Garrus gritted his teeth in disgust, while feeling offended at the way the guards tried to seize her before.

"It's alright Garrus, I'm fine now. They haven't broken me," Shepard replied, trying to reassure him.

Suddenly there was a loud siren coming from the alarm system. As the sound wailed through the whole ship, she quickly ordered them to get into their defensive positions. There was a biotic flash that shrouded her body for a brief moment, before crouching down in a nearby cover. They were preparing for more reinforcements from the guards, who were staging an assault into the room.

"Guards! What's going on down there?" Kuril growled frantically in his speakers.

Shepard yelled into the air, replying back at the warden in a dangerous, almost-seductive tone, "I've already sent them down to hell, I'll be sending you there next, Kuril."

"Shepard has escaped from the containment! I repeat! Shepard has escaped!"

The guards started to charge down the corridors, leading into the room where they were holed up. Garrus quickly shifted his position and kneeled quietly beside Shepard. While he finalised the configuration settings on his sniper rifle, he heard a small faint curse, coming from Shepard. He gently prodded her.

"Are you really sure that you're alright?" Garrus asked.

"Well, I haven't got the slightest scratch from them... it's just every time I see a slaver, I'm seeing red. Kuril is a perfect example of a two bit slaver asshole," Shepard growled while tossing a singularity vortex at the doorway.

Garrus raised his right eyelid at her. He was bemused with the crude language coming out of her mouth, especially when the Commander usually kept her professional stance no matter how the situation hits them. Understandable if he were to hear those terms from an uneducated citizen on Omega, but coming from Shepard, who was known to be the golden girl of humanity and her cultured poise? Despite the time they spent together back then, he realised there were still a lot of things he didn't knew about his human friend.

As soon the singularity vortex couldn't handle anymore hostiles, Shepard summoned another biotic ability to combust the vortex into an unstable explosion, causing anyone that are nearby the blasting radius to be gravely injured. The Blue Sun guards were scattered all over the place, dazed from the after effects of the blast, which gave Garrus an opportunity to pick off the stray opposition with his sniper rifle.

Once they finished dealing with the assault from the guards, Garrus turned his direction to Shepard, as he noticed from her body language that she was getting irritated.

"Shepard... you've seem to be getting tense about this. I've never seen you use profane words before," Garrus remarked.

"I know that! I don't have the time to act all polite and proper when the galaxy is at stake already." Shepard replied in an angry tone. She pulled the trigger onto a nearby corpse with her pistol, making sure that the guard was dead.

There was a brief moment of silence, as both Garrus and Mordin watched her checking the last few corpses. After they were dealt with, Shepard took a few deep breaths to regain her composure, before her eyes focused back on her team. There was a small frown on her face, as she started showing her guilty conscience from her brief lashing at them.

"Garrus... I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to yell at you, it's just..."

"I know. It's about Mindoir again, isn't it?" Garrus asked.

Shepard nodded back at him with a distasteful expression, "Every time I've run into those slaver scumbags, I've wanted to gun them down. The thought of them raiding other colonies like Mindoir irks me."

She took another deep breath while Garrus tapped her lightly on the shoulder, trying to give her some comfort.

"Shepard, I know you don't like slavers and I don't like them either but... we have to focus on Jack first. This mission is too important to let our personal feelings get in the way."

She nodded back at him in acknowledgement. "You're right Garrus, we've got a job to do besides indulging into petty vengeances. Even if I've killed Kuril, there other human colonies that are still in danger of getting abducted by the Collectors, including Mindoir. Come on, let's find Jack."

They rushed out of the room and ran through the corridors, gunning down the other guards who are attempting to block them, before they reached the entrance to the control booth. Shepard signalled them to take cover at the side of the doorway, then she activated her omni-tool and started to hack through the security lock by adjusting the circuit modules. After a few tweaks, the colour holographic interface of the door had changed from orange to green, indicating that they had access to the room now. She tapped the interface lightly with her index finger and the door slid open. It revealed a jittery technician, repeating the same announcement about Shepard's escape on the mic, unaware the escapee was standing right behind him. She pulled her pistol out and pointed at him.

"Switch that mic off and turn around... very slowly," Shepard warned him in an angry tone.

The technician reluctantly turned the mic off and raised his hand into the air. Garrus peeked over from his cover and studied him carefully. He noticed that his eyes had started to shift, searching for something in the room. Garrus wasn't sure what he's looking for, but he didn't like where this was going, from what the body language of this technician indicated.

Shepard continued, "You've got one chance, don't make any sudden moves or I'll..."

Before she got the chance to finish her sentence, the technician quickly activated a master lockdown on the console. When she saw him him pulling out his side pistol, Shepard quickly dodged the incoming bullet, by side stepping to the right. She quickly pulled the trigger and shot back at him, which resulted in a single bullet landing between his eyes. His body slumped slowly to the ground, knees landing first, before his whole body toppled forward, while Shepard still pointed her gun at him. Once she was sure that the technician was dead, she quickly approached the console and started to skim through the system, while Garrus and Mordin got out of their cover and followed her.

Shepard slammed her hand down on the surface of the console in frustration, "That's just great. There's only two ways to override the master lock down. Either I have to pry the code from Kuril or I have to activate the emergency override. And we don't have time to jerk around this hellhole any longer."

"Shepard, if you override it, all the cells on this ship will be unlocked," Garrus protested. It was bad enough that they had to deal with the guards on the ship, but letting all the psychotic prisoners out from their containment? He could not help but shake his head at her.

"Well, we've got no other choice. Besides having the guards distracted by these thugs might buy us some time to get Jack and escape from here. I'm doing it, so be ready," Shepard replied before tapping onto the holographic keyboard and initiating the emergency override.

Outside the control booth, the giant robotic arm came to life, as it moved itself towards the cryogenic status pod where Jack was being kept. The claw then slowly lowered itself to the hook and pulled the pod out carefully from the containment. Everyone was speechless when they saw Jack for the first time; the revelation of to the convict's identity surprised them all.

"That's... Jack?" Garrus asked, as he studied the criminal that they were supposed to recruit into their fold.

It was a human girl. Her build was petite in size. The upper body was close to being topless, if it weren't for the tattoos and the belt that covered her chest partially. For all the tension build up, as the guards and the inmates talked about the horrors of her murderous psychotic rage, this woman didn't seem threatening to Garrus. He tried to figure out why this criminal seemed to be frightening to everyone on the ship; she didn't seem to look even remotely dangerous. The fact that she was sleeping peacefully in her containment didn't help her case either.

Then Jack snapped her eyes open violently. She screamed angrily into the air, while she ripped the iron braces that bound her in the pod, with her bare hands. Garrus' eyes widened; he was surprised with the raw strength that the criminal possess. He continued to observe her through the booth's window from above, feeling tense when he saw three heavy mechs closing on her. He was trying to figure out how to get her out in that situation, when suddenly she screeched her rage out in the open. Jack raised her fist into the air, her body shone brightly from her biotic abilities and charged towards the mechs without any hesitation. The next few moments were fast and blurry to his memory. There were violent biotic flashes as the mechs were torn apart, followed by the explosions that the floor shook underneath them. After the haze was lifted from his memory, he was lying on his back to the floor, with Shepard lying on top of him, held in his arms.

Garrus felt flustered by this position they were in. He attempted to retrace the events in his mind: as the floor shook, Shepard was loosing her balance, Garrus quickly tried to stop her from falling to the ground by grabbing her. However, the strength of the tremor was too strong for them to be able to stay on their feet, which resulted in them tumbling to the ground together, arms intertwining while their eyes were locked at each other's.

After a brief pause between them, Shepard's cheeks were glowing with a faint pink hue. She took a quick glance at Mordin, who was getting himself off the floor. His back was turned against them, probably unaware of their situation. She shook her head and quickly got up from the floor, freeing herself from his arms, before Mordin could see them in a compromising position. She offered Garrus her hand; he reached out and gripped it tightly as she pulled him off the ground.

They looked over the window again, examining the destruction that lay before them. The heavy mechs in the room were nothing more than a pile of scrap metal now. All caused by this one human Girl, who was armed only with her biotic abilities. Garrus began to understand why everyone feared her.

"Impressive abilities... Might be problematic for the Normandy," Mordin remarked.

"Come on, we have to get to Jack before the Blue Suns do," Shepard replied, before rushing downstairs. As they followed her, Garrus gritted his teeth, bracing himself in case they had to deal with Jack's wrath during their introduction.

* * *

"I just saved your ass," Shepard growled at Jack.

The convict shrugged at her, while looking over at the dead guard who Shepard killed before, "He was already dead. He just didn't know it. Now, what the hell do you want?"

Garrus gripped his pistol tightly, as he watched them getting into a heated conversation, feeling uneasy about her. It was not just the destruction that was created by her that made him feel agitated for Shepard's safety, although the heavy damage that Jack caused within the Purgatory ship was part of it. It was her unpredictable, violent emotions that made him wary about her. He was getting ready to jump to Shepard's side and shield her from Jack's anger, in case the conversation went poorly at the end.

"My name is Shepard, you're in a bad situation. We're going to get you out of here."

"Shit, you sound like a pussy," Jack replied in a dismissive tone.

There was a brief silence between them, as Shepard narrowed her eyes and glared at Jack, expressing her irritation. Garrus felt repulsed when he heard Jack using that human word, especially when she describing Shepard in a vulgar way. He was about to step in and give the convict a piece of his mind, when Shepard gently lifted her right arm to block him. She twitched her mouth into a disapproving frown, ushering him to back down. He nodded at her reluctantly and quietly stepped back to his position.

Jack gave Shepard another snide remark, "I'm not going anywhere. You're Cerberus. Do you think I'm stupid enough to board a Cerberus frigate?"

"This ship is going down in flames, I've got the only way out. I'm offering to take you with me. And you're arguing," Shepard retorted angrily.

Garrus felt his patience with this convict slipping at every second. He decided to take this matter into his own hands, "We could just knock her out and take her."

"We're not going to attack her," Shepard snapped back at him.

He was about to protest about her decision, when Jack replied, "Good move."

Garrus then gave Jack a wary look as she approach towards them, feeling the uncertainty about her next reaction. He placed his hand on the pistol, locking his eyes at her, while he took a few steps closer to Shepard.

Jack continued, "Look, you want me to come with you, make it worth my while."

"Tell me what you're thinking," Shepard asked while she took a few cautious steps towards Jack.

"I bet your ship has lots of Cerberus databases. I want to look at those files. See what Cerberus has got on me. You want me to be on your team, let me go through those databases."

Shepard nodded slowly at her. "I'll give you full access."

"You'd better be straight with me," Jack threatened her.

Another loud explosion echoed from the main entrance, which caused everyone to jump. Jack took a quick look around the corridor, before snapping back at Shepard, "So why the hell are we standing here?"

"Move out," Shepard ordered.

As they walked towards the exit, Garrus rubbed his forehead with one of his talons, feeling drained from dealing with Jack. He pondered; How in the spirits had Shepard managed to keep her cool with this convict? Especially when Jack was deliberately toying her nerves with petty insults and a stubborn, immature attitude. He took a sneak glance at Shepard, who was still keeping her calm professional stance, hiding her exasperated feelings behind her.

* * *

Despite the difficulties when it came to integrating Jack into Normandy's crew, there was no single incident happening since she first settled down on the ship, at least not one ending with her breaking people's spines with her biotic abilities. Still, that didn't stop from the crew members watching their speech carefully whenever they had to communicate with her or avoiding her like a plague if they had the chance to do so.

"Jack's psych profile seems to be unpredictable at best." Kelly gave Miranda a worried look as she browsed through her datapad.

The two Cerberus employees were discussing the convict in the Mess Hall, near the kitchen counter where they waited for the coffee machine to finish brewing. Despite them talking in a low voice, Garrus still managed to hear them, over at the dining table. He was about finish up with his snack, when he heard Kelly complaining to Miranda about the difficulties in drawing up Jack's profile due to her aggressive attitude. Garrus gave out a tiny smirk on his face. He wondered if he should take a few notes from Jack, by acting all grouchy and moody. It certainly helped Jack in scaring away Kelly, so why not him? His scar and the intimidating turian features would certainly help to make him look menacing.

"Don't get me started about the Commander giving Jack access to the Cerberus databases on the Normandy," Miranda grumbled.

"Speaking of Shepard, what is she doing down at the Cargo Hold?" Kelly asked.

"Probably inspecting the krogan pod that we've picked it up recently from Kortus..."

Miranda paused for a moment when she mention about the pod, she gave Kelly horrified look at her startled realisation, "Did you see the Commander arming herself with a pistol?"

"Well, yes..." Kelly replied.

Miranda quickly rushed out of the counter and headed towards the elevator. It took Garrus a few seconds to realise what was happening: Shepard was opening the krogan pod. He jumped off his seat and followed her, while shaking his head. If there was one thing he could point out about Shepard's sudden change after her 'death', it was her recklessness. He knew she wasn't the most stoic soldier back then, but at least she managed to keep a clearheaded outlook. Now, she seem to jump into life-threatening situations without thinking carefully first. As they waited for the elevator the door swung open all a sudden, revealing a giant krogan who was staring back them, cracking his knuckles. The same krogan who was locked inside of the pod before, was now walking freely around the ship. Garrus noticed the shifty eyes from him, indicating that was looking for something. Whatever that is, it couldn't be good.

The Cerberus operative quickly activated the biotic glow around her, while standing in a defensive posture. Since Garrus didn't have any armed weapons on him, he quickly took off one of his hardsuit's gloves, revealing his sharp bare talons. He pointed his talons at the krogan, while his other arm wielded the omni-tool holographic interface. Before they got a chance to strike, Shepard stepped out from the shadows within the elevator and ordered them to stand down.

"Commander, you shouldn't have opened the pod and let that krogan run around freely without back up!" Miranda chided at her.

"His name is Grunt, Miranda," Shepard replied cooly at her. She continued, "I've already checked up on him, he's fine. From now on, Grunt is a part of the crew, so treat him with respect like any crew member, or otherwise..."

Grunt gleefully punched his fist into his hand, giving them a devious grin, before looking down at Shepard.

"Well, you're all aware how dangerous krogans are. Grunt is no exception," Shepard gave Miranda a mischievous smirk after she finished her sentence.

Then there was a loud rumble coming from Grunt's stomach. He was hungry. Shepard pointed him at the kitchen counter, telling him about the leftovers from yesterday's meal with the crew, before she allowed the krogan to wander freely on the ship at his own device. While he was heading towards the kitchen counter to start raiding the leftovers, with Miranda chasing after him with an exasperated frown, Garrus approached her.

"Shepard, is everything alright? I'm pretty sure that Grunt didn't first greet you with a friendly hug when you let him out of the pod."

"It took some persuasion, but I managed to convince him to join us without firing a single shot," Shepard gave a brave smile while trying to reassure him, but he noticed something behind it.

Her amber eyes gave out a pained expression on her face, while she quickly adjusted her collar to hide something on her neck, but unfortunately his sharp eyesight saw that bandaged area first.

"Don't try to hide it from me. I saw that bandage on your neck. Be honest with me, what happened?" Garrus asked.

Shepard placed her hand onto his mouth, ushering him to keep his mouth shut, "Not so loud! I don't want them to know about this. Look, if you really want to know the whole story, come with me to the Main Battery."

They both walked towards the main battery, passing by the Mess Hall, ignoring chaotic mess in the kitchen that was created by Grunt. The door to the Main Battery opened automatically for them, Garrus stretch his arms out, gesturing her to walk into the room first before him. They stepped in and as soon the door closes behind them, Shepard made a loud sigh of relief, before unbuttoning her jacket, just to loosen the tightness of her collar. Garrus gave her a concerned look, as he observed the exposed neck that was covered with flimsy strips of cloth; there was a bit of blood soaking into the bandage.

"Shepard, you might want to see Dr. Chakwas about that..."

"I'm fine, it's only a minor injury. It will go away tomorrow morning," Shepard interrupted.

"A minor injury? Your neck is bleeding for crying out loud!"

"Garrus, will you stop overreacting? It won't do you any good for your health and safety."

"And what about you? You've risked the whole crew, the mission and _yourself;_ by opening the pod that contains a krogan that could have killed every one of us on this ship!" Garrus scolded her.

"Look, I had no choice but to open the pod. He's either an addition to the crew or a time bomb. I have to deal with it now or he might affect the mission in a bad timing. Besides, we're on a suicide mission; there's nothing left to lose really."

"Damn it Shepard! Just because we're on a suicide mission, that doesn't mean that you have the privilege to do something reckless and life-threatening."

Shepard glared angrily at Garrus, her temper getting the better of her, "And since when do you have the privilege to start barking orders at me? Don't forget that I'm still your Commanding Officer, Vakarian!"

"I'm not ordering you around or questioning your leadership. I'm only telling you to be more careful from now on," Garrus gave her a calm reply, while bracing himself from Shepard's incoming fury, as soon he noticed the subtle angry reaction from her body. Even though she had been killed once, her heated temperament was still there.

Just like old times. Well, almost.

The whole room went silent, as Shepard's temper was subdued all of a sudden. She sighed and looked down in an apologetic manner. He gave her another concerned look. This wasn't the Commander Shepard he knew, who usually kept her chin up high and made no apologies when it came to her authoritative stance. Instead her temperament was dampened, either from the after effects of her death, having her hands tied up by Cerberus or both.

Shepard shook her head slowly. "Look, I'm sorry about this. It's just that this mission had put me on edge... I just had to do something that might increase our chance of survival."

"By opening the pod that contains a sleeping krogan, without any back up or assistance?"

"I guess I behaved too irrationally. You're right Garrus, I've should have taken a few more precautions, but to be fair if I had some assistance at the time, the 'recruitment' would probably have been screwed up by interference. At the end of the day, it's best if I do certain things personally."

Garrus sighed in resignation. "Fine, you might have a point there. Still, if you're going to do something reckless, at least just warn me next time."

"I will, if you promise me not to do anything reckless either, by pulling a stupid heroic move, like jumping into my way and blocking an incoming bullet or something."

Both Garrus and Shepard shot a funny look at one-another, with him tilting his head to one side and lowering one of his plated eyelids, while she folded her arms and raised her left eyebrow. A few moments later, they chuckled quietly together, after reflecting on the irony about their attitudes both being reckless, in their own ways.


	5. Emotionally Flawed

"Mr. Moreau, you're not supposed to do that. You know it will offend the Commander," EDI scolded at him in the usual monotone.

"Of course I know that! I'm doing it to annoy Shepard," Joker grumbled while he continued to fiddle around with the setting.

"Why would you want to provoke her? I would think that you don't want to get a negative reaction from her."

"A pissed off reaction is better than no reaction at all. The way she's being all quiet lately, it gives me the chills."

The Normandy's crew were feeling unsettled lately. They all noticed an unusual change in Shepard's mood, since the mission on the human colony world Horizon. While Cerberus Command officially declared the mission a 'success', the actual outcome left a lot to be desired. Especially when Shepard's reunion with her old crew-mate Ashley Williams ended on a sour note in the aftermath.

Inside the Main Battery, Garrus sat down on storage box, resting his chin on his right hand while reflecting on the last mission. While he was disappointed with Ash, who should have known better than to let her own grudge with Cerberus get in the way of with the cold hard facts, he was more worried about Shepard's current mood. Normally she could manage to handle herself well, even if she was on the receiving end, when other people vent their anger and hurled insults at her. However, when Ash turned away from her, the rejection seemed to be more painful than Shepard could handle, to the point that her usual bravado was dampened heavily. He could see why.

Ash and Shepard were close friends at the time. Garrus could recall the times that Shepard came down to the ship's basement, just to chat about all sorts of topics to her; ranging from asking advice about the mission from her, to sharing their personal stories about their childhoods. Normally Shepard was a no-nonsense type of woman, who tended to keep a strict order, when it came to housekeeping within the military ship. However, Ash was one of the few people who Shepard wouldn't mind 'letting her hair down' a bit. She was also one of the few people on the ship who managed to escape from Shepard's wrath lightly, after she mentioned Mindoir accidentally one time; which proves how close they were at the time. With Ash gone, Shepard had become much colder lately, as she bottled up all the emotions.

He continued to ponder, whether he should be going to her private quarters to check up on her or not. Usually he kept his distance from her out of respect, since she was a private person who kept most of her personal feelings to herself, to the point she acted very defensive every time someone walked into her room without warning her first. Even if someone wanted to see her, she preferred to approach to their station to discuss it, rather than calling them up into her quarters.

Garrus got up from his spot and as he was about to check up on her. However, he stopped himself and shook his head at the idea. As much as he wanted to comfort her, he had to restrain himself from approaching too close to her, since she also disliked the idea of having someone else stepping in to deal with her 'problems'. Besides, Shepard was the only person in the galaxy who he considered a friend; he didn't want to start some sort of drama, that might cause a strain in their relationship by intruding into her comfort zone.

He looked back at the holographic screen and decided to continue with his work, trying to push his fears to the back of his mind. He was about to finalise the weapon's algorithm targeting system, when the door opened behind him all of a sudden. It was Kelly rushing into the room with a troubled look on her face, indicating that whatever the reason she came to him, it must be too important for him not to start using the usual calibration excuse to dismiss her.

"Garrus, we need to talk," Kelly stated an urgent tone.

"About what?"

"It's Shepard. She's been hiding herself in her room for three days now. I'm starting to feel concern for her."

Garrus made a quiet sigh at the Yeoman stating the obvious and turned towards her. "We all are, Miss Chambers. You know that human saying, 'don't beat around the bush'? Be straight forward. Why did you come to me to express your concern about her, not with Operative Lawson?"

"Because I've noticed how she seems to be saddened by the events on Horizon, especially with Ashley Williams, to the point that she's been shutting herself away from other people. Everyone has been trying to talk her out of her depression, but there's no luck so far. I was thinking that maybe if you go and talk to her..."

"No. Absolutely not! I maybe good with the sniper rifle, but I'm not good at talking out other people's personal problems, especially with Shepard. You're a people person, right? Why don't you try and convince her?"

"I've tried, but she didn't respond in anyway. It's a long shot, but you might have a better chance, since she knows you longer than most people on this ship."

"Still, what I'm going to talk to her about?" Garrus asked.

"Well, anything as long you talk to her. With all the stress from this mission and the loneliness she's been dealing with, I think having someone talk to would be a nice change for her, especially if it's you, Garrus." Kelly replied.

Garrus nodded at her reluctantly in resignation, before walking out of the Main Battery and heading towards the elevator.

* * *

The faint human whisky aroma greeted Garrus, as soon he stepped into Shepard's private quarters. The room was more spacious and luxurious than the rest of the section of the Normandy. Almost fitting for the golden girl of humanity, if it weren't for the clothes lying all over the floor carelessly and the dim lights that gave out a cold blue hue to the room. It made him feel unsettled, as the grim atmosphere reminded him too much of his old apartment on the Citadel; which was in a state of disarray in the wake of Shepard's 'death' at the time. Then he heard a quiet murmur, coming from the far end of the room, where the bed was located.

He quietly walked towards the bed and found Shepard curling herself into a ball, squirming in her sleep, as her upper body was being exposed from the blanket. She was only wearing a white camisole, a stark contrast to the casual uniform attire that he's accustomed to seeing her everyday, reflecting her professionalism. Garrus began to understand why Shepard seemed agitated whenever someone tried to walk into her room; these quarters was more than just a place where she could wind down and relax. It was the only sanctuary where Shepard could express her intimate self, her own little private world away from the prying eyes of the whole galaxy. He heard another tiny whimper from her, clutching her arms tightly, shivering from the cold air. Without a second thought, he gingerly pulled the blanket up and cover the rest of her body, before gently stroking her forehead to comfort her.

Garrus looked over while Shepard smiled in her sleep, before nuzzling herself underneath the blanket, unaware of his presence in the room. The way she was sleeping peacefully in the comfort of her bed, he couldn't bring himself to wake her up, despite the current state of the mission due to her absence. After a while he decided to let her be, since he knew peace and contentment were fleeting in times like this. As he was about to head out of the room, he noticed a picture frame, that was sitting on the nightstand right next to her bed. He picked up and studied it. It was a picture of her taken when she was still teenager, with another human boy he couldn't recognise, who was wrapping his arms around her waist. One thing that struck him about the picture was how carefree and naive Shepard appeared at the time, compared to the rigid and worldly woman that he had known since he first met her.

As he continued to study the picture, he accidentally knocked over the empty glass on the desk, creating a loud hollow thud that echoed inside the room. Garrus panicked. He quickly rushed towards the door, still clutching the picture in his hand as he absently forgot about it. Before he was able to reach to the exit, all of a sudden he couldn't move, his whole body was stuck in a biotic status.

"You have one chance to explain yourself, before I'm going to throw you out: who are you and what your reasons for intruding my quarters?" Shepard threatened in an icy tone, her right arm glowed brightly, as the violet hue brighten the whole room.

"Shepard, wait! It's Garrus!"

"Garrus?" Shepard asked in a bewildered tone, before she turn the lamp on with her biotics.

The dark ambience faded away, as the warm light of the lamp lit the whole room, while the biotic aura dissolved into the air. As he tried to think up an explanation for his current situation, Shepard tossed her blankets aside and hopped off the bed. His whole body stiffened in terror, as she walked up to him, focusing her glaze onto him. He expected to see her yelling a few angry words to him, before tossing him out of the room in an unceremonious fashion, but instead she gave a sad look at him as she stuck her hand out.

"I want my picture back."

Garrus handed the picture frame back to her. He watched as she touched the picture gingerly with the tips of her finger, her eyes expressing a melancholic yearning. All of a sudden, he felt wrong for intruding into her private moment. He gently stepped away from her and tried to make a quiet exit, but then Shepard caught him with the corner of her eyes. She made a pulling gesture, using her biotics to pulled him back towards her.

"Garrus, you haven't told me reason why you're here. You're not here to steal my pictures... or some of my 'clothes', are you?"

"Wait! It was a mistake. I've didn't mean to..."

"Calm down, I only wanted to hear what you have to say. I trusted that you wouldn't do such a thing."

Shepard pointed at the couch behind the glass case, gesturing him to sit. He nodded at her, accepting her invitation. After they both sat down, Shepard placed the picture onto the coffee table and looked at him.

"Now, what's the issue here?" Shepard asked.

"Issue? Well, there's no issue here..."

Shepard rolled her eyes, "Garrus, you're such a bad liar, did you know that? If you really don't have any issues, you wouldn't be sitting my quarters right now."

Garrus began to sputter, "But I..."

"Don't beat around the bush. Get to the point."

At first he was reluctant, but the way her eyes glimmered as she locked them to his, it silently pushed him to reveal it all to her. Garrus took a deep breath and started to express his concerns for her, from the aftermath of Horizon to the current situation where the morale within the Normandy had been dampened by the lack of her presence. As every word came from his mouth, Garrus expected her to rile up her military bravado and express her outrage, but instead she sat there patiently while listening to him with a silent acknowledgment. It troubled him even more, that while he revealed all the biting criticism from the crew, Shepard didn't show any slight defensive reaction. He couldn't stand to see her pride being eroded away any longer.

"What happened to you? This is not the woman I've known. You used to take no apologies for doing the right thing in your own way," Garrus remarked.

"You're right Garrus, this isn't me, I'm not the perfect 'Bastion of the Galaxy' everyone proclaims me to be. If I was, I wouldn't be chafing under the Illusive Man's thumb."

"This isn't your fault! The Council and the Alliance just turned a blind eye, despite all the things that you've gone through before. There's no other options, you just have to join Cerberus for the right reasons."

"What about Ash? She left because of my-so-called 'right reasons' at the time," Shepard retorted.

"She was blinded by her emotions. Her grudge with Cerberus got over her head."

"But that proves once again, I've made another mistake: losing the trust of your comrade. As a commanding officer, you should never lose the trust of your crew. Ash lost her trust in me and when she turned away... "

Shepard couldn't finish her sentence, as she held back her emotions by closing her eyes and turning away. It took her a moment before she regained enough composure to continue, "I could only blame myself."

Garrus reached out and patted her shoulders in comfort. "You cannot help it that she turned her back...you did the best you could."

"So... this is the best I can do?" Shepard just asked rhetorically. She bitterly chuckled, before continuing, "The best I can do is to get everyone killed or leave my side."

"You're wrong! I would never leave your side, even if I was in Ash's place."

"Really? Even if I make all the bad choices along the way."

"Shepard, I've always believed in you. I know you won't make the wrong choices."

"Open your eyes, Garrus. I'm not some invincible space marine. I'm still human and I can still make mistakes like Virmire and... Elysium."

Shepard's whole body began to shake nervously after she mentioned Elysium. She buried her face into her hands, feeling drained from remembering the old painful memory from her past mission. She rubbed her eyes before looking up to him.

"Sometimes, I question my own capabilities to lead everyone into the fire and safely bring them out, especially what happened to my old team back on Elysium."

"What really happened exactly?" Garrus asked.

Shepard bit her lip nervously, "I guess it's time for me to be honest about this. It's up to you to judge me in your own mind, but please don't tell anyone about this."

"I promise that it won't get out of this room."

Garrus then watched as she locked her eyes back on him, who was preparing to confess her hidden shame from her past.

* * *

 _Shepard held her sniper rifle close to her chest, the rain falling heavily from the dark clouds that covered the Elysian sky, while rushing through the muddy terrain. Without any warning, she lost her balance when she slipped forward, diving her head first into the muck. She lifted herself off the ground while shaking her head. By the time she got up, her face was caked with mud. However, appearances were the last thing she wanted to worry about, as she had other problems to deal with at the moment._

 _There was a big group of raiders and criminals rushing into Elysium, breeching through the colony's defences the ground forces were struggling to hold them back. Her commanding officer had ordered her to go back to the heart of the colony to warn them and rally any civilian who was willing to join their ranks temporarily. Shepard was reluctant to leave her crew behind, especially when she was the only biotic soldier on the team, who could hold up most of the defences with her abilities. However, her superior was persistent with his order, leaving her no choice but to follow it through._

 _She continued rushing her way to her destination, when she heard a child sobbing somewhere nearby. Shepard looked around, searching for the source of the noise. It took a few minutes before she found it. The cry came from a little turian girl, who was fallen into a nearby rocky opening, she was lost and hurt. Shepard was unsure how to deal with this situation; she could not delay her message and the request for reinforcements any longer as the raiders were closing in, but couldn't leave this helpless child behind, especially considering it was a hostile area. As she continued to ponder, the child cried out loud pitifully._

" _Mama! Papa!"_

 _Shepard peered down at the opening, "It's going to be okay little girl. I'll get you out of here."_

" _No! Go away you big meanie!"_

" _Meanie? What have I done to you, little one?" Shepard asked._

" _Papa says I should stay away from big meanie humans like you."_

 _Shepard started to climb down into the hole, while continuing to talk to her, just to ease the fear away from the child, "It's okay. Not all big humans are bad. If I'm a big old meanie, I wouldn't climb down here to get you out."_

" _I... guess so," the girl mumbled while fiddling around her coat nervously._

 _When Shepard reached to the bottom of the hole, she activated her omni-tool and start patching up most of the girl's injuries as she can. While she was giving her treatment, she asked the girl her name._

" _My name is Isia."_

" _That's a nice turian name," Shepard remarked._

" _Have you seen mama and papa?"_

" _No, but we're going to find them."_

 _Isia got up and took a step back away from her, "But papa says that I should not follow a human."_

" _Listen to me, the bad guys are going to be here soon. They are going to take you away from mama and papa. You don't want that to happen to you, right?" Shepard asked in a desperate tone._

 _After the girl replied by shaking her head, Shepard stretched her hand out and continued, "Then trust me, Isia. I promised that I will bring you home, safe and sound."_

 _Then a loud gunshot was heard in the distance, causing Isia to squeal in fright, before rushing to Shepard's side and huddling close to her. Shepard patted her gently to soothe her fears away, while looking up towards the sky. She started to worry about her team, since the sound of the gunshot seemed_ _slightly too close for her liking, indicating that the raiders had managed to break through their defences. Still, she had a task and a promise to be fulfilled, so Shepard gestured the girl to climb onto her back. After Isia was secured by holding onto her tightly, Shepard tried to climb up the rocky ridges as fast as possible._

 _Once they reach the surface, Shepard was about to make their way towards the colony, when she heard the tiny girl whining behind her. She was shivering from the cold rain. Shepard closed her eyes gently and activated a biotic bubble sphere around them, which creating a temporary protection from the rain. Then she continued to rush back towards the colony, with a message and a little girl being carried over her back._

 _By the time they managed to reach the colony, Shepard looked over the distance in horror, as she saw a burning flare flying towards the sky, before it combusted into a_ _bright ball of fire. It was a signal where her team were calling out to her, as they were on their last stand, ready to face the inevitable._

 _Shepard knew the message that was conveyed through the flare, 'Take care little soldier. We do not regret anything, Shepard.'_

* * *

"It was too late for my team. They all died while trying to hold the line," Shepard finished her story in a sombre tone.

There was an awkward silence between them. Garrus watched her nervously holding her hands tightly together, while looking up to him, searching for a response from him. Before he was able to find the right words, Shepard began to stammer.

"I know it's unprofessional to let my emotions get in the way, especially when a good defender knows when to make hard choices, like sacrificing few people just to defend the many..."

Garrus raised his right hand to interrupt her, "Shepard, do you remember what you've taught me, two years ago?"

"It's hard to remember all the details, when there was so much going on at that time"

"You said that if I've don't care about the fate of the hostages, I'm just a terrorist with a badge."

"That's right, I did say that back then. Why did you bring this up?" Shepard asked.

"You've did the right thing by saving that girl's life first. Honestly, what's the point of being the heroine if you don't even bother to care about a child's safety, let alone the many lives of the whole galaxy."

"But the team..."

"They died fighting for what they have believed in. You would do the same thing if someone else chose to save a child, right?"

"I guess so..."

"Look, the reason why you're still alive is because your team believed in you and your talents, just like the rest of us now. If you want to honour them, you'd better hold yourself together and continue on this mission. Right now we need you and... I need you as well."

Garrus stuttered at the last words he spoken out before. There was a strange feeling that was flowing inside of his chest, that same emotion he was hoping that he didn't have to confront, especially in front of her. It's one of those feelings he felt ashamed admit to himself. The person he had strong feelings for was his commanding officer, a friend, saviour to the galaxy...

And a human.

He looked at her nervously, expecting Shepard to express her disgust with his accidental confession. However, instead her eyes were brightly lit with her own passion and spirit to fight again. The same passion he longed to see again, since the mission on Horizon, where it was dimmed by her own doubts and fears before.

Shepard gritted her teeth in determination as she got off her seat and start picking up the clothes that have been scattered around them. Garrus followed her, as he was both concerned and unsure what her next actions are. After she got the clothes she needed, she rushed into her private bathroom and locked the door in front of him. He tapped the door gingerly, asking if she was alright. There was a brief moment of silence, as he waited a response from her, then Shepard replied back.

"I'm taking a shower right now. If you even take a small tiny peak through the gap, I'm going to knock the hell out of you first, before giving you the boot to the door with my biotics. Got that?"

Garrus gave out a small chuckle, "I'll wait here, Shepard. Take your time."

He was glad to see her fiery temperament again, as her usual self came back to normal.

* * *

Shepard folded her arms behind her back, as she strode through the shiny halls of the Normandy, while Garrus followed beside her. Her chin was lifted high into the air, displaying her headstrong persona for everyone to see, reminding them why she was known as the golden girl of humanity in the first place. As she continued to walk towards the bridge, he continued to watch over her, still worried about her feelings. Then Garrus noticed the crew make a sudden stop at their current tasks and turn towards her. He can see the sincere relief in their eyes, as they saluted her while walking by them.

When she reached the bridge, where Joker was working on something at the pilot seat, she tapped him gently on the shoulder. The helmsman jumped in fright and looked up at her, quickly pulled the earplugs from his ear.

"Commander, there's something you need?" Joker asked.

"Set a course to Haestrom. We're going to meet up an old friend there," Shepard ordered.

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard was about to turn away, when she heard moans and screams coming from Joker's terminal. She lifted her right eyebrow, while Garrus flared his mandibles at her, cringing from the crude sound effects. Shepard turned and made a loud coughing sound, trying to get the pilot's attention. Joker then quickly fumbled through the terminal's interface with his fingers, trying to turn off the pornographic clips that he'd been covertly watching during his shift. After he turned it off, there was an awkward silence at the bridge section. Even EDI, who normally chattered about the ship's status or made snide comments about Joker, was left speechless about the whole thing.

Shepard crossed her arms, tilted her head at Garrus and asked, "Did you hear anything, Garrus?"

"Nope, didn't hear a thing at all," Garrus replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, I'm glad that we didn't hear any of those inappropriate clips from Joker's terminal, otherwise Operative Lawson would rip him a new one if we did."

As Shepard and Garrus walked away from him, Joker took a long sigh of relief and put the clips away from the screen, focusing on his work again. After they left, EDI decided to mock Joker about it.

"Congratulations Mr. Moreau, you almost managed to get a negative reaction from her."

"Oh shut up," Joker growled, as he bashed the mute button with his thumb.


	6. Interlude ~ Connection and Trust

_2183: SSV Normandy, somewhere in the Skyllian Verge_

" _I'm deeply disappointed with you."_

The words echoed inside his mind, as Garrus stared at the ceiling of the Med-Bay aimlessly, while laying on the medical bed. Two weeks ago, they were just about to leave the Feros colony, when Alliance Command contacted the Normandy about the alarming presence of geth within the Armstrong Nebula. His body was still sore from the last assault, during their infiltration at a inflected science lab in Gagarin System, he managed to injured himself from a surprise ambush due to his carelessness.

Garrus gave out a tiny irritated grunt from his idiotic mistake and his current predicament. He hated the idea of being bedridden, especially at moments like this, when he could be fighting hordes of geth. Not only would he not be at Shepard's side in this mission, but also he was forced to reflect back to his father's vid-mails, since now he had a lot of downtime on his hands.

A few days before the house cleaning operation within the Armstrong Cluster began, his father caught wind of the news, that he took a 'long service leave'. He sent a message to his son, not holding back his distaste about Garrus' absence from C-Sec:

" _Garrus, why did you leave C-Sec? The reason why I've wanted you to join C-Sec, instead of applying for the Spectres, is because I wanted the best for you. I know you don't like it, but galloping around the galaxy with a human Spectre? Look at that messed up, Saren Arterius. This poor excuse for a turian is the main reason why I didn't want you to join the Spectres in the first place. No rules or accountability as a Spectre... It's those things alone that turns any decent person into a monster."_

He snorted angrily and turned his body to one side. Rules, he loathed that word. It was that word alone that cause one of his cases failed during his stint at C-Sec. Whether it be the red-tape that hinders a law enforcer or the loop holes in the system big enough for offenders to escape through. No matter how many times he tried to explain it to his father; he just wouldn't understand.

His mind felt exhausted after he thought deeply about the message. He closed his eyes and dozed.

* * *

 _The dark haze muddled Garrus' perception. It took a while before his vision became clearer, as the bright neon lights flickered in front of him, reminding him of a familiar area he should remember in the first place. He was back on the Citadel Station, this time he was standing in the middle of the Zakera Ward, with a pistol in his hand. There was an eerie silence within the air, which made him unnerved. Garrus looked around and to his horror, he was drenched in blood, while being surrounded by a dozen corpses. All killed by gunshots, and the source of the bullets was the barrel of his pistol._

 _He saw a familiar figure creep out of the shadows from his left. It was his father, who was gripping his talons into a tight fist, glaring furiously at him._

" _By the Spirits... What have you done?"_

" _Wait, I can explain..."_

" _Explain?" His father asked rhetorically, while accusingly pointing at him. Then he continued, "You've killed helpless civilians, who were merely in your way, just to get to this petty turian? This is not a work of a hero. It's a murderer's handiwork!"_

" _Father..."_

" _I am not your father. I don't have a son like you!"_

 _His father stormed off. Garrus tried to catch up to him, but he disappeared within the dark corners of the ward. He then heard a painful wincing sound behind him, another familiar tone. He turned and panicked at the source of the noise. It was Shepard, who was clutching the wound on her abdomen, struggling to stand properly on her feet. She looked delirious and paler than usual, as she was bleeding heavily._

 _As he tried approached her, she pulled her pistol out and pointed at him._

" _Stay away from me, you turian bastard!" Shepard yelled._

" _Wait! Put the gun down for crying out loud. It's Garrus!"_

" _You expected me to put the gun down after you shot me? What do you think I am? An idiot?"_

" _What did I do to you? I would never dare hurt you in any way."_

" _Until now. I used to believe that you're not capable of turning into an abomination. Then... you shot me, traded our friendship for this."_

 _Shepard picked up a broken mirror shard nearby and pointed the reflection towards him. Garrus gasped in terror, as he looked into the shard. His eyes glowed a bright, eerie, electric blue; as the artificial cybernetics were showing through his iris, similar to Saren's. He realised that he was no different to the rogue Spectre had been fighting against._

 _Garrus kneeled down to the ground in front of her and dropped his pistol, "It was a mistake. I'm sorry about this. Please, just let me patch the wound up."_

" _You're damn right it's a mistake. I've shouldn't have taken you into my crew. I've trusted you with all of my heart and now, you've fucking betrayed me. You've almost killed me, just to get to him."_

" _Commander..." Garrus pleaded, but she gave him a deathly stare. He shivered in fear, the usual warmth of her amber eyes was dimmed, to the point it became dark like the cold void._

" _I. Don't. Want. To. See. You. Again." Shepard snarled._

 _Before he had the chance to reply to her, the whole area was enveloped by the darkness, again._

* * *

Garrus snapped his eyes open, before he quickly got up from his bed and yelled her name out loud. He was breathing heavily, trying to calm down, while reminding himself it was merely a nightmare. He felt startled when he felt the sudden soft, feathery touch on his forehead. It was Shepard, who just got back from the mission. She was sitting beside his bed, checking his temperature with her hand.

"Are you alright, Garrus?" Shepard asked with a concerned look.

He took a quick glance at her. She was glowing with health, her eyes still glimmering with the usual warmth. Apart from her old scar, there was not a single scratch on her, let alone the heavy gunshot wound from his nightmare.

Garrus cleared his throat. "I'm fine. I'm not sleeping well, that's all."

"Are you sure? Your temperature has gone higher than it should be..."

"I just had an unsettling dream, but I'm okay now."

"Well, if you need something, pass the message to Dr. Chakwas."

Before Shepard walked out of the Med-Bay, Garrus quickly called out. "Wait! There's something I wanted to ask."

"What is it?"

"Do you think I'm capable of being... a monster?"

The next moment, Shepard tilted her head back and gave a loud jovial laugh. He gritted his teeth and cringed at her reaction to his question. At the same time, he could not help but feel slightly relaxed with the laughter. It felt soothing to him; there was a lyrical tone to her voice, despite the lack of the flanging effect. A moment later, Shepard gave out a soft sigh.

"The only monster you would be capable of becoming, is one those cuddly ones from ' _Where the Wild Things Are'._ "

Garrus gave her a puzzled look on her face, as he never stumbled across that title before. Shepard shook her head gently, pulled a nearby stool and sat beside him.

"It's a classic children's book, very popular among human kids. Most of us have read it through at least once in our childhood. But seriously, what do you mean by being a 'monster'?"

"I'm not sure how to put this, but is it possible that you could turn into the same thing that you've been fighting against?" Garrus asked.

Shepard placed her elbows at the side of his bed and rested her chin onto it. She was in deep thought. Normally she was quick with answering most of the questions he asked, even the harder ones that revolve around ethical discussions, but this question seemed to make her ponder as well.

A few minutes later, Shepard asked, "Ever read any human philosophy works, especially ' _Beyond Good and Evil'_ by Friedrich Nietzsche?"

"I've read a couple but I've never stumbled upon his works before. Why?"

"I've recalled this passage from the book, **'** _And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.'_ Unfortunately, yes. It is possible to become the very thing that you have been fighting against at the end, if we're not careful. I guess I can only advise you to remember to do things the right way, not the fast way, as I've said before."

"I suppose that might help, but still. What if one day, one moment, there will come a time where we are pointing our guns at each other."

"What makes you think that we will be killing each other? Don't tell me you're starting to feel sorry for Saren, are you?"

"Wait, what? There's no way I'm going sympathise that bastard anytime soon!" Garrus protested.

"I'm just teasing. No need to get all defensive or anything."

"Commander, be serious. You never what's going to happen in the future. There might be a time that... I could be blinded. Forgetting the reasons we fight for in the first place... and our friendship."

Shepard reached out and gently held his hand in her grasp. She looked up to him and gave him a soothing gaze, as she tried to reassured him.

"If you do forget... I'll always be here to remind you about our reasons, the connection and trust between us," Shepard replied.

"And if I've don't listen to a reason?"

"Well, if it all fails, I'll smack you over the head to get your senses back."

"That's pretty reassuring to hear," Garrus remarked.

They both chuckled quietly together, as they savoured the private moment between them.


	7. Disconection and Doubt

It was morning in Earth Standard Time on the Normandy when Garrus started working on the ship's weaponry system. He usually woke up earlier then most of the other crew, not due to diligence as most people would believe, but because he needed something to distract himself. Ever since he survived that near-death experience on Omega, he had been haunted by his former team-mates, as their shadowy phantoms loomed over him in dreams. Every single night, they always came to him for the same thing: begging him to avenge their deaths.

Garrus kept the nightmares to himself. Not just because of the shame of failing to protect his team as their leader, but also he didn't want anyone to alert Shepard about it. He knew how she tended to quickly pick out anything that seemed to be abnormal within her ship, even minor things like dreams. However, he was sceptical on how well did she understood him. He knew that Shepard didn't usually take things well when people committed a few questionable acts, especially when it came to himself. However, his vowed retribution on Sidonis meant so much to him, much more than Shepard would be able to comprehend through her human perspective.

For the two years while Shepard was lost within the void, he had seen almost everything within the galaxy, including the dark side of it. Every day, he watched the strong exploit the weak in many horrific and unimaginable ways, crimes that no sapient should commit, or witness. One of those criminals was Sidonis, a fellow turian who sold him and the rest of his men to the mercs, then left them to wither and die. For a human like Shepard, it was an immoral act. For Garrus, it was sin that was beyond the imagination of any good turians.

He softly growled to himself when he thought of him again, while dreading Shepard's reaction if they should stumble across him. Knowing her, she would probably spare his life as usual, much to his chagrin. While he still deeply cared for her, he also find her idealistic viewpoint unbearable at times, which was too naïve in his eyes. He was sure that Shepard didn't see or had never endured the harsh reality, like he had in these last two years of stumbling within the dark.

Then his quiet vigil within the Main Battery was broken, when his terminal alerted him about the incoming mail. He looked into the newly arrived message and read thoroughly. After he finished, he made another growling sound. Someone had found a lead to Sidonis' whereabouts.

Finally, he could put an end to this nightmare for once and for all.

* * *

"Garrus, are you alright?" Shepard asked.

She was standing at the doorway of the Main Battery, while Garrus was still looking at the holographic screen, avoiding eye contact. He grumbled to himself thinking that no matter how hard he tried to hide something, Shepard always managed to figure it out. He wouldn't be surprised if it emerged that she had hidden clairvoyant powers. Since she was going to pry it out from his mind, he figured he might as well spill it out to save time for the both of them.

"I've found a lead to Sidonis recently."

As soon Garrus mentioned that name, he could hear Shepard shuffling her feet uncomfortably behind him. He turned himself to face her. There were no verbal comments. Her silence was the only answer, while she averted her eyes from him.

Garrus continued, "There's a track that leads to the Citadel. A guy name Fade, who helps people like Sidonis disappear."

"You only told me vaguely about him. So, what happened between the two of you?"

"He sold me and my team out to the mercs, before he ran off from Omega with all of his private funds. I need to find him before his trail runs cold again."

Shepard gave him a cautious look, "What are you going to do once you find him?"

"You humans have a saying, 'An eye for an eye, a life for a life'... He owes me ten lives. I'm planning to make him pay."

"Garrus, are you really sure this is what you want?"

"I'm sure. I know you don't like this, but I need to deal this in my own terms."

He gave her a steadfast gaze. The only reaction she gave to his decision was disappointment. Not the usual outraged reaction he usually had seen on his father's face, but a melancholy look in her eyes, as she lamented quietly about something. Whatever she was expressing her sorrow for, he couldn't bring himself to ask her, since he feared that answer might distract his resolve to give some closure to him and his team.

After a moment of silence, Shepard asked. "Do you want me to help you find him?"

Garrus was surprised, while at the same time he gave her a weary look. He knew she usually refused to assist anything that anything morally questionable, unless she had a devious plan behind her. He tried to figure out her hidden agenda behind her offer, but he couldn't tell from the unusually stoic calmness on her face. He was about to turn down her offer, when a part of him wanted to accept it. Not because he needed her help, but because he'd feel bad if he would turn it down. He knew her involvement in this might bite him in the nether regions, but he was willing to take that chance.

"Yes," Garrus replied reluctantly.

* * *

It was 19:00 Citadel Standard Time when the Normandy docked on the station. After the ship was firmly held in place by the safety latches, Garrus stepped outside, with Shepard and Tali following behind him. The same familiar violet lighting greeted him as he looked over the rails, watching over the ward arms that stretched out towards the empty dark space. The scenery was still beautiful and flawless, as if the siege that happened two years ago in the Citadel couldn't even make a slight ugly dent on it.

He heard soft footsteps behind him, as Shepard was walking towards him, while Tali headed down straight to the security check point. Garrus watched as Shepard leaned herself over the rails right next to him. They both watched the landscape. For a while there was silence between them, as Garrus was feeling uneasy about her, since she was also vague about her reasons to assist him. He pondered though. What if she was here to stop him from killing Sidonis? He shook his head dismissively. No _,_ he thought. If Shepard didn't want Sidonis dead, then why didn't she stop him in the first place?

Then the silence broke when Shepard began to casually comment, "It's been two years since I've stepped onto the Citadel. Not much has changed from the looks of it."

"It still has the same dirty streets, crime, poverty and blind ignorance," Garrus scoffed.

"But still has the same beauty and warmth somewhere within the ugly space as well, if you look hard enough."

Garrus tightened his fist. She was definitely wrong. He did not see any sort of beauty during the long dreary nights on Omega; only smog and blood lingered within that pisshole station. Nor he had seen any sort of warmth within the Wards. There was no one he could confine in, especially when the cover up and C-Sec bureaucracy were straining both his mind and spirit.

Shepard noticed his reaction at her comment, she asked him in a gentle manner, "Garrus, you look terrible. Are you sure that you can handle this? We could call it off and wait for tomorrow..."

"No!" Garrus snapped, as he sharply turned to face her. "I've managed to get this far, I'm not going to wait around while Sidonis plans his escape!"

After his sudden outburst, Shepard slowly backed away, giving him a startled look. Garrus then frowned, as he felt ashamed for throwing his anger at her, especially when she only merely trying to help him.

"I'm sorry about this. I'm a little anxious about..."

"... Sidonis," Shepard quickly finished his sentence.

Garrus nodded gingerly. Shepard gently touched his shoulder, while approaching towards him.

"You haven't been the same since I've found you on Omega. I've never seen you ready to kill someone in cold blood..."

"What can I say, Shepard? That in the past two years, I was trying to make up for my own mistakes? I've failed stop the council from covering up about the Reaper threat and slandering your name while you're gone..."

Garrus paused for a moment, as he closed his eyes and looked down at one of the Ward arms in the distance.

He took a deep breath, "And now... my team. If I'd figured out that Sidonis was a traitor sooner, they wouldn't have died. It's my own damn fault. The only way I can make up for that is by killing him."

"Garrus, are you really sure? What if there's more to this..."

"There's no other explanation, Shepard. He's a traitor and my whole team died because of him! If it weren't for you, I would be trapped in the cold void with them."

He gently brushed off her hand and walked away from her. Before he reached towards the door, Garrus turned to her.

"I'm sorry Shepard... But I'm going to do this, whether you like it or not."

* * *

It took a fair bit of 'aggressive' persuasion, but they managed to pry some critical information about Fade's current location and his real identity. They were making their way to the factory district via a hired skycar, where Fade was located, according to one of the operatives that they had 'interrogated' before. To everyone's surprise and Shepard's bemusement, it was Harkin, who had transformed himself from a petty corrupted ex-cop to a con artist. Garrus cringed at the revelation of Fade's identity, while looking out of the window.

Throughout their journey, the tension grew between Garrus and Shepard, to the point where they weren't comfortable enough to talk one and another. Tali tried to start a conversation, just to ease the awkwardness, but then Garrus made a scornful comment that quickly ended the discussion before it had a chance to pick itself up.

"It's okay, Tali. He just woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning. So just ignore him," Shepard apologised, while shooting Garrus a sharp glare.

Garrus snorted, "I don't sleep in one of those bunk beds, Shepard. I"m sleeping in..."

"A sleeping pod. Of course I know that," Shepard interrupted him quickly, before making a snide answer. "It's a human saying for people who act unusually irritable the whole day."

"So you're saying that I'm being obnoxious?"

"Yes, you are. Shutting down Tali is definitely not the nicest thing to do."

"That's because we need to focus on the mission. We can't let ourselves get distracted by something trivial like chit-chats, dwelling on personal problems..."

"Like your anger with Sidonis?"

Garrus was about snap back at her, when Tali quickly yelled at the both of them to stop arguing. Then Shepard and Garrus focused their attention towards Tali, who was crossing her arms and glaring at them.

"Keelah! What's wrong with the both of you? You weren't arguing like this back on the SSV Normandy, while we were hunting down Saren."

Garrus then gave Shepard a suspicious look. "We're in a state of disagreement, that's all I'm saying.

Then all of a sudden, Shepard made a sharp dive towards a vacant spot below them, causing Garrus to bump into the window involuntary from the vehicle's momentum. After she landed safely onto a stable surface, Garrus gave her an accusing glare.

"What the hell was that?" he snarled.

"Parking," Shepard replied while turning off the engine. Then she turned to him, "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About you. Let's just get this out in the open. What's your real concern with me? Be blunt and honest."

"Do you remember Dr. Saleon? You stopped me from killing him before, so are you going to do the same thing with Sidonis?"

"No."

"Then why are you constantly questioning me about killing Sidonis?" Garrus asked.

"This is not a trivial matter. We're dealing with someone's life here. A wrong decision that could lead into heavy consequences."

"So you're saying that you're worried about killing someone outside of the law?"

"No, I'm worried about you. Do you really want to do this?"

Garrus shifted in his seat nervously and looked out of the window quietly, as he turned away from her.

Shepard continued, "I know Sidonis is a traitor, but he used to be your friend too."

"He used to, until that day when sold me and my team out to those mercs. He's not my friend anymore."

"But Garrus..."

"Shepard, if you're still my friend, then help me find him... and let me kill him with my own hands."

There was a moment of silence between them, as Shepard absently looked at the window, lost in thought. Tali made a sneaky glance at the both of them, her hands rubbing together nervously. Then Shepard slowly nodded reluctantly at Garrus and started up the engine again. He made a small sigh in relief, worried what would happened if Shepard backed out. He shuddered quietly at the thought of their friendship ending on a sour note.

As they drove around the Factory District, they saw two Blue Sun mercs heading towards one of the buildings, located at the very place Fade's former operative had pointed out before in the Zakera Warehouse. Garrus told Shepard to follow them. When the mercs had reached their destination, Shepard parked the skycar in front of the entrance of the building that they just walked into. After they got out of the vehicle, they were about to check around the building, when the entrance door slid open, revealing Harkin checking his cargo.

"There he is!" Shepard yelled, which prompted Garrus and Tali to point their firearms at him.

Harkin was bewildered and shocked, while the biotic effects shrouded Shepard, as she gave him a cold hard stare.

"Don't just stand there! Stop them, stop them!" Harkin growled orders to the nearby Blue Suns guards, before quickly retreating himself back to the building.

"Run all you want Harkin. We'll find you!" Garrus roared.

* * *

Garrus was looking out of the window, while Tali was busy trying to hack into the lock leading into another room where Harkin was apparently hiding. Garrus was gripping at the window ledge tightly, tapping his talons anxiously, as he was feeling agitated at the thought of Fade tipping Sidonis off from the radar again. He was deeply pre-occupied to the point that he didn't notice the gentle nudge from Shepard. It took a few times before he realised that she wanted to get his attention.

"Looks like Harkin has gone pretty bad," Shepard remarked, while she gave him a concerned look.

Garrus continued to stare at the window, while he gruffly replied, "He's always been a pain in the ass, but I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate, I'll beat within an inch of his life."

"You seem to be getting tense, Garrus."

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we're here and I don't want him to tip Sidonis off."

Then they heard a faint mechanical sound coming from next door, Shepard turned her back against the wall, while Garrus hid below the window, both of them holding their guns firmly.

"Did you see that?" Garrus asked while looking up towards Shepard.

"I saw something," Shepard replied.

"He's getting ready for us."

"What are you going to do to Harkin if he won't co-operate?"

"He's a real criminal now, working for the Blue Suns. We should have shot him on sight, but I need him alive. So I won't do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue."

Shepard shook her head at him, "You don't need to hurt him to get what you want."

"Don't worry. Harkin is a coward. He'll talk long before I can really hurt him."

There was a brief pause between the both of them, as Shepard was lost in thought. Garrus wasn't sure what she was thinking, but he knew she's questioning him on his decision with Sidonis. Typical of her.

Then Shepard asked, "Are you really going to kill Sidonis when we find him?"

Garrus quickly replied, "That's the plan. It will be quick and painless, unlike everyone he betrayed. He'll be spared the agony of a slow death, which he doesn't deserve. But as long he's dead, I'll be satisfied."

"Do you really think that killing Sidonis would make things right?"

He averted his eyes from her. He began to wonder what would happen after he really did kill Sidonis in the end. Would he be able to find peace once more? He wasn't sure if Sidonis' death would grant him that wish, nor it would make the nightmares disappear. Would it make him happy? Garrus frowned. He knew that answer well: No.

Even if he did manage to avenge his team-mates, it still didn't change the fact that he had another failure to look back on. The loss of his team, being betrayed by someone who he once considered a friend. Omega was still a wretch hive despite his efforts to uphold justice and in the end, he was still a lonely turian filled with regret.

Still, despite all of this, he had already made his promise to his team-mates. Even if killing Sidonis didn't give him the sort of peace that he was hoping for, at least it would give him the chance to grant his team-mates some closure.

"I understand your concern, but it's something that I have to do. Just let me pull the trigger, I can live with the consequences," Garrus firmly replied.

Before Shepard had the chance to discuss his decision, the tiny electronic beeping sound emitted from the door, as Tali finally succeeded in decrypting the security lock. Shepard quickly switched over her firearms, from a sub-machine gun to her favourite sniper rifle. Before she was able to signal everyone to take positions, Garrus quickly rushed through the door, clutching his assault rifle in his hand. He could hear Shepard cursing loudly behind him, but he couldn't care less since he felt time was running short; Sidonis' trail could go cold at any time with a single call from Harkin.

He quickly dodged the incoming hail of bullets, with his quick light footsteps displaying a touch of finesse, while continuing rushing towards the Central Control room. He fired back at the Blue Sun mercs, a shower of bullets piercing through their armour and kinetic barriers, causing them to drop down to the ground before they could even scream in pain. As he leaped onto a large stack of crates, in the corner of his eye he saw another merc aiming at him with a rocket launcher. He quickly jumped to the side, as the rocket missed its intended target. Instead it hit a nearby group of mercs who were charging towards him. Before he was able to retaliate the heavy weapons wielder, all of a sudden a large explosive crate dropped near the offender and he was killed instantly by the blast.

Garrus looked around, trying to find Shepard, but she was nowhere to be seen. He frowned a little, before continuing to climb over the raised platforms, making his way towards the Central Control room. He couldn't blame Shepard if she left his side, since it was pretty clear that she didn't want to assist in killing someone in cold blood. Still, he had managed to get this far now, there was no point in turning back. He was going to finish what he had started. If he was going to lose Shepard, the only person he could consider a close friend in this messed up galaxy, then so be it.

When he managed to get to the other side of the area, his eyes and mandibles were widened in horror, when he saw two heavy mechs marching slowly while aiming their cannons at him. He quickly hid behind a nearby metal pillar, attempting to shield himself from their heavy barrage of ammo. After he stowed away his assault rifle to the back of his hardsuit, he pulled his sniper rifle out and quickly configured the ammo setting. While he was trying figure out a way to deal with the mechs, he heard another loud explosion, this time it almost felt deafening to his ears. The blast was so strong that he could even feel the heat outside of the radius. Garrus peered over from the pillar. The mechs were almost non-existant, if it weren't for that burnt scorch patch on the ground where they had stood.

Then he heard Shepard's voice calling out to him from above. Garrus looked up and saw her waving at him, while holding her heavy weapon. He was surprised but relieved at the same time to see her. Turns out that Shepard never left his side at all.

"Hey Garrus! Next time, will you slow down a little? You know that humans' legs aren't designed to run fast as turians'," Shepard called out.

* * *

Harkin was tapping his console furiously when the door swung open. It was Shepard and Tali, who were pointing their guns at him. He quickly grabbed a bag of his belongings, as he was heading out towards the emergency exit nearby.

Harkin began to taunt them, "You were close, but not close enough..."

Then all of a sudden, Garrus appeared from the emergency exit and smashed his face with the blunt end of his assault rifle. Harkin whined feebly while clutching his face in pain. Garrus quickly grabbed him roughly by the collar. He slammed Harkin to the wall, his talons slightly digging into the skin of the human's neck, while giving him a deathly glare.

"So Fade... Couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

"Come on, Garrus, we can work this out. Whaddaya need?" Harkin asked.

Garrus loosened his grip from Harkin's neck and replied, "I'm looking for someone."

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants."

His temper had flared up, as Garrus couldn't hold back his bottled up grudge with Harkin any longer. He quickly kneed Harkin in the crotch and watched as the offending con man collapsed onto the ground, still clutching the lower part of the body in agony. While Garrus continued to glare at him, Shepard walked towards them, crossing her arm while also looking down at Harkin.

"That had to hurt," Shepard made a snide remark before continuing. "Maybe you should tell us."

"I still don't know what you want," Harkin complained, while struggling to get back on his feet.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him," Garrus replied.

"I might need a little more information than that."

"His name is Sidonis. Turian, came from the..."

Before Garrus finished his sentence, Harkin quickly snapped, "I know who he is. I'm not telling you squat!"

"Is this information really worth all the trouble?" Shepard asked in an annoyed tone.

"I don't give out client information. It's bad for business."

Garrus quickly kneed him in the stomach again. After he collapsed back onto the ground, Garrus placed his foot on Harkin's neck and started to lay the pressure down slowly. The human coughed and started to demand to get his foot off him, which made Garrus push his foot down a little harder, while the talons on his toes started to curl on Harkin's neck.

"You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!" Garrus snarled angrily.

As Harkin pleaded behind the painful choking sound, Garrus felt a light tap on the shoulder. It was Shepard, quietly gesturing at him to stop. He twitched his nose in agreement and slowly lifted his foot off Harkin.

"Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?" Harkin remarked while still coughing as he trying to catch some air.

"No, but Sidonis... opened my eyes," Garrus replied coldly, before making more demands from him. "Now, arrange a meeting."

Harkin slowly got up and headed towards the console. While he was making the call, Garrus pulled out his pistol and made a shifty glance at him. Shepard gave him a worried look, quietly mouthing her objection, but Garrus gave her a devious nod while adding a few more thermal clips into the gun.

Once the call was finished, Harkin told them the meeting place and time, before giving them his parting words, "So, our business is done, I'll be going..."

Before he gets the chance to walk away, Garrus quickly grabbed him by the collar. "I don't think so. You've a criminal now, Harkin."

"So what... you're just going to kill me? That's not your style, Garrus."

Garrus thought deeply about his words. He had been thinking about killing him, but then Harkin made a good point. He gently let go of him.

"Kill you? No, but I don't mind slowing you down a little."

Garrus lifted his gun towards Harkin's leg and as he was about to pull the trigger, Shepard quickly pulled his arm away from Harkin. "You don't need to shoot him. He won't be able to hide from C-Sec now."

There was a brief pause, as Garrus took a quick glance into her eyes. Instead of the usual fiery spark he saw whenever she fiercely demanded other people to follow her orders, it was the same pleading eyes when she 'offered' her assistance. He relented a little and gave out a quiet sigh, before pulling his arm away from her grip. He then grudgingly put away his gun.

"I guess it's your lucky day," Garrus grumbled.

Harkin gave him a mocking grin. "Yeah, I hope we can do this again real soon."

Garrus was about to leave, when he noticed that Shepard was turning her back against them, while walking towards the door. Garrus gave him a vicious smirk, before smashing Harkin's face with his own forehead. Harkin gave out another painful whine, which caught Shepard's attention. She quickly spun around and gave Garrus an accusing look.

"I didn't shoot him," Garrus replied in a sardonic tone.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders in a resigned manner, before they walked out of the building together.

* * *

"Harkin is a bloody menace, we shouldn't have just let him go. He deserves to be punished," Garrus growled angrily.

The skycar was parked somewhere close to the Orbital Lounge. It was dark and quiet, with not too many people walking through, which gave Garrus the chance to vent all his anger towards Shepard. As he continued to rant on about Harkin, Shepard quietly sat still and patiently listened to every single word that expressed his frustration.

After he finished, Shepard gently remarked, "I'm getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You seemed pretty hard on Harkin."

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just not like you."

Garrus turned his head away from her and looked out of the window. If there's something he hated about Shepard, it was her ambiguity and naivety. Even now, he still couldn't figure out why she was willing to help him to find Sidonis, despite her attempts in dissuading him many times while chasing Harkin. Not only that, she started to question him in a cryptic philosophical tone, which made his head spin in confusion. Also, she had no right in asking that sort of question, when clearly, she hadn't been through the same hideous experience as he had.

"What do you want from me, Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?" Garrus asked in an irritated tone.

There was a moment of silence, as Shepard was left speechless by that question. She averted her eyes from him and gently answered, "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me."

"I would have said the same thing before it happened to me."

Shepard gently reached out to hold his hand, "It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't?" Garrus snapped at her, as he pulled his hand away. He continued, "Nobody else knows what he has done. Nobody else cares. I don't see any other options."

"Let me go and talk to him."

"Talk all you want, but it won't change my mind... I'm not you, Shepard."

"This isn't you either," Shepard countered.

"Really?" Garrus asked sceptically. He glared at her while continuing, "I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this..."

His voice trailed off, as he felt a painful lump at the back of his throat, after he mentioned the idea of Sidonis getting away. He felt depressed at thought about his team-mates and how their lives were wasted away by this one sad excuse for a turian. Especially when these men were looking forward to a meaningful life. He remembered one late solar night on the Normandy. Most of the crew were asleep, he quietly wrote letters to their closest family members and friends. Every letter that has been sent away, was equivalent to being shot in the chest, as a punishment not bringing them safely back to their loved ones.

"Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?" Garrus asked her in an anguished tone.

There was no single word from Shepard, only the silence of the uncertainty. He knew that this was the question that Shepard could not win over with her so-called moral superiority.

"I'm sorry, Shepard... words aren't going to solve this problem," Garrus apologised gruffly, before climbing out of the vehicle. He quickly reminded her about the plan. "Keep him talking and remember not to get in my way."

As Shepard drove off to the parking lot, Tali tapped her on the shoulder, "Are you alright, Shepard? Garrus seemed to throw a lot of fire towards you."

"I'm alright, it's just... I don't know."

"Are you planning to stop him?"

"I'm not sure, but I can't turn my back against his wishes now."

* * *

Somewhere on the maintenance walkway, Garrus looked over the lounge area below him, through the scope of the sniper rifle. He searched through the crowd, looking for a familiar face that he loathed, the same face that had haunted him for many nights now. Then his eyes were brightened with fury when he saw Sidonis in his sights.

He quickly called her through the radio, "Shepard, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"All right. There he is... wave him over and keep him talking."

He watched as Shepard made a gesture at Sidonis, calling him over. For someone who lived safely within the mist of deception, he seem to be more jittery and nervous, but it didn't matter to Garrus since Sidonis would be dead soon. While he straightened the alignment of his aim, he noticed that Shepard's head was obscuring his view.

"You're in my shot. Move to the side," Garrus warned her.

As he waited for her, the unexpected happened when Shepard said something beyond his imagination.

"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary."


	8. He who fights monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Apologies for the long delay of the chapter. I have been dealing with Uni and afterwards, I've been hit by a heavy flu. Anyways, I did my best with this chapter. It's the hardest chapter I've been dealing with for a long time, so I hope you guys enjoy it, as I do while writing. As usual feel free to drop a review. And have a Happy New Year, both the western and eastern._

He knew it right from the start. For all the effort he'd given in the past months, all of his energy and spirit drained, while searching for that turian who haunted him in his sleeping hours; Shepard had to screw everything up for him. One single statement about their own connection. One single action that was against his wishes, has changed everything to the point of no return. The unpredictability and uncertainty settled in.

Garrus glowered through the scope, the pupils in his eyes narrowed, while he touched the trigger anxiously. Then he saw Sidonis shifting his body nervously, readying himself to leave. He carefully placed the crosshair of the rifle over Sidonis' head, waiting for that moment.

Then he heard Sidonis' voice through the radio. _"Screw this. I'm not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems."_

 _Now_ , he thought. Garrus quickly adjusted the position of the rifle; he was about to pull the trigger when all of a sudden, his whole body stiffened in horror.

He almost shot Shepard in the head.

One moment, the crosshair of the scope was aiming at Sidonis' forehead, beckoning his combat instinct and thirst for vengeance to pull the trigger against Shepard's wishes. Then the next moment she quickly reached up towards Sidonis' collar to pull him back, which resulted the aim of the cursor pointing towards the back of Shepard's skull. He instantly pulled his finger away from the trigger, fearing that he would lose her again in one single stupid slip-up.

His mandibles twitched nervously while he continued to watch the events that were unfolding in-front of him. The mere thought of her getting even a tiny scratch on her due to his doing, made him shudder, let alone killing her. He idolised her to the point where he took every single word from her to his heart, aiming to be majestic and heroic just like her. And he cared for her deeply, always making sure that she wouldn't be in harm's way while under his watch.

Unfortunately, his protective nature got the better of him.

Then he heard Shepard whispering in an icy tone through the radio, _"I'm the only thing that stands between you and a hole in the head."_

Garrus made a soft growl through the microphone, while glaring angrily behind her. She took this opportunity to use her body to block his sights, refusing to budge despite his protestation. He could have shot at an empty space nearby, make enough distraction for her to jump aside, so he could have a clear view to shoot Sidonis. However, Garrus couldn't bring himself to go against her wishes, let alone turning the tables against her.

Before he was able to question further about the trust between them, he heard Sidonis' voice bemoaning, _"Look... I didn't want to do this... I didn't have a choice."_

"Everyone has a choice..." Garrus snarled angrily through the speakers.

Even he had a choice. When he first heard how suicidal the mission was, he could have turned it down and walked away from this insane proposal, continued to hunt down Sidonis. However, instead he accepted it in a heartbeat, because it was this human woman who had asked him. The same human who he pledged his undying loyalty. And this human's name was not Commander Shepard, the Heroine of the Citadel; but Elly, a normal colonist girl who had grown up too fast, who he had met two years ago in the garden. It was for her that he was willing to follow her all the way to the end of the universe, just to be at her side, because he cared for her and trusted her.

And loved her.

Garrus tightened his grip at the handle nervously. As he continued to listen to Sidonis' pathetic reasoning for his atrocious actions, he swallowed a small painful lump. He was afraid to admit to that feeling that he had been hiding it for a while. He was trying to trick himself that he merely wanted to follow her around, just to show some support like any good friend should do. However, the current heated tension made him spill out all of the emotion he had been suppressing and force himself to face the truth. Because of that stupid feeling, He was willing to restrain himself from disobeying her orders, allowing her to guide him through a slow, uncompromising heroic path without question as time went on...

And he decided to take her along to this hunt, despite knowing that deep down, she would screw up for him at the end.

Sidonis continued, _"They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"_

The sentimental haze was swept away by his own heated anger. For all the lives that _their_ team had lost senselessly and the suffering he endured, this was his excuse? Sidonis should have known better than to act like a coward, especially if he was a turian. In fact, Sidonis should have considered himself lucky that he was getting a swift death soon. Other turians don't usually take _kindly_ to any cowards of their own kind.

"Let me take the shot, Shepard. He's a damn coward," Garrus demanded.

But Shepard ignored him and continued to question Sidonis. _"That's it? You were just trying to save yourself?"_

Her prolonged discussion almost drove Garrus mad. Most people would have kill him already after he confessed up his so-called 'reasoning' behind his actions; even an asari wouldn't grant him forgiveness after this, let alone a human. Especially a human who killed any slavers on sight without second thoughts, like Shepard. He shook his head hastily while trying to concentrate. Right now Sidonis was right in front of him. He wasn't going to let him walk away easily, especially when he already made his promise to his team mates. And it was a promise he intended to keep, even if that meant breaking that connection and ending their friendship violently with a bullet in Sidonis' skull. He was about to yell angrily at her about the pointlessness behind her questioning and order her to step aside, when he heard Sidonis replying to her.

" _I know what I did. I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that."_

Garrus started to loosen his grip on the gun as he managed to pick up Sidonis' guilt-ridden tone. It was the same tone that he had heard it back in Omega, after he and the rest of the team dragged Sidonis away from havoc he created in one of their missions.

Sidonis continued, _"I wake up every night... sick... and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me... accusing me."_

The memories of the times they fought together flooded back into his mind, much to Garrus' dismay. He tried to push it away but they continued to linger, as a nagging reminder about the friendship between him, Sidonis and the rest of the team.

* * *

" _Any signs of either him or any of the Devilmen gang members?" Garrus asked while looking at the seedy gentleman's club below him. He was perching at the nearby ledge, hiding within the shadows of the streets of Omega._

 _Then someone replied to_   
_him through the radio transmission, "None at all."_

" _Well, I'm going into the club. Stay put until I'll give the signal, Butler."_

" _I don't like this Garrus, but we trust your judgement. Good luck."_

 _After he turned off the radio transmission, he pulled the hood of the heavy coat over his head and leapt down from ledge. Garrus then quickly blended into the crowd discreetly while walking towards the entrance of the club. He gently pushed other patrons who were waiting in a line, before confronting a krogan bouncer who was blocking the doorway._

" _Hey you! Get back into the line and wait for your turn. This rule applies to everyone, especially with your kind."_

" _What about VIP members?" Garrus asked._

" _Well, do you have any proof?"_

 _Garrus lit up his omni-tool device, "How about a nice tip for your outstanding effort in your shift?"_

 _The bouncer looked at the amount and replied, "Hmm... you seem like a decent customer. I'll let you in, but start any trouble, I'll boot you out of the club personally. Understood?"_

" _Fair enough."_

" _Enjoy the show, turian."_

 _As soon Garrus stepped into the main venue, his senses were flooded with the bright florescent flashing lights within his sights and the steady rhythmic beats that guided the club dancers to a provocative sway. He carefully scanned the whole room, trying to find his comrade within lecherous crowds, who were gazing at a human striper dancing on the main stage. Garrus gave out a small sig_   
_h._   
_there's no sign of Sidonis, which set him on edge more than usual. It didn't help that he also noticed the numbers of the Devilmen gang members who occupied the venue were much higher than usual. He knew this was not going to be a easy night for him and his team._

 _He quickly took a vacant table near the stage and pretended to take an interest in the show, making sure that he didn't draw any sort of attention to the members. While he still continued to make occasional sneaky glances, he also started to observe another turian patron next to him, leering at the topless human dancer. Garrus scoffed quietly to himself, showing his indifference to the interaction between them. Being tolerant with humans was one thing, but the idea of having some sort of sexual desire for them was a another story. He doesn't see the appeal to them at all, the hair patch on their heads was too flimsy and they looked unsupportable with their fragile physique. Besides, even if he did have a morbid fetish with humans, that dancer didn't have the same fighting flair as Shepard._

 _He shuddered at the thought of her. It had been a year since she had died, but the memories were still vivid as day and that wound was still painful to him. He quickly pushed it aside from his mind and tried to focus on the mission. He scanned around the room again. While he still couldn't find Sidonis, he did see the leader of the Devilmen coming into the venue with large commotion. There was no mistake: it was him, 'Vinny the Smiling Heart-Breaker', a human male who wore elaborate tattoos on his back and right arm; the designs were unique enough that even people could even recognise him at a distance._

 _While Vinny ran the usual illegal chores in the station like every other criminal; there was one thing that made him infamous within the station and that was his scandalous affairs. Actually, 'scandalous' was_   
_too nice a term to describe him. There was a reason he was known as 'The Smiling Heart-Breaker": Vinny enjoyed luring naïve teenage girls into his bed, spreading around his vicious sexual-transmitted disease_   
_, before ditching them unceremoniously a few days later. Afterwards he would target the next girl to repeat his habit. Sometimes a girl might be unfortunate enough to be pretty by his standards, in which case he would forced her to work as a prostitute under his ownership. Also there was a rumour circulating around Omega, that one time he spat into Aria's cocktail and managed to get away with it. Garrus shook his head in disgust. He almost felt compelled to punch some sense into him, but he quickly restrained himself since he wanted to stay on good terms with the club... for now._

 _Garrus quickly alerted his team to get into their positions through the radio. He knew Sidonis was nearby and things were about to hit the fan soon if he doesn't intervene into the situation on time. After he turned off the transmission, he stood up from his seat and looked around the area, this time with a careful eye. He finally found Sidonis, who was hiding at the far end of the room, cracking his knuckles while glaring at the gang leader coldly. Before Sidonis was able to approach Vinny, Garrus quickly rush up to him, grabbed him by the hooded part of his torso and handled him in a thuggish manner._

" _Garrus, what the hell are you doing?" Sidonis growled._

" _We're going to have a little chat, just between you and me, Lantar_ _._ _" Garrus replied._

 _It took Garrus a bit of effort to hold his calm composure, with Sidonis snapping angrily back at him, but he managed to drag him inside a vacant restroom for males. Garrus shoved Sidonis roughly to the other side of the room and locked the door behind him. He could still hear the heart-pounding dance music, except now it_   
_was dampened by the sterile grey tiles on the wall. While it was a little unnerving due to the circumstances they were in, at least it gave them an opportunity to discuss the 'mission' without raising their voices._

 _After Sidonis brushed himself off, he growled, "Garrus, are you fucking blind? I was about to deal with them!"_

" _Yes, I saw that. What I also saw: a hot-headed turian who was about rush towards The Devilmen, one of the most dangerous triads on Omega, with nothing but an SMG."_

" _Damnation by the spirits!_ _Have you forgotten what he did to my sister?"_

 _Garrus replied, "No I haven't. It's disgusting what he did to her, but we can't just rush in like a mindless idiot. We have to think up a plan first."_

" _So... w_ _e're going to sit and wait, while he continues on, ruining more lives?" Sidonis asked him, as he approached closer to him. He continued, "Do you know how it feels to lose someone close? If you did, you wouldn't be sitting on your ass for a whole cycle and 'plan'..."_

 _Before Sidonis got the chance to finish his sentence, Garrus wrapped his fingers tightly and slammed them against Sidonis' cheekbones. The force of his punch was so hard_   
_that Sidonis quickly lost his balance and fell_   
_to the floor with a painful thud. Garrus gave out a sharp snarl, while he bared his razor sharp teeth, expressing a fury that he hadn't felt for a long time._

" _Don't! You! Dare! Lecture me about love and loss! I have lost someone before and I damn well knew how it felt. There's this human woman I know... she was my whole galaxy. Then one day, she was gone in a blink of an eye and... I didn't get the chance to say good-bye to her for one last time."_

 _Sidonis gave him a started look, as he struggled to get back onto his feet. While he was nursing his sore mandibles, Garrus continued on. "You think you're the only one who suffered her loss? The whole team felt it as well. If one of us are hurt, the rest of us will damn-well feel it too."_

" _Look, Garrus. I know you and the rest of the team meant well, but... I still felt helpless and pathetic after I've failed to save her. I want to do something to make it right, just for her."_

" _And Leska wouldn't want to see you being hurt in any way. Sidonis, please drop this for now... for your sister's sake."_

 _There was a moment of silence as Garrus expressed his exasperation with Sidonis, who was still glaring at him. Then Sidonis gave out a sigh of resignation and began his apology._

" _You're right. I'm sorry about this Garrus. Let's just forget about it and go back to the base."_

 _  
_

* * *

 _  
_Garrus continued to look through the scope, watching as Sidonis revealed his confessions to Shepard. He wasn't sure if Sidonis was aware that he was listening the whole time, probably he was, judging from the way conversation between them. Garrus knew he wasn't the type to confine his thoughts to other people, since he was a shy person, who preferred spend time some quiet time in the base, rather than go out to bars and nightclubs. He then let out a small chuckle, filled with bitterness, as he reflected on the memories. Those moments seemed to feel like they were from a distant past, a better time when Garrus felt invincible to the point that he wasn't afraid of his own limits or betrayal, while Sidonis was still his team-mate and a trusted friend he could rely on.

Thinking back, Garrus wondered how everything went wrong, especially with Sidonis, the person he least expected to betray him and the team. There were times when they disagreed, especially with regards to dealing with Vinny and Leska's untimely death, but he was a modest turian who had a pleasant demeanour and always displayed his honesty to everyone. Yet, there he was, running away from Omega, while leaving Garrus and the team for dead. And now, the crosshair was pointing at Sidonis' skull, waiting for him to pull the trigger...

All of a sudden, Garrus realised that Shepard wasn't obscuring his sight any more. He looked through it again, checking to make sure that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. While Sidonis continued on with his ramblings, she seem to stand a fair distance from him, giving enough space for Garrus to shoot him without any interference. As he was about to pull the trigger, a small nagging thought started to trouble him. His instincts were trying to tell him that there's something amiss with this 'exposure'. Then he started to remember that Shepard rarely made mistakes in her missions, judging by the time he served with her. The only time when they showed up, was due to being left in a tight situation like Virmire and Horizon.

He started to observe Shepard's expression and gesture. As she continued to cautiously watch Sidonis, he noticed that once in a while, she tended to look up towards him with an apprehensive look on her face.

His mind started to twirl in confusion. While he had the opportunity to shoot him, for some reason he started to feel reluctant to do it. He wondered if that reluctance was due to the friendship between him and Sidonis, or if Shepard's presence had made him nervous. Either way, he knew that Shepard had made another devious lesson for him, that was subtly nested within the heat of his vengeance against Sidonis the whole time.

" _I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste_ _. Some days I just want it to be over,"_ Sidonis lamented.

Garrus could hear a faint sorrow and regret in his voice. While he was still furious at Sidonis for what he had done, he started to pity him. Sidonis' remorseful tone reminded him that despite all the atrocious crimes he committed, he was still the same person that he knew from those better times.

Regardless, he still wanted to put Sidonis out, but only because he still had a promise that needed to be fulfilled.

"Just give me the chance," Garrus pleaded softy.

Shepard shook her head, _"You've got to let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crime."_

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life..."

" _Look at him, Garrus. He's not alive..."_ Shepard countered as she glanced over Sidonis' shoulder with a pitiful look. She continued in a sombre tone, _"There's nothing left to kill."_

"My men," Garrus shuddered as he looked over the rail, where they were standing. Then he finished off his sentence, "...they deserved better."

Within the midst of their tense debate, Sidonis then abruptly said, _"Tell Garrus... I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right..."_

That tone was the same tone that Sidonis used before, during that night where everything had gone to hell. At the time, he felt really bad for dragging Garrus and the rest of the team into the mess.

* * *

 _Garrus knew the night was not going to easy for him and his team, but he didn't expect that it would take a_   
_turn for the worse. Despite his best efforts to get Sidonis out in one piece from the club, one of the members of the gang recognised him, despite the density of the crowds. Then shots were fired after the Devilmen were alerted about their presences, causing the crowds to flee in panic. Everything became a blur in that moment, as the nauseating whiff of smoke, alcohol, sweat and blood filled the air, overpowering his senses. Despite being caught in the midst of chaos, Garrus still managed to hold his cool, as he called in the signal to his crew for assistance._

 _After Garrus gave out the signal, Sidonis tapped him on the shoulder, while cowering behind the stage next to him. His pupils were narrowed as he panicked._

" _Oh shit! We're outnumbered, how we're all going to survive all of this?"_

 _Garrus calmly pulled his assault rifle out and replied, "Well, we're going to do it the hard, messy way without any style."_

" _No... you're not going to just shoot them head on, right?" Sidonis shook his head in disbelief._

" _Yes, I'm afraid so. Before you tell me it's crazy, I half expected this would happe_ _ned. So, I've planned ahead with the team, before coming here. And exchanging a barrage of bullets is part of the plan."_

" _Are you sure about this? What if it doesn't work out and Vinny ma_ _nages to exchange a single round into your head personally?"_

 _Garrus gave out a mocking chuckle, "Ah Lantar, you have underestimated me again. I'm quite hard to kill, more_   
_than most idiots realise. Stick with me and everything will be alright."_

" _I suppose so, it's better than nothing. So what happens now?"_

" _Right now, we'll be sending the Devilmen back home... to the dark void."_

 _There was a loud exploding sound coming from the back part of the venue. Any of the gang members who were standing nearby there_   
_were killed off quickly from the blast. After the thick smoke was cleared away, the rest of Garrus' team came rushing in, shooting rest of the Devilmen thugs who were in their way. Garrus and Sidonis hopped out from their hiding spot and joined the fight._

 _Garrus wasn't sure how long the shooting lasted, but it took a fair amount of time before the dust settled and all of the Devilmen triad members were dead. However, within the scattered corpses that were laying around the empty venue, he couldn't see Vinny anywhere. They started to search for him within the club, leaving four of their team-mates behind to guard the exit points, while the rest were split into smaller groups. Garrus and Sidonis were paired together and they headed upstairs, where Vinny's personal office and quarters were located._

 _The door to the room was locked, but it was encrypted with a code simplistic enough, that Garrus managed to hack through without trouble. Once the they managed to open the door, they quietly walked into the room, gripping their firearms tightly. As they combed through the room, Garrus noticed the system terminal was still on. He activated the connection and started to download the contents to his omni-tool._

 _As Sidonis was pe_ _e_ _king through some of the personal belongings, Garrus saw something in the reflection of the mirror next to the terminal. It was Vinny, hiding behind one of the curtains, aiming his pistol at Sidonis. Garrus quickly reacted by pushing Sidonis out of the way, just before the trigger was pulled, causing him to get hit by the bullet in the process. He clutched his abdomen tightly where the bullet had landed, a small trickle of blood soaking his coat and the clothing underneath it. Despite the injury, he managed to shoot back at Vinny, one of his bullets landing onto his chest. The human thug then slowly collapsed onto the ground, as his life was draining away. Garrus stumbled toward him cautiously, still pointing his gun. He took another shot, this time at the head, as he wanted to make sure that Vinny was dead for good._

" _Guess you and your buddies will be serving the devil himself tonight," Garrus remarked dryly, before he fell back onto the bed nearby._

" _Garrus!" Sidonis yelled as he rushed to his side, trying to treat his wound._

 _A few minutes later, the rest of the team came rushing into the room, after they heard the gunshot. When they saw him in that state, all of them were yelling their concerns for his health. It took him a lot of effort, but he managed to calm everyone down a moment later._

" _It's okay... it's only a flesh wound. I'll live."_

 _Then Sidonis quickly helped him up. While he carried him on his shoulders, to help him leave the club, he quickly apologised in a remorseful tone. "I'm... I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to drag everyone into this mess and get you..."_

" _Relax... everyone makes mistakes," Garrus replied. He gave out a hoarse cough and continued, "Just promise me and the rest of us not to pull a stupid move like that again, especially if it involves your own life."_

 _Sidonis meekly answered, "Okay."_

 _  
_

* * *

 _  
_Sidonis was not a perfect person. In fact, throughout Garrus' lifetime, no one in this galaxy was. His father, his superiors back in the military, Executor Palin, the councillors, the Spectres, Commander Shepard and even himself. However, if there was a single redeeming element from him that stood out, it's that he was quick to own his mistakes and keep his word that he wouldn't make them again. While Sidonis' crimes were still atrocious, at least he confessed them front of him and Shepard truthfully, like the old Sidonis that he used to know.

His head started to spin as he continued to look at Sidonis, who looked more despondent than he could remember. He could feel the tense stillness between them and it didn't help that down below, Shepard was rubbing her hands nervously together. She was looking up in his direction and gave him that solemn expression on her face. He knew what it meant.

It was all up to him now. No one, not even Shepard, would stop him from making that decision. That one decision that would affect him for the rest of his life.

He glanced aimlessly into the scope as he thought hard about it. He usually kept his promises and fulfilled them, no matter how hard the promise might be. On the other hand, while it was still the most unforgiving thing that Sidonis ever did to him and his team, he couldn't bring himself to kill him. He was already living a life that was worse than death itself, he confessed his crimes like any good turian would do and underneath that loathsome cowardliness, he still cared about the team. Garrus started to wonder. What would the team do if they could get the chance to communicate with him again?

What would Elly do if she was in his spot?

He pondered for a while. Then he took a deep breath as he made up his mind about his decision. He decided to do what every decent person would do.

Garrus activated the radio channel and replied, "Just go... tell him to go..."

Shepard didn't waste a single moment, as she quickly spun around and gave Sidonis a warning in a low threatening tone. _"He's giving you a second chance, Sidonis. Don't waste it."_

Sidonis nodded back to her in acknowledgment, _"I'll try, Garrus. I'll make it up to you somehow."_

As Sidonis thanked Shepard, Garrus folded his rifle back into its compact assembly and walked away quietly.

* * *

Somewhere outside of the Orbital Lounge, Garrus sat on a vacant bench and reflected on the days events. He realised that there was no clear contrast of black and white, no one is a complete saint or a demon. Any criminal that he could run into might have some redeeming qualities, like being a devoted husband to his wife or murdering someone due to unavoidable circumstances. His confrontation with Sidonis proved that to him. He felt even more confused and lost, especially after Shepard revealed all to him with a mere defiance.

He almost wanted to curse her, not for stopping him from taking the shot, but for revealing to him that the galaxy was filled with grey overtones. And at the same time, he almost wanted to thank her for that same reason.

Either way, if there's one thing he was glad about, that he had managed to put this matter to rest now. Even if he didn't kill Sidonis, he still had a good feeling that his team-mates were now laid to rest and he might able to sleep peacefully at night once more.

Then he saw Shepard and Tali in the skycar, as she parked it in front of him. He quickly stood up and started to walk towards her. He wanted to tell her that need more time to think this through. As Shepard got out of the vehicle, Garrus folded his arms and gave her a stern look.

"Shepard, I know you want to talk about this... but I don't. Not yet."

Shepard took a step closer towards him. "I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best."

"I'm not so sure..."

"Give it time."

"Yeah. Maybe that'll be enough... I want you to know I did the right thing. Not just for me... for my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights..." Garrus hesitantly paused for a moment, before continuing in a quieter tone. "I just couldn't do it."

"The lines between good and evil blur when we're looking at people we know."

"Yeah. There was still good in him... I could see it. It's so much easier to see the world in black and white... grey..."

Garrus looked down and shook his head. "I don't know what to do with grey."

"You got to go with your instincts," Shepard replied.

"My instincts are what got me into this mess."

He started wondering if his past actions had caused all of this. If they did, then it explains why Shepard was restraining him the whole time, during their hunt for Saren. She must have foresaw how his 'gut feelings' might cause situations like this. Before he was able to ponder further, he felt a gentle pat on his left shoulder. He looked up. It was Shepard, who was trying to reassure him.

"Garrus... don't be too hard on yourself."

Garrus slowly nodded at her, "Thanks, Shepard... for everything."

As they continued to stare at each other silently, he started to feel awkward. It didn't helped that he was still recovering from that adrenaline rush he had before, while aiming at Sidonis.

Garrus wanted to head back to the Normandy, he quickly suggested. "Let's get going. I need distance from this place."

Shepard nodded back at him, "I'm with you."

* * *

The journey back to the main hub of the Zakera Ward was long and tedious, which made him feel even more on edge. Garrus took a sneaky glance Shepard, who was concentrating on the highway. He needed to do something to keep his spirit at ease, just for this moment. He was about to reach out and hold her hand, when Garrus started to have second thoughts about it and pulled his hand back towards him. Instead, he looked out of the window, hiding his own disappointment from her. While he tried to study the scenery from the window, he felt someone was squeezing his hand gently. He looked back and it was Shepard, who was holding his hand while giving him a comforting glaze. He nodded back at her, while squeezing her hand in response.

For what it was worth, he was glad that the connection between them never wavered or broke, despite this troubled moment.


	9. Interlude ~ Thorns on the Rose

_2183: Somewhere inside Flux, a Citadel bar._

Shepard ordered a glass of whiskey on the rocks. Well actually it was ice, but humans enjoyed bending words into other meanings, something that Garrus had been trying to decrypt for a while now. She tried to offer some drinks to him, but he declined, since he wanted to stay sober while 'guarding' her. Not that Shepard needed to be protected, she could handle herself in most situations, but he felt more at ease when she was under his watch.

Then to his dismay he saw a familiar male human walking into Flux. It was Kevin Cooper, a local troublemaker who spent his time extorting residents for money and jumping into bar brawls for kicks. He always gave his C-Sec co-workers a headache whenever he got tossed behind bars, to the point that Garrus always had a decent supply of aspirin in his old office on hand. He pretended not to notice him, but Kevin recognised him through the crowds and decided to approach him.

"Hey Garrus!"

"It's Officer Vakarian," Garrus sternly reminded him.

"You're not a cop anymore now, so why I should call you 'Officer Vakarian'? Speaking of that, heard you quit C-Sec."

"For your information, I did not quit the force. I'm actually on Long Term Service leave."

"Oh really? I also heard that you're sick of playing the good cop."

"Look Kevin, do yourself a favour and just leave me alone."

Kevin pouted at him. "Awww... we were just getting along nicely..."

Then he started to notice Shepard, calmly drinking her whiskey. Garrus cringed when he recognised that expression on Kevin's face. It was the same expression that most patrons in Chora's Den used, when they lusted over the lithe topless dancers.

"What a looker! Never seen a human girl with such a sweet bod as her. Oooh, nice legs too..."

"That's my commanding officer you idiot! And no, she's not interested," Garrus snarled.

Kevin raised an eyebrow, "Your boss, eh? Well, ain't you a lucky bastard. I wish my boss was just as hot as her. I would gladly drop down and give her twenty... If you know what I mean."

"Okay, that's enough! For the love of the spirits, walk away. You will regret it, if you don't."

"Oh yeah? Well, you're going to regret it by standing in my way, cuttlebone!" Kevin yelled before he punched Garrus on the right side of his face.

Garrus stumbled back a little, clutching his cheekbone while expressing his shock. He could feel the heat burning inside of his body, tightening his fists as he glared angrily at Kevin. He had it. No one was going to get near Shepard while he was still breathing, especially if it involved defiling her honour. Garrus gave out a threatening growl to Kevin, as he was psyching himself up for a fight. He was about to tackle him when all of a sudden, he couldn't move.

It took him a few seconds to realise that someone had cast a biotic stasis field on him. The next moment, Shepard walked up to him and gently shook her head, before approaching Kevin. To Garrus' disgust, Kevin gave him a victorious smirk.

"Hey baby. Did you know that you're the sweetest girl in the galaxy? If not, then let me be the first person to tell you that. Even a blue blooded turian like Garrus is already charmed by your looks. So... what can I do for you?"

"You mentioned something about dropping down and giving me twenty, right?" Shepard asked.

"Oh yeah. So... you wanna come to my place or do you want me to book a room, so I can drop it down for you?"

"Actually, let's do this right here and right now..."

Then Shepard threw a punch into Kevin's face, which caused him to crash down to the floor in a painful manner. She pressed her foot down on his back and started to lay down the pressure hard.

"What the fuck are you doing, bitch?" Kevin yelled.

"Dropping you down, so you can give me twenty," Shepard replied cooly.

Meanwhile Garrus watched in bemusement, as Shepard continued lay down the 'punishment' for the unfortunate human. Of all people, he would have least expected to see Shepard pull something thuggish like that. The same woman who preferred to use her own charm to defuse a situation, while maintaining her gentler side, was acting like a typical hard-ass soldier at this very moment.

Then again, he should have seen it coming, after that incident with the reporter.

The stasis effect faded away from him. Garrus didn't waste a second as he rushed towards her side; he wanted to make sure that Shepard didn't go too far with Kevin, but mainly he wanted to see where this was going.

"Get off me!" Kevin growled, as he coughed and sputtered under her foot.

"I will, if you apologise properly to my turian friend."

"No fucking way I'll be apologising to that cuttlebone!"

Shepard stomped her foot again, "Wrong answer."

"Uh... that's a little extreme," Garrus whispered quietly into her ear. While he had his days back in C-Sec, where he stepped over the line with the suspects, the way Shepard dealt with Kevin made his stomach squirm a bit.

And strangely enough, he admired her for that. He had never seen a woman in the likes of her; Graceful with a small touch of a fiery emotion.

"Relax Garrus. Let me deal with him," Shepard replied, before turning to Kevin. "Apologise now!"

"Alright, alright!" He yelped in resignation. He started his apology, "I'm sorry Garrus."

"Louder and make it more sincere than that!"

"I'm really sorry for punching you, Officer Vakarian!"

Shepard nodded in satisfaction, "Good enough."

Shepard and Garrus turned away from him and they were about to walked away when Kevin yelled out something to her.

"Hey bitch! I bet you're only hanging out with that turian cause you can't _keep_ a real human male!"

Garrus cringed when he saw her eyes brightened by her anger. Her face darkened as she glowered furiously. She gripped her hands at her side tightly before turning back and marching furiously towards Kevin. When she was close enough, she gave him a swift hard kick to the groin and watched him collapse to the ground. Shepard gave him a scornful look, as he continued to moan in pain.

"And you're a sad, desperate asshole who doesn't know what it feels like to kept _warm_ by a real woman at night."

Then Shepard turned towards Rita the waitress, and gave her a decent amount of credits.

"Keep the change, that's for a personal tip."

As they about to leave they saw Liara walked into Flux. She gave them a confused look, after she saw Kevin rolling on the ground in pain.

"What just happened? And why does Garrus looked pained?"

"Just dealing with a delinquent. You're done with ordering the supplies?" Shepard asked.

"Well, yes."

"Come on, let's get out of here."

After they left the bar, Doran ordered his bouncers to throw Kevin out. He protested to the volus bar owner.

"What the fuck? I just got assaulted by that mean butch and you're going to just throw me out?"

"News flash! That Earth-clan who you just pissed off a few minutes ago? That was Commander Shepard."

Kevin's face paled when he heard that name. "Are you serious? That chick was Commander Shepard?"

"Yep. Serves you right for sexually harassing an Earth-clan Spectre. Boys, throw this idiot out. I'm going to call C-Sec and ban him from this bar permanently."

* * *

"Ow... Spirits, the pain. I never thought that humans can pull punches like that," Garrus grumbled quietly to Liara, while holding a bag of ice onto his cheekbone.

They were standing idly behind Shepard, as they made their way back to the Normandy using the elevator. The trip was usually long and boring, so they tended to pass time by exchanging comments with each other. Sometimes, they had to keep their voices down, fearing that some of the topics they talked about might provoke the Commander into anger.

"I thought all humans are like that, judging from the way Shepard dealt with that krogan back at Therum" Liara remarked.

"That's Shepard for you, she's an exception. I've dealt with other human ruffians with physical violence before and I never had to deal with this pain."

"Then maybe he was letting out his anger, when he threw that blow."

"You have a good point. Me and that punk aren't on speaking terms to tell you the truth."

"And that is why you kicked him down there? Even if you do hate him, that's a bit far."

"Wait what? That wasn't me, it was the Commander!" Garrus protested. He continued, "He mentioned something about losing a guy and she lost it."

Liara gave out a pitiful look, "Then I can see why she would have done something like that. Losing the one that you love, is one of the most painful moments one can experience in life."

"You know that human saying, 'rubbing salt to the wound'? Not the smartest idea ever, especially if that person in the question is Shepard... Actually come to think of it, whoever dumped her before, wasn't that bright either."

"I'm standing right here! Didn't anyone tell the both of you to stay out of someone else's business?" Shepard growled.

Then the elevator stopped, reaching its destination. However, it didn't stop Shepard from scowling at them. Her eyes flared up again, as she glared angrily towards them. Garrus gritted his teeth and began to brace himself against her wrath; he knew that it was going to get ugly real fast.

"Liara, I know you wanted to understand more about me, but there are some things that are best to leave alone... and Garrus."

"Yes?" He asked.

"First of, his name is Xavier. Secondly, stop jumping into conclusions about other people. You have no idea what my boyfriend was like at the time, so you have no right to judge him!"

They both exchanged concerned looks, after Shepard turned her back away from them. As she was storming back to the ship, Garrus tried to catch up to her and apologise, but Liara pulled him back and shook her head gently.

"Leave her the way she needs to be."

"But why?"

"Shepard is… in a lot of pain at the moment. Didn't you see the sorrow she was trying to hold back?"

"Then I should be there for her right now, she needs to be comforted."

"No, you don't understand. Shepard needs some quiet time for herself."

Garrus then expressed his contempt, "Really? For all the things this Xavier guy does to her and she's still honouring him by reminiscing about him?"

"I think there's more to it than we would know. Whatever happened between them... I pity the both of them," Liara remarked.

Garrus wasn't entirely convinced that Shepard's former lover was the innocent party on the day they broke up. However, he even more felt sorry for her now. A good woman like her didn't deserve the misery that the galaxy threw at her. She deserved something better.

Still, even if he didn't like Xavier, Garrus was willing to put his disdain aside out of respect for Shepard. As he walked towards the entrance to the ship along with Liara, he activated his omni-tool and started counting the amount of credits from his account. He wanted to get Shepard a bottle of Mindoirian Whiskey, her favourite brand, when they reach Noveria. He didn't mind if he had to pay a premium price with his own cash, as long he could apologise and soften the fallout between them.


	10. Basic Desires

_7:45 pm Earth Standard Time: SR-2 Normandy._

Shepard usually enjoyed the quiet vigil inside of her private quarters, but tonight the stillness made her feel more unease than usual. As she was searching through her wardrobe, her mind was swimming with a mix thoughts about the uncertainty of the assignment. It had been a while since she had been afraid of something. She had skirted death many times throughout her life, to the point that her instinctive fears were heavily dampened. However, tonight changed all that, because this time she was fearful of herself.

A few hours ago, she did her homework for this assignment by investigating the local area with Samara, looking for clues about her daughter's whereabouts. As they went through the inventory from one of the victims' bedrooms, Samara started to reflect about the genetic condition that her daughter acquired and the dangers behind it.

" _Her scent evokes emotions long hidden. Her eyes promise you things you were always scared to ask of another..."_

Shepard rubbed her temples, trying to focus her search, but her mind started to question her own hidden emotions. It was bad enough that she was already suppressing them from herself, having a serial killer breaking into her thoughts made her feel unnerved, especially when the killer in the question had a strange genetic condition, where she would bring harm to someone within the heat of intimate passion. Shepard admitted that she was far from being prudish, since she had been with plenty of men during her early years in the Alliance military. However, those encounters were all based on a mutual friendship where agreements made about personal boundaries. While she felt quite comfortable about getting 'close' to her old comrades, having someone stepping beyond her personal barrier to her seemed all too sudden, especially an asari who would use that particular secret against her.

She felt her heart beating faster at the mere thought of exposing her emotional weakness to someone. Shepard started to reach towards her chest, trying to grasp her rose ring talisman for comfort. However, she then quickly realised that she didn't have it anymore. She already gave it to Garrus two years ago, when they were parting ways after the Battle of the Citadel. Shepard gave out a small chuckle at her sentimental feelings for him. At the time, while she was still wary with the turian race, she was starting grow fond of him, to the point she was more than happy to give her 'lucky charm' away just to keep him safe. Then she frowned a little when she remembered the sudden silence between them recently.

After Garrus' confrontation with Sidonis, he started to spend a lot of time in the Main Battery, only coming out occasionally to get something. Whenever Shepard tried to talk to him, he quietly murmured to her _"busy with the calibrations"_ _,_ before politely sending her away. She was unsure whether he was angry with her or not. Two years ago, despite the difficulty in reading turian expressions, Shepard managed to pick up subtle movements and emotions from him until he was an open book for her, while Garrus' straightforward outlook helped. Then the time he spent on Omega had changed him. He became more cynical and introverted to the point where Shepard no longer understood who he was While she could still see tiny glimpses of the old Garrus she used to know, nowadays they were like strangers, with Garrus keeping most of his feelings to himself. The heated debate between them during their search for Sidonis, was a case-in-point example how much space and distance had grown between them.

The holographic clock on her table announced the time, which shook her from her musing. She gave out a gentle sigh at her predicament, before she continued to rummage through her wardrobe until she found the outfit and the accessories she was looking for. It was the little black dress that Kasumi had brought for her once, to use as a disguise during their heist, another assignment that she'd had to help out her crew. She picked the dress up and glanced over with a wary look. This is the first assignment she was going to go into without a gun or a biotic amp.

Shepard rubbed the back of her skull, where the sockets of her implants were located. It felt strange not to have a biotic amp connected to her and she felt vulnerable without it, the biotic abilities were like a third arm for her.

Once she finished putting her dress and other accessories on, Shepard then slowly walked towards the giant fish tank and gingerly place her hand onto the glass plane. While she observed the fishes, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glass. To her dismay, she saw the colonist girl within her eyes. It has been a while since the child of Mindoir showed up in her reflection. She could feel the adrenaline rush into her body, as she knew why the child appeared before her.

She was warning her of the upcoming dangers for tonight, like a bad omen for the both of them. Not just any danger either, it one of those moments that will affect her for the rest of her life. Last time the kid showed up was during her final mission with the SSV Kapyong, which resulted her being reassigned to the Normandy, sealing her fate. Still whatever happened, she was going to carry on Samara's wishes, but this time she would be more vigilant than usual.

* * *

The aftermath of Sidonis' confrontation left Garrus with more questions than answers. As he continued to calculate the algorithm of the weapon system in the Main Battery, his mind began to ponder his confusion, this time about his personal feelings. Ever since he reluctantly admitted his love for Shepard, nothing had been the same. The nightmares he had been dealing with for the past couple of weeks were gone, but now instead of seeing his dead team-mates, he began to dream about her every night. While they were pleasant in the moment, as soon he woke up, the guilt settled in quickly. Especially on some nights when he saw her in his dreams, smiling pleasantly as she approached him, swaying her hips in a sensual manner. He quickly started to berate himself.

This was why he had been avoiding her for a while now. Whenever he looked upon her, he could feel his heart beating faster, as he could feel his own emotions started to pine over her. As much as he wanted her, he was forced to remind himself that she was a human. There was no way that Shepard would accept this. If a human male couldn't get near her, then how on Palaven could he get closer? He remembered two years ago, Shepard had to gently turn Kaidan down, after he was discussing his interest with her. He knew that Kaidan was a good man. Garrus was hoping that Shepard might warm up to Kaidan, since it might give her some peace. Instead, she turned him away gently, citing that she no longer had any desire when it came to romance.

Besides, Shepard was the only friend he had left in this screwed up galaxy. He didn't want to cause unwanted tension, or worse a schism between them, due to his own selfish desires. While he could feel the painful ache in his chest as he suppressed his yearning, he was willing to bear it, as long he could continue to stand at her side as long as he could.

Garrus started to feel dizzy and bothered, after he reflected on his feelings further than he wanted. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and quickly walked out of the Main Battery. He needed a cold shower, just to wake himself up to reality.

He was about to reach towards the bathroom door when all of a sudden, he bumped into something out of nowhere. He felt startled from running into an invisible object, it didn't help that the obstacle yelped and quickly materialised in front of him. It took Garrus a few seconds to recognise that the obstruction he bumped into was Kasumi, shrouding herself with a cloaking device. Garrus crossed his arms and gave her a suspicious look.

"Kasumi, why are you cloaking on the Normandy? I hope you're not stealing anything."

"No, no. Just hiding from a guy named Burt. This security guy on this ship, who seems to... enjoy staring at me."

"Who wouldn't, if you're known to be the best thief in the galaxy?"

"It's not like that!" Kasumi protested. She continued, "It's just that normally people would look at my eyes or hands, but Burt seems to look at... you get the picture."

"Is that so?"

"No need to get jumpy, Garrus. If you're worried about your personal logbook, fear not. It's still safe and secured as we speak."

Garrus gave Kasumi a startled look, "You what? How in the spirits' name did you find out that I've kept a logbook? Did you just hack into my terminal?"

"No, I been helping fixing up the issues inside weaponry system," Kasumi gave him a cheeky grin. She continued, "I noticed an error in your calibrations, so I decided to fix it up for you and that's when I saw your logbook left open..."

He then placed his hand onto his forehead and gave out a tiny embarrassed groan. If that human saying 'something hits the ceiling fan' described something, this would be a perfect situation. Most of the recent entries in his logbook were musings about his affections for Shepard. If Kasumi did see those entries, then...

"I think you should go for her," Kasumi added.

"Wait, what?" Garrus asked while giving her a bewildered look.

"You know, ask her out, take her to somewhere romantic..."

"Now, just hold on a minute Kasumi! Have you realised that we're not that compatible?"

"Sure you are. Both of you enjoy sniping mercs on ledges, beating up people for the right cause, throwing snide comments at every single opportunity..."

"But I'm a turian and she's human," Garrus quickly countered.

Kasumi shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing wrong with that. I saw one asari and hanar couple before, so what's wrong with a turian dating a human?"

"Everything! A mere scratch from my claw could have landed her in the emergency room, there's no way we could be together romantically, since our bodies work... differently. And I haven't even started about the political and social tension between humanity and us turians."

"Have you forgotten that we're on a suicide mission?"

"No I haven't... look, this is why we shouldn't talk about this out in the open. Especially when the mission is at stake."

"Emphasis on the word 'suicide', Garrus," Kasumi replied as she waved around the air quotation gestures briefly. She relaxed her hand and continued, "Since we're all going to be kicking the bucket soon, you might as well make the most of it. If you want I could help, like giving you suggestions on how to sway her into your arms..."

"Do you really need to say that out loud? What if Shepard is around nearby?"

"Don't worry, she's already out on an assignment at the moment."

Then Garrus' eyes began to dull, as his face plate shifted into a frown. While they were not on speaking terms for a while, Shepard always stopped by at the Main Battery and notified him first, whenever she was going ashore to do her assignments. However, tonight she didn't bother to tell him that she was leaving, which made him feel both troubled and depressed.

"Something wrong?" Kasumi asked.

"Shepard left the ship, without telling me first... Is she mad at me?"

"No, what makes you think she's mad?"

"Because I pissed her off? I don't know, we haven't been talking since we left the Citadel. Even then, she always told me first when she was about to go planetside without... until now."

Kasumi tapped him lightly on the back to comfort him, "I don't think that's the case. Maybe she forgot to tell you first or something."

"But she doesn't forget things... like this," Garrus mumbled while looking down dejected.

"It will be fine, don't worry. As soon she comes back to the ship, both you and Shepard will have a nice cheerful chat."

"Well, maybe you're right. I hope so."

* * *

 _8:30 pm Earth Standard Time: The Afterlife VIP section, Omega._

Shepard made a slight twitch with her nose as soon she stepped into the VIP venue. She was expecting that the VIP section would be more refined than the regular venue. Instead, it was almost identical to the basement level, except the area is well lit and the stench of questionable bodily fluids were stronger. She should have expected this place, this is not Illium. Refinery and elegance don't exist on Omega. She felt out of place wearing her designer dress, especially in a club like this, but she wasn't going to worry about appearances for now. There was still the asari to be dealt with. Shepard began to search around the venue.

No luck. Despite the bright flashing florescent lights that penetrated most of the area, she couldn't find her. Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. The loud club music didn't help to ease the tension, as she could feel her head spinning. She needed a drink.

While she was heading towards the bar, somewhere within the density of the bass, she could hear a girl snarling loudly. Shepard turned at the direction of the source and saw an asari dancer, trying to shrug off a turian patron, who seemed to be very persistent about spending the night with her. She decided to approach them, starting to show some concern for the dancer. As she was getting closer, she could hear the heated dispute clearer.

"Don't be like that, I've got creds. We could go back to my place. I got simple taste," the turian replied in a suggestive tone.

In a fit of outrage, the dancer yelled. "Back off, asshole! I'm a dancer, not a hooker!"

There was low intimidating snarl coming from him, as his eyes brightened as if by some sort of heated catalyst. The turian bared his teeth and marched closer to her aggressively. The dancer held both of hands up, getting ready to shield herself, as she was expecting him to strike a blow on her. However, instead the turian grinned menacingly at her, seeming to be impressed by her stubborn zest.

"You got a mouth on you... I'm going to enjoy watching you using it."

Shepard was watching the scene at a distance the whole time, her eyes narrowed as she glared angrily at the offending turian. She cleared her throat and decided to step in, threatening him in a low icy voice.

"The lady is asking you to step away."

The turian quickly turned, facing towards Shepard. At first his face was twisted with anger, but after he finished studying her, the tension on his facial features loosened as he started to leer at her. If her interpretation of turian expression and body language was correct, that deviant was showing his lust for her, much to Shepard's surprise and disgust . She gripped her fist tightly.

"You want in on this transaction?" the turian asked as he approach her slowly. He continued, "I don't care if it's you or this bitch. I just want good times."

Before he got the chance to touch her inappropriately, Shepard quickly swiped his hand away and elbowed him in the chest. The turian growled at her, before attempting to reach over her, trying to assert his dominance over her. However, he was no match for her swift flexibility as she quickly dodged his grasp, punched him in the kidney, before throwing him to the other side of the room. While he was grovelling in pain, Shepard gently brushed her hands together and gave him a victorious smirk.

"Good times are over!" Shepard yelled over the loud music.

The dancer approached her, "Thanks. Security was asleep."

Then she lightly tapped Shepard on her backside and winked, before leaving the venue.

Shepard made a small embarrassed chuckle to herself, while pulling her hair back. After all of this fighting, she really needed a good drink, a drink with an abrasive element to it. She was about to continue to head towards the bar, when another asari approached her. She began to observe the asari, there was something about her that stood out from the rest of the crowd. Her piercing ice blue eyes reminded Shepard of someone...

"Hi, my name is Morinth. So what's your name?"

Morinth. The hair strands on the back of her neck stood stiff as soon she heard that familiar name. That was the name of Samara's daughter, the asari she was looking for. She was about to quickly introduce herself when she remembered Samara's warning. Morinth was a devious but paranoid person, who could quickly figure out the deception, as soon she noticed the act. Hence she had to remind herself to act smooth and keep her cool.

"Some of my friends called me Sandra, but most people call me a bitch. I tend to attract trouble without lifting a finger," Shepard lied.

"Like that turian you dealt with before?"

"Well yeah. You could say that."

Morinth gave out a small chuckle, "I've been watching you for a while now. You're the most interesting person in this place. Why don't you come and sit with me at my table, instead?"

Shepard nodded and followed her back to the table.

* * *

 _9:56 pm Earth Standard Time, SR-2 Normandy._

Garrus paced around inside the elevator nervously, waiting to reach its destination. He knew Shepard was a strong woman, who could handle herself in most situations without his assistance. However, for some reason he couldn't get rid of that strange nagging feeling. The more he thought about Shepard's lack of warning, the more he saw something that was not quite right. The last time he saw her, when he was sharing the elevator with her a few hours ago. At the time, he was bringing a few weaponry mods to the armoury room, while she was heading towards her own private quarters. As he was stealing awkward glances at her, he noticed that she seemed more anxious than usual. She was holding her hands behind her back, biting her bottom lip while looking away from him

It troubled him. She wasn't the type who liked to keep quiet about the state of the mission, especially to her crew. And more so for him, since she used to confide in him about her personal opinions, even sensitive ones that could affect the morality of the crew until recently. Garrus wondered if the silent treatment was a retaliation for pushing her away from him? He shook his head, Shepard was thuggish at times but not petty. She wouldn't pull a stunt on him like that, just because he refused to talk to her. Still, he started to wish that he could come along with her, instead of hiding inside the Main Battery like a coward. He tried to reassure himself that Samara was with her, watching her back. While Garrus saw her skills as a biotic first hand back on Illium, where they were powerful enough that he wouldn't want to mess with her on a bad day, he was still worried about Shepard.

He was making a prayer to the Spirits, appealing to them to help Samara to keep her safe, when the door opened in front him. He reach the CIC level, where the armoury was located. When he stepped out of the elevator, Kelly quickly approached him. Garrus gritted his teeth, since he had run out of creative excuses to brush her off gently. He was expecting her to ask him for a quick chat session, but instead she started to question him with a concerned look.

"Garrus, I know you're worried about Shepard, but please, be assured that she's in good hands..."

"Right, because turian talons ain't good enough to protect her."

Kelly started to stutter, but Garrus gave her a tiny sardonic smile, "Relax, I'm only messing around a little. No need to get worked up."

"Oh... I see. I thought you were going to... never mind. I should get back to my work."

He raised his plated eyebrow, while he gave her a sceptical look. He noticed her reaction was abnormal, especially if it had to do with Shepard's current assignment. Garrus was about to pursue this matter further, but Kelly quickly grabbed her portable terminal and rushed towards the elevator, closing the door behind him. He shook his head and continued to make his way towards the armoury room.

Then the door to the Armoury Room opened in front of him. He saw Jacob who was pre-occupied with his task, cataloguing the weaponry inventory. As Garrus was approaching towards one of the surface counters where the sniper rifles were laid in an orderly manner, Jacob quickly turned towards him with a puzzled look on his face.

"Garrus, what are you doing here? I thought you were busy fixing the ship's cannon."

"I'm done for now. I'm kind of feeling tired from looking at the screen all day, so I wanted to do some modding on my gun, as a change of pace." Garrus replied.

"Fair enough. I hope those mods that you've brought in actually blows up someone else's face, not ours."

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing when it comes to rifles."

Garrus cracked his knuckles and was about to pick up his own gun, when he saw a familiar sniper rifle that was laid next to his. He picked it up and took a closer look, then all of a sudden, the dread crept into his mind when he realised it belonged to Shepard.

It was her favourite rifle and she always refused to part with the weapon, whenever she was on a mission. Garrus checked the gun carefully, hoping he was mistaken. Unfortunately, he wasn't. The same knife scratching she added to differentiate her weapon from the others and the recent mods he secretly added on as a surprise; all pointed out to him clearly that this was her rifle. He started to check with the rest of the inventory, hoping she just made a switch, or at least she brought some back up. However, after thoroughly looking through the list, there was no indication that she took any of the weapons from the armoury.

And she was on an assignment.

Garrus shook his head. This was absurd. Shepard knew better than to walk out of the ship unarmed, especially when dealing with assignments. He knew that she always kept some sort of weapon nearby her, even on diplomatic visits. Speaking of missions, he was pretty sure the mission that Shepard is currently dealing with was not a nice diplomatic discussion, judging by the way most of the crew seemed hushed up about it. Especially with him.

There was something not quite right about this mission. The whole crew looking nervous. The silent barrier that barred him from getting more answers about her whereabouts and the lack of guns at her side.

This was all his fault. He should have stayed at her side and watched over her properly. Two years ago, he didn't stay at her side, which resulted her untimely death and now he was about to repeat the same mistake again. Except this time, it was not too late for him to rectify that. He quickly equipped his guns, grabbed her sniper rifle and rushed out of the armoury room; ignoring Jacob calling him out for taking the equipment without anyone's consent.

Orders be damned. Especially when Shepard's life was in grave danger.

* * *

 _10:25 pm Earth Standard Time: Morinth's apartment._

"See that blade over there? I used to be into duelling for a while. Imagine the look in your opponent's eyes, as you're about to win and he knows it." Morinth elegantly grinned, as she showed her sword to Shepard.

While Morinth turned her back, Shepard made a quick suspicious glance at her, before observing the blade closely. From the look of the designs, it was made by an asari artisan sword maker, with the elaborate pattens and the light delicate feel to its weight. She lightly touched the blade and almost yelped quietly when she accidentally made a minor cut to her thumb. It was sharper than she expected, which reminded her about the dangers of underestimating the whole asari race. They had a deadly streak beneath their pacifist appearance.

Morinth sat at her couch and started to beckon her over. Shepard sat gingerly next to her, keeping her combative alertness intact.

"I love clubs. People, movement, heat. I can still hear the bass, like the drums of a great hunt, out for your blood." Morinth mused.

For a serial killer who seemed to lack empathy, she was quite poetic, in a morbid kind of way. Shepard began to understand why her former 'lovers' were easily swayed into Morinth's manipulation. Shepard continued to listen to her, keeping cautious instinct in check.

Morinth continued, "But here, it's muted.. and you're safe. Is that what you want?"

"People feel safest when they die," Shepard replied.

"It's true, we're never safe. I've never understood the fascination with safety. Some of us choose differently."

And Shepard never ever understood people who liked to run into harm's way, like her. She only did it because it was her duty to keep other people safe. Morinth, on the other hand, seemed to have a deep fascination with death, to the point that it became a strange fetish to her.

Then Morinth got off her seat and started to approach Shepard slowly. "We share independence over submission, you and I."

Shepard could feel her muscles tense as Morinth placed herself on Shepard's lap. She gritted her teeth while the asari softly stoked her cheeks, before lifting her chin up to meet Morinth's eyes.

"We both killed many times... but that's where the similarities end," Shepard countered, while maintaining her usual stoic calmness.

Morinth gave her a suspicious look, "What do you know? Let's stop playing games."

Shepard was about to cast a stasis effect on her, when she realised her biotic energy seem to been weaken, due to the lack of biotic amps connected to her. Then to her horror, Morinth began to smile sinisterly at her. The warmth within Shepard's amber eyes were penetrated by the asari's unflinching icy gaze. Morinth started to intertwine her arms around Shepard's body, her eyes became dark as a black void and she started to whisper seductively to Shepard.

"Look into my eyes..."

* * *

 _Shepard wrapped her arms around herself tightly. She was shivering from the strange cold air, while shielding her body that was now stripped and exposed. She looked around, trying to figure out how to break herself from Morinth's spell. However, the surroundings around her were pitch black, like her current state of mind. Blind, cold, naked and vulnerable. Her worst nightmare._

 _As she tried to tell herself to remain calm, to her despair, she felt someone reaching out towards her. Their touch wasn't exactly soothing, as she could feel the rough abrasive texture of their skin that were rubbing against her. She tried to fight it off its grasp violently, with her biotics, fists, teeth and anything. However, her efforts were in vain, as the strange figure managed to overpower her. She closed her eyes and braced herself as she was expecting the worst._

 _Then with an unexpected twist, the mysterious figure started to caress her gently in its arm, tenderly stroking her hair, while shielding her from harsh cold air with its warmth. It felt strange to her that the figure's embrace was soothing and safe, to the point she couldn't feel the adrenaline rush in her body. She looked up, trying to identify it. To her shock, the enigmatic stranger turns out to be someone she knew well and least expected to meet at this moment._

 _She was about to tell him to let go of her, while protesting how inappropriate it was for the both of them. However, she couldn't bring herself to do it after she looked into his eyes. She could see a mixture of sadness and longing as he looked upon her. He nuzzled at her forehead affectionately, while pulling her closer to him. At first, her body began to stiffen instinctively as she felt nervous about sharing the intimacy between them. Then her own desires began to override her, she pressed her head against his chest and smiled gently._

 _What was the point of fighting for survival, if she could not find a reason to fight for? Interspecies fears and public image could all go straight to hell. She wanted to fight for the both of them and to be at his side till the end._

 _Shepard reached out to touch his scarred face and with a deep yearning, she whispered, "Garrus..."_

* * *

The muddled dark haze was lifted from her perception as the surroundings became clearer once more. She twitched an eyebrow and watched as Morinth tried to hypnotise her. The eyes were still black from her attempt to embrace Shepard 'eternally'.

"... tell me you want me. Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."

Shepard rolled her eyes and retorted, "Don't count on it."

"But you... who are you?" Morinth shuttered as she glared at Shepard. She continued, "Oh no... I see what's going on. The bitch herself found a little helper."

Before Morinth got the chance to harm Shepard, Samara quickly strode into the apartment, her body shrouded with dark matter particles. She lifted Morinth up from the couch with her biotics, before pinning her to the window.

As the mother and the daughter started to engage in a heated fight, Shepard held her right fist tightly. She took a deep breath. This was going to get ugly.

* * *

 _11:15 pm Earth Standard Time: SR-2 Normandy._

"Relax, take a deep breath and put those guns away." Kelly tried to reassure Garrus with a gentle tone.

"No," he countered.

The whole crew were gathering around him at the bridge area, as they blocked him off from the exit doorway of the ship, much to his displeasure. It had been over two hours, Shepard hadn't returned yet and the whole crew had the nerve to sit back and not worrying about her wellbeing. Garrus gave all of them a death glare.

"Officer Vakarian, if you're not going fall back in line, I will use the necessary force to make you... and you don't want me to do that." Miranda threatened him in her usual icy tone.

"I want you to try, Ms. Lawson." Garrus replied with a snide remark.

He gently sheathed Shepard's rifle on his back, before he started to crack his knuckles. Miranda gave him an absurd look, as she started to stand in a defensive position, the biotic effects began to flow around her body. Most of the crew were seem to be apprehensive with the situation, only Jack and Grunt were enjoying the events are unfolding in front of them, especially Jack who seemed to have an 'issue' with her.

However, the fight ended as quickly as it they began, when they heard a familiar authoritative tone yelling over the crowd.

"Everyone, stand down!"

The crew quickly stepped aside, as Shepard was walking through the entrance with Samara walking beside her. Garrus' eyes were widened when he looked at her.

He had heard a few accounts from the crew, when they remarked about seeing her in a dress. However, he would never have imagined in his life-time he would see her wearing one, until now. Despite the lack of physical attraction to humans, he admitted the Shepard looked beautiful in that dress, enhancing all her delicate features. He began to see why so many male humans were attracted to her in the first place.

However, his admiration came to a sudden end when he remembered the current situation he got himself into. Shepard closed her eyes and bowed her head down, before pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

"Kelly, would you take Samara back to the Observation room? She's been through enough. Everyone, get back to your stations, show's over. And Garrus..."

"Uh... Yes Commander?" Garrus replied.

"Come with me to my office. We need to discuss about your insubordination."

"But..."

"Now! Not the next morning or 5 minutes later. We need to talk right now," Shepard ordered in a louder tone.

Garrus then reluctantly followed behind her, while Shepard quickly walked towards the elevator, her hands are curling into a tight fist.

Something was bound to hit the ceiling fan tonight.


	11. Rainfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: Sorry for another delay with this chapter, no thanks to Uni and writers block. There might be a good chance that I'll be only releasing one chapter per month from now on due to the demands from Uni. So once again, apologies._

_Enough is enough._

For a while she had to endure the silence that grew between them, lost within the uncertainty, when Garrus became unresponsive to her in the aftermath. While she was worried about his reaction, she decided to leave him alone out of respect, while hoping he would come around later on. Instead, he had crossed that certain line that she had never dared to imagine.

"Why did you disobey my orders?" Shepard questioned him.

Garrus crossed his arms. "As I said before, you didn't bring your gun along... I was worried about your safety."

"You think you're the only one was worried about me? Ask Miranda, her whole objective is to protect me from any sort of dangers during this mission. She didn't rush out blindly, like you did."

"Lawson was only worried about you because you're playing a bigger part in their goals. I'm worried about you because you're my commanding officer. I had to..."

"Bullshit!" Shepard yelled before continuing. "If this was part of the turian doctrine, you would have stayed put in the ship, as I ordered everyone else..."

"And deal with someone while you're not at your strongest point? I don't think so." Garrus countered.

"It was part of the mission. A delicate situation at that. I had to go in unarmed to bait her."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before you left?"

"And then what? You're going to rush in and screw up this mission just for my own sake?"

There was uncomfortable pause as they continued to glare at each other. She crossed her arms, her eyebrows furrowed, expressing her distaste in this matter. While she didn't like his actions, he had a point.

Shepard cleared her throat, "You're right. I should have told you but... you're acting a bit unreasonable lately as well."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, you're the one who's being uncommunicative. I wasn't exactly sure if some cat got your tongue or you're naturally just mad at me."

"Angry? Why would I be angry at you?" Garrus asked.

"Sidonis."

She watched as Garrus averted his eyes from her. While she felt bad mentioning Sidonis' name in front of him, Shepard had to test the waters, to see how he reacted. So far, Garrus seemed to be more calm about it, a slight relief for her. However, she wasn't going to rule out this reason, since she noticed the growing silence between them had started after that last confrontation.

As she was figuring out the proper words, she heard Garrus replying to her. "No. It's not Sidonis."

"Then what's the matter. Why all this secrecy between us?" Shepard asked.

She watched as Garrus' face plate shifted to convey his nervousness. Shepard noticed the subtle eye movements, as he was trying to find a way to escape from the room. She had made it this far, there was no way she was going to let him crawl back into the hole that he'd been digging for himself. She had already fulfilled his personal request, so now it was her turn to ask something from him. She took a step closer while focusing on him.

"Talk to me! Tell me what's wrong!" Shepard demanded.

Garrus started to stutter, "I'm... I'm worried... afraid that I'm going to make that same mistake again."

"What mistake?"

As he lifted his head upwards and looked at her, she felt her heart clenching inside of her. When Shepard gazed into his sights, she could still see the same sad yearning within his deep blue eyes, the ones from her vivid dream. At first, she thought that her mind was muddled from her confrontation with Morinth, but then her vision was clear enough to watch him struggling to hide those emotions in front of her.

Garrus took a deep breath, "For letting you go. I... I should have stayed at your side. Your death... Cerberus... none of this would have happened if I did. Instead, I turned away and let you die on that day."

There was a moment of silence between them as Garrus looked down to the floor awkwardly. Shepard bit her lip, gripping her hands tightly to her side, trying to hold herself. She couldn't let her feelings spilt out in the open, especially not at this time. She then tried to comfort him with a gentler tone.

"Garrus... it's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" Garrus protested. He continued, "A good turian would always protect a superior officer, no matter what happens! Instead, I..."

"I don't want a good turian! I only want Garrus! The old Garrus that I've remembered before." Shepard yelled as she interrupted him.

Shepard then felt shaken by her sudden emotional outburst, but then she realised she couldn't maintain her calmness any longer. Not when their friendship was at stake.

"When I first met you on Omega, I noticed you've changed. To the point that I couldn't recognise you. We haven't spoken much and even less since we left the Citadel. "

"It's complicated... Things began to change during our time on the old Normandy. Everything was different for me since then."

"What do you mean, different?"

"You're more than just my Commanding Officer. You're my friend. A good friend. Because of that... I had to leave." Garrus replied.

"So... you didn't just leave the crew two years ago because of C-Sec?" Shepard asked.

"No, it's more than that. I had to go... because of you, Shepard. I was... confused. I wanted to find a bit of time for myself to think things through."

"It's just like before, after we dealt with Sidonis back on the Citadel."

Garrus nodded at her slowly, "I suppose you can call that ironic, but the point is that I've failed my duties as your solder. I've should have stayed at your side... maybe I could have saved you from the Collectors at the time."

Shepard then gently lifted his chin upwards and locked her sight into his eyes.

"You haven't failed. No one saw it coming when it happened. I certainly didn't. Even if you were there, I'd probably still have died. Worse than that, you might have died as well if you'd have stayed with me."

"Shepard, I..."

"It's alright... we all made mistakes. I don't know what to say about this, I'd call it human nature but..."

"Even if it's a slight mistake... It's still not right, especially for a turian. You know that everyone in my own race frowns upon such things."

Then Shepard patted him gently on his shoulder. "Then maybe you should stop frowning and start forgiving yourself."

"Even after all this?" Garrus asked.

"Of course. I think I can see where are you coming from. I'm not going to pursue this matter further, you can leave now."

She watched as Garrus expressed his relief, as the tension on his face plate relaxed, but at the same time, he was still holding his hands together nervously. While she could see the same dullness in his eyes due to his sadness, at least they brightened a little after she gave him a bit of peace. After he gave her a courteous nod, Garrus was about to walk out when Shepard called him.

"Garrus, can you do me a favour?" Shepard asked.

"I'm listening."

"Can we... talk a bit more from now on?"

"I'll try, but I don't have interesting topics to talk about, though."

"Well, we could try to find something to talk about. Besides, I don't mind anything as long we can keep talking."

"Alright then. We'll see how it goes," Garrus replied.

After he departed from her room, she leaned herself onto the edge of her desk for support. Her whole head was spinning as she began to reflect about their last conversation.

While she had managed to break the silence that plagued them for so long, Garrus' hidden confessions troubled her. He didn't specify, but the way his eyes glimmered when he looked at her and how he held his mandibles tightly. All conveying his hidden feelings for her. After seeing those emotions he was trying to hide from her, she wasn't sure what to do with it, nor she was really sure how she felt about it. She wondered if Garrus had thought about her the whole time. At the time, she didn't she had the courage to open it up to him, due to one thing that held her back.

She was afraid of his reaction if he knew about it. At best, he would have felt uncomfortable about it and at worst, he would express his disgust towards her; the strained diplomatic relations between their own races didn't help them one bit. While he was a turian, he was her friend too. And a good friend that she didn't want to lose. From the times they worked together to take down Saren, he was always there for her when she needed him; whether to watch her back as they took down down a horde of geth or a thoughtful ear to listen-in whenever she need to vent her frustrations. As she recalled from her memory, he was the only person in the recent times who she would willingly open herself up to.

Shepard glanced back at the picture on her desk. The images of her childhood seemed like a distant memories to her now. She could still remember that day vividly, the gentle warmth in his arms and the childish joy she felt at the time. All those moments were gone now. The familiarity, safety and innocence; she would never be able to bring those back, even if she was a Spectre. Then she remembered the suicide mission.

She reached out for intercom. Her days were coming to an end soon. With the suicide mission looming over her shoulders, she had to deal with this before her death.

* * *

It was the morning cycle on the Normandy. Garrus continued to work on his task, but he couldn't focus on it. Even his daily task couldn't give him a tiny bit of solace, like it usually would on most days. After he revealed his emotions last night to Shepard, he couldn't shake off that fearful tension from his mind. He had already alienated from his family, his old friends and co-workers from C-Sec before. Although Shepard had forgiven him for his insubordination, he was even more troubled about losing her, due to his actions in the future.

He was snapped back to reality when he heard the door behind him slide open. Garrus quickly minimised the logbook on his screen and gritted his teeth nervously, as he was preparing himself to greet the visitor. However, it was Tali, not Shepard.

Garrus sighed in relief. He was afraid that Shepard would come to check on him, since that schism hadn't eroded between them. Still, he wasn't in the mood to have a conversation at that moment.

"Tali, what are you doing here? I thought you were busy with the configurations down in the Engineering section." Garrus asked.

"I've finished most of the work for the day, I've left Gabby and Ken to clean up the rest just to check up you." Tali replied.

"Well, I'm fine. Thanks for asking... I'm a little busy here, so you might want to talk another time."

He was hoping that his excuse would get her to leave him alone, but instead she continue on with a concerned tone, "You're sure? You look terrible today."

"It's only a headache. I'll be fine once I'll check in with Mordin and Dr. Chakwas."

"Don't lie. I know it's about Shepard. I saw that look on your face when you walked out of her quarters last night."

"I know, I've been chewed out by her. Who wouldn't be upset about getting called out?"

"But you seem more distressed than usual. What's up with that?"

Garrus turned his back towards her and attempted to work on his task. Even after two years had passed, Tali was still curious as ever, to the point of being 'nosey' in human terms. It didn't matter how nice she seemed, if there was one about her that annoyed him, it was the way Tali got into other people's business, especially with his own.

Then all of a sudden, Tali questioned him. "You have feelings for her, don't you?"

"Wonderful. Have you been tuning in lately? If so, why don't you try hack into Miranda's terminal, instead of listening to nonsense like this."

"Garrus, stop sidetracking and answer my question."

"I'm a turian and she's a human. What do you think?" Garrus grumbled.

"I'll take that as a yes," Tali replied before summoning her combat drone out into the open.

"Sh-Shit! What the hell are you doing Tali?" Garrus yelled.

"Calling out Chikktika vas Paus to help out with your problem."

"Wait, we can discuss this..."

"We're not going to discuss any further, Garrus. Now stop being a bosh'tet, get out there and talk to her, before I order Chikktika to fry you a new scar!"

Then out of nowhere, Kelly appeared at the doorway to the main battery. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, no! Nothing at all. I'm just showing Garrus... my new mods on my combat drone," Tali stammered.

"I guess it's ok as long you didn't break anything on the ship." Kelly replied before turning to Garrus, "We need to talk."

"You too, Kelly?" Garrus moaned.

"I just wanted to pass-on the message from Shepard that she just left the ship. She said that she wanted to deal with a personal matter."

Garrus frowned, "So she left the ship without telling me at all. Again."

"Well, we're just arrived on Mindoir... you probably know why she wanted to be alone this time."

"Oh... I see. Well, thanks for passing the message... I suppose."

"That's not the only reason why I'm here." Kelly then handed him over something. It was some sort of stick with a flimsy cloth, with some waterproofing material embedded in the cloth.

"Wait, why are you giving me an... umbrella? If that's the right word to describe it in human terms."

"It's going to rain today and I noticed that Shepard didn't pick up the warning, from the way she was dressed."

"And get on her bad side again? No thanks."

"Would it help if I said that it was an order from Miranda?" Kelly countered.

Garrus gave out a resigned sigh. "Fine. I'll go and find Shepard immediately, if that's what it takes to get Miranda off my back."

"That's good to hear. I wouldn't like to see you getting chewed out by Miranda for letting Shepard walk back with a cold." Kelly remarked.

"Well, I'd better let you get back to your task," Tali replied. As she was about to away from him, Tali whispered quietly to Garrus.

"Good luck."

* * *

The crisp cool wind lightly blew against Garrus' head fringe. The red dried leaves were flying in the breeze, indicating winter was coming to Mindoir. The atmosphere on this world seemed a little different to Palaven. The air was colder and more sharp, compared to the usual warmth and the humidity that he grew up with back at home. Despite his thick protective hide and plating, he could still feel the coldness piercing right into his bones, to his dismay. As always, he couldn't stand it and wondered how humans could cope with such discomfort, with only flimsy human clothing to protect them. The chill from the wind didn't help him much, since he was walking through the graveyard, searching for Shepard.

While he reminded himself that this memorial park was supposed to be a resting place for the dead, he still felt wrong intruding in their grounds. Maybe because he was a turian, the people on Mindoir gave him suspicious looks while he was making his way through here. Or maybe because he didn't like the idea of dealing with the dead spirits buried beneath him.

Then he felt the first raindrops. They felt cold, almost icy. Normally he would welcome the rain if he was on Palaven, but the cold rain on Mindoir felt discomforting to him, as it slowly sapping the warmth from him. He then started to fumble with the umbrella, trying to open it up without accidentally snapping it in half. After a while, Garrus finally found a small release button and pushed it. Unfortunately, he also heard a sharp tearing sound, as his talons accidentally got caught within the flimsy fabric while opening. He looked up, there was a large hole above him.

He sighed and he was about to continue his search, when suddenly the rainfall seemed to stop. Garrus looked around and found himself being shielded by a biotic bubble field. There was a small tap on his shoulder, which made him jump.

It was Shepard. He rarely saw her outside of her hardsuit these days, whenever she left the ship. Today, it was different. It felt strange when he saw her in her civilian clothing: he would almost mistaken her for a normal colonist, if it wasn't for some of her features that were recognisable. Her right hand glowed brightly as she was maintained the field. The faint violet light gently bounced on his hide. She was holding a bouquet of flowers in her free hand.

"Shepard, how did you find me?" Garrus asked.

"I have eyes in the back of my head."

"Right... Last time I checked with the extranet, humans have two eyes. Unless I missed something about human biology."

Shepard laughed sardonically, before she replied. "It's a human metaphor. You know, about not being able to hide everything."

"I get it. Still, how did you know that I was searching for you?"

"Well, I heard the locals talking about some turian asking directions. I've figured it was you. So tell me, why did you find me?"

Garrus stuttered, "I heard it's going to rain today. I thought that you might need this but..."

Before he could hide the umbrella, Shepard quickly snatched it from him and studied it. Then she gave him a bemused look.

"How did that hole get there?"

"Well..." Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. He continued, "There was a slight accident."

"Slight?" Shepard remarked while pointing at the size to him. It was big enough to fit a normal human size head through it.

"Well... for a turian. My talons got tangled with it while opening it."

"It's alright. I appreciate the thought, Garrus. You don't have to apologise."

He was about to say something, when Shepard quickly gave him the flowers, before wiping all the water droplets on his face with her sleeve. He shifted his eyes away from her, his whole body instinctively felt tense, due to his nervousness.

"Are you alright? You seemed to be a bit concerned." Shepard asked.

"No, no! I'm fine. It's just the weather. You know how I feel about the cold, right?"

Shepard made a soft chuckle as she continued dry his face. The warm feathery touch felt comforting for him, especially at this moment when the rain continued to hammer harshly at them. Strangely enough, he felt secure underneath Shepard's biotic field.

When she finished, Shepard asked him, "There's someone that I would like you to meet, if that's alright with you?"

"Fine by me."

They walked together underneath the biotic shield, through the endless waves of gravestones that were scattered throughout the grassy area. It took them a while before they came across a particular gravestone that Shepard recognised. After she took the bouquet from him, he examined the writings on the stone, while she laid the flowers down. He noticed a familiar name.

 _Xavier Merrett._

"This is..."

"Yes. He's... my old flame," Shepard replied.

Garrus stuttered, "Wait... why didn't you tell me this before? Especially about the 'leaving' part."

"Why are you so concerned all of a sudden?"

"Well... at the time, I thought he 'left' you for something 'better'. I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to speak ill about him, especially if he's with the dead..."

"It's alright. You didn't know at the time. Besides, it's a habit of mine to keep personal things under wraps. I don't like to talk about it that often."

Shepard got up from the ground and looked at Garrus. There was a slight hint of sorrow and guilt in her eyes, as it began to dull again. Two years ago, he heard the Consort giving Shepard some advice in her personal chamber on the Citadel, while commenting about seeing the 'sadness behind her eyes that made her want to weep'. He scoffed and dismissed it as some asari trivial prophesy musing. However, he had began to see the Consort's point during the time he spent with Shepard.

And now, she had started to shred the barrier between them. As that human saying goes, 'letting her hair down'.

"Xavier once told me that he wanted to join the Alliance Military as soon he turned eighteen," Shepard murmured.

"Eighteen? That's a little old to join boot camp."

"In human standards, that's still young although it's the starting point of adulthood. Unlike turian society, you're still considered a child at the age of fifteen. No boot camp for you if you're under the legal age."

Garrus made a small chuckle, "Well, he must have been very eager to sign up at the time."

There was a slight pause between them, as Shepard looked back at the gravestone. A boy that wanted to join the Alliance? Wasn't that a coincidence?

"Even now, I still don't get it, why he wanted to be some sort of galactic hero." Shepard remarked.

"Does our current mission put you off a little?"

"Not as much as before. When I was a kid, I was worried that Xavier would run off with some exotic asari girl, while I was busy doing the chores in some farmstead. You know, the vids that portray Spectres and agents."

"Well, I didn't see you approaching an asari. You even turned down Liara's proposal one time. Guess the vids were wrong."

"Yeah, well... I have a preference for men, Garrus."

"Still, it doesn't changed the fact he would be a good man... if he got the chance to grow up."

"You're right... he was a good sort. He always tried to reassure me that he would never leave my side, that he'd always be there for me till the end... and he was."

Garrus quickly held both of her arms: she was losing her composure as she was about to collapse. However, then she remembered her surroundings. Shepard quickly straightened herself and tried to retain most of her stance.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Garrus asked.

"I'm fine. I'm not feeling well, that's all. I just had a memory shock of some sort."

"What just happened?"

"I remembered something... the rain, it reminded me about that day."

* * *

 _It had been four days since the burning of Mindoir. The murderous slavers were long gone, along with the rest of her family, friends and what_ _was left of her old life. Now she was cowering for her life in a cave, in the wilderness, along with Xavier. He was badly injured from a bloody fight with one of the slavers, who almost took 'advantage' of her when he cornered her. Despite the slaver being well armed, Xavier managed to take him down, barely. Now he was barely clinging onto his life._

 _Shepard managed to bring back bits of food from the outside. Mostly food scraps that she could find, while scouring the ruins of her hometown. She also managed to pick up some leftover medigel and morphine for Xavier. Unfortunately, they didn't help him to recover. It only helped to delay the inevitable._

" _Elly?" Xavier called out to her._

 _Shepard was checking outside of the cave, watching the rain, when she heard him. She quickly rushed to his side._

" _Is there's something you need?" She asked._

" _No, not really. It's been a long day, hasn't it?"_

" _It has, Xav. Still no sign of them."_

" _Don't worry about it. I'm sure they'll come to us at any moment."_

" _But.. but..."_

" _It's alright. Everything is going to be alright."_

" _It's not alright,_ y _ou're hurt and... Damn the Alliance, why they are not here when we need them..."_

 _Xavier gently placed his fingers on her lips, ushering her to be still, before pulling her closer to him. Despite his injuries, he managed to hold her down in his arms, while allowing her head to rest onto his chest. She could hear him faintly coughing, as she was about to attend to him, but he refused to let her go._

" _You need to get some rest." Xavier remarked._

" _No, I can't. I still need to do something about that injury."_

" _Elly... can you just stay with me for a moment, please?"_

 _Shepard made a small nod at him, before resigning herself lay down beside him, she snuggled him closer and noticed the unusual coldness from his body. She reached out towards his blanket and covered the both of them. As she looked up at him, his once brilliant blue eyes began to dull, he looked more delirious and unfocused._

" _Xav... are you sure you're alright? You look... terrible."_

" _I'm fine... I always feel fine when you're around."_

" _This is not a joke. I'm serious."_

" _I'm serious too. I'm... glad that you're here beside me. If anything happens... I just wanted to tell you that... I love you, Elly."_

 _Shepard shook her head, "No, don't even say that. We'll come out of this alive. We can and we will!"_

" _Still stubborn as before, eh?" Xavier remarked as he gently stoked her cheeks, before he pulled her closer and gently started to kiss her in desperation. She instinctively closed her eyes, while her fingers lightly touched his cheeks. It felt cold, too cold for her liking. Then afterwards, his grip started to loosen and she could feel the warmth from him fading away further. She quickly grabbed his hand and held it close to her cheek._

" _No! You can't just leave me like this! You promised me that you'll be here for me!" Shepard cried._

 _Xavier explored her cheek with his thumb and weakly replied to her, "Don't worry, you'll never be alone."_

* * *

"Then he was gone... just like that." Shepard closed her eyes as she turned away from Garrus.

He was speechless about the whole story. Garrus wasn't exactly sure how to approach her. Still he had to do something about it. He was about to console her, when he felt the raindrops getting through the shield. He looked around and noticed the biotic field began to fade away, as her focus began to waver. The next moment, Shepard quickly walked away from him, without saying a word to him. Something was not right.

"Shepard!" Garrus called out to her, but she continued to move on, ignoring him.

He ran after her. When he caught up to her, he grabbed her right arm. She angrily tried to fight off his grip but he still managed to held it firmly in his grasp.

"Get off me!" Shepard yelled.

"Would you just stop that!" Garrus growled before reaching up and turning her whole body to face him. She glowered furiously at first, he was half expecting her unleash her anger onto him, but then she started to avoid his gaze.

"What's the matter?" Garrus asked.

The lingering silence continued, as Shepard became unresponsive. He was not good with this, especially when dealing with women who gave him the silent treatment, but he's going to try to coax her out of her shell.

"Shepard... I know you're in a lot of pain, but please... talk to me. If there's anything I can do... just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"What can you do... when you regret getting too close to someone?" Shepard asked.

"What do you mean by that?"

He could feel her arms trembling as she slowly looked up to him. His heart was beating when he looked at her. He could see the tears that were starting to form at the corner of her eyes, the pupils growing larger.

"Xavier was the first person I lost. Over the years, I lost a lot of good people, more than I wanted to. Some of them were my close friends... and now, I'm going to lose more in this damn mission. Including... you."

Garrus was speechless. He wasn't sure how he could reassure her, especially when she was right about the chances of surviving the mission was nil at worst. He could have given her some false hope, maybe joked about his high chance of survival after that incident on Omega, but he knew she wouldn't buy it.

Shepard continued, "Damn it... I should have told you to get lost, instead of taking you into my crew two years ago... this is all my fault. If I didn't taken you in, maybe you'd be safe within the walls of C-Sec..."

"I don't want to be safe. I want to stay with you, fighting until the end... that's all I've ever wanted."

He watched as Shepard averted her gaze from him again. From the way she was closing her eyes, he can tell that she was trying really hard not betray herself. Then all the sudden, Garrus instinctively pulled her in and gently held her in his arms. He was surprised with his own actions, especially when he usually tried to refrain himself from stepping into her personal boundaries. He was half expecting her to resist him from his hold, but instead he felt her arms folding around him, while nestling her head against his chest. No struggles, no arguments, no awkwardness. Just Elly accepting his embrace.

For what it was worth, he didn't mind the rain beating down on him, as long he was able to be at her side.

* * *

The next solar morning, Shepard stumbled out of her room and into the elevator. Still feeling exhausted from yesterday's events and the lack of sleep, She decided to head down to the Mess Hall to grab herself a mug of coffee, hoping it would give her a swift kick. She clumsily poked the interface button in the elevator and waited until it reached its destination.

As she was walking towards the kitchen counter, she heard a loud sneeze coming from the med-bay. She arched her right eyebrow in curiosity and headed towards the med-bay, just to check on the patient. Once the automatic door opened in front of her, she was greeted with more sneezes. She casually leaned her back against the doorway, watching at a distance, as Dr. Chakwas bickered with the patient.

To Shepard's bemusement, it was Garrus.

"What do you mean I'm not allowed to work?" Garrus yelled indignantly. He continued, "Just because I've come down with a cold..."

"It's a bad case of influenza you're talking about, Vakarian. I'm sorry but you have to stay in bed for today."

Then Dr. Chakwas noticed Shepard at the doorway. She greeted the Commander while explaining the predicament that Garrus was currently stuck in, before she headed out of the Med-Bay, leaving the two of them alone. Shepard pulled a nearby chair and sat down next to Garrus. He was about to get up, but she ushered him to stay put.

"Shepard... are you alright?" Garrus asked.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking but... I'm more concerned about you. I've heard something about a flu..."

"Don't worry about it. I'm still alive, although I think Miranda is trying to kill me, by making me chase you in the rain."

Shepard bit her lip, while looking at him guiltily. "I'm sorry about that. I've should have tried to maintain the field much longer."

"Don't worry about it. As long you're not the one getting the cold, influenza, whatever, I'm fine with it."

She gently gripped Garrus' hand firmly, while he looked up to her intently.

"Garrus, I wanted to thank you for... being here. I don't know how I could get through this mission without you."

"Well, you're the one who masterminded a one way ticket to the void for Saren, I'm sure you'd figure out something." Garrus jested.

"You're awfully quick with metaphors."

"What can I say? The human language is quite interesting to say the least."

"Fair enough... Still, I owe you a lot, especially for yesterday."

"Shepard, we're... friends. You don't have to deal with it alone. If you need something, I'll do what I can for you."

"Then would you be able to stay with me till the end? And when I say staying with me, I mean... not dying."

She felt a tight squeeze from Garrus' grip, as he tried to reassure her. He replied, "Of course. No matter what happens."

Shepard wasn't sure if Garrus was over-confident about his answer, especially when the chances for their survival in their mission were low. Still at least it was reassuring to hear Garrus' determination to stay at her side. At least when the mission came, she knew that she wouldn't be alone this time.


	12. The Talk

The bright lights shone above while the medical drone continued to scan the irises. Shepard was laying motionless on a bed, trying to relax while Dr. Chakwas finished her routine. After a while, the drone pulled itself away from her.

"It's done, Commander. Everything seems to be normal" Dr. Chakwas replied.

Shepard made a small sigh in relief. She slowly lifted herself up from the bed, still trying to shake off the after effect flash from her eyes. Once her eyesight was cleared up, she slid off the bedside and started to approach the doctor. The cybernetics that were implanted inside of her body served her well, considering she was technically undead However, she still felt uneasy about it, especially considering the donor in question was Cerberus. Despite Miranda's reassurance about the lack of a control chip inside of her brain, Shepard was still sceptical. She knew the Illusive Man was smart enough to have some sort of back up plan, in case she was stepping her toe out of the line.

She hated the idea of having a leash wrapped around her neck, especially if it had a Cerberus tag. One of those days, she would find a way to snap it in half and tell The Illusive Man where to shove it. No-one, not even him, could hold her back.

"So, nothing unusual, really?" Shepard asked.

"The cybernetics are functioning in a proper manner. I still don't see any sign of abnormal activity nor any sort of hidden indoctrination triggers at this time. However, there are unusual brainwave activity happening at certain times, affecting the heart rate. Also I've noticed a chemical hormonal change."

Then Dr. Chakwas gave her a suspicious look. "Have you been giving Vakarian 'personal debriefings' lately?"

"Well, it's normal that I should check up on my crew regularly, including Garrus..."

"But you've been thinking about him."

Shepard made a resigned sigh. While she could hide a few things from Kelly, it was near impossible with Dr. Chakwas. It didn't help that she'd been with her for a long time, since the days back on the old Normandy.

"Honestly, you already know the answer. Even if I wanted to... well he's a turian."

Dr. Chakwas gave her a small smile, "Well, you know him better than I do. Just be honest about it and express your feelings towards him."

"It may sound simple, but I don't think turian courting would be similar to ours."

"That's why you should be yourself when talking to him, Shepard. Turian males are attracted to strong women. You have quite a bit of strength at the tip of your fingers already, so there's nothing to be worried about."

Shepard crossed her arms and gave her a suspicious look. "So doc, where did you hear about this?"

"From different sources. You'll be surprised how much a doctor picks up..."

Before Dr. Chakwas was about to finish her sentence, there was a loud thud coming from outside of the Med-Bay, followed by muffled angry shouts. Shepard pressed her forehead against her fingertips, before shaking her head. She recognised the voices and started to suspect why they were angry in the first place.

"Excuse me for a moment Doc. I think I need to 'politely' remind them that this isn't junior high," Shepard grumbled, before storming out of the Med-Bay.

* * *

There was always tension within the SR-2 Normandy, due to the nature of the mission. Garrus felt silly to admit it, but he preferred the old days, where everyone was high spirits. Nowdays, the knowledge and certainty of death within this mission had already dampened everyone's outlook, but the strained relations between their comrades made the whole situation even more daunting.

A loud, violent thud echoed outside of the Main Battery. He quickly stopped his work and walked out to the Mess Hall, just to check out the commotion. There was a crowd gathering outside of Miranda's private quarters; most of them seemed to look troubled. Then he heard intense shouting behind the door. He recognised those voices. One was Miranda, and to his dismay, the other person was Jack.

This was a bad day, all things considered.

While he admitted that he had been half expecting to see a situation like this coming, since Jack was always itching to strangle Miranda at any time of the day, he was hoping a bit too much when it came to a peaceful atmosphere on the ship. He had to remind himself that this was not the old Normandy crew that he knew fondly from before, nor the professionalism that he had grown to admire. In fact, he recalled that even the tension between him and Wrex didn't end up in a violent brawl. The closest thing, when it came to contests, was a race to see who could stack up the most kills between them throughout the mission. As far as they both knew, it was a draw, with Shepard ruining their contest when she took the final shot at Saren.

The sounds of screaming and glass breaking was still ongoing. He crossed his arms and exhaled in exasperation. If there was one thing he didn't get with humans, it was the way they deal with the build up of stress in a human military ship. It was very different from the way turians usually approached it.

The next moment, the ship's speakers came to life as Joker activated the mic back on the bridge, causing the Mess Hall to fall silence as the rest of the crew focused on the helmsman's exasperated tone, trying to call Shepard over to remedy the situation.

 _"Commander, Jack and Miranda are in the middle of a... 'disagreement'. Can you head it off before they tear out a bulkhead?"_

There was a sigh from the other side of the Hall. It was Shepard, who just came out of the Med-Bay. He watched as she pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation, while shaking her head. He could have sworn that he heard her mutter something under breath, possibly some sort of human profanity.

Shepard looked up in the ceiling and rolled her eyes in irritation. "I'm on it, Joker."

 _"Take_ _p_ _ictures!"_

Garrus buried his face in his palms. While the ship was under threat of being ripped apart by two angry biotic women, all could Joker think of was taking pictures of them? Human males, he didn't understood them sometimes. Garrus watched as Shepard quickly waved her right arm into the air, shrouding her body with a vivid violet aura, activating a biotic shield, before marching towards the room. As soon she was close enough, the door automatically slid open. She was greeted with a cold breeze, as Miranda and Jack manoeuvred around the room, trying to outdo each other with their biotic prowess.

"Alright, what's going..."

Before Shepard could finish her sentence, her eyes widened when she saw the chair flying towards her at a fast pace. She quickly dodged to the side, barely avoiding it by a few seconds. The chair then slammed into a nearby wall with a loud thud, causing a commotion at the Mess Hall, while the turian's mandibles twitched nervously for her. She glared at the both of them, her eyes lit brightly with anger.

"Enough! Stand down, the both of you!"

While her tone was restrained with her professionalism, he knew deep down somewhere, she was really pissed. They should have known better than to get on her bad side, even if one of them was a skilled operative and the other was a dangerous criminal. He was about reach out and try to calm her down, when she quickly stepped into the room and the door closed behind her. Garrus sighed and started to pace around the room, trying to think up something that would ease her anger down once she was done dealing with them. Spirits knew that this ship didn't need a grouchy Commanding Officer, especially if it Shepard.

Then EDI appeared right before him, interrupting his thoughts.

"Officer Vakarian, you may want to speak to Dr. Solus as soon as possible."

"What? Right now? What about Shepard?" Garrus protested.

"Don't worry. I'll be watching over the progress between the Commander, Operative Lawson and Jack."

"Alright, alright. I'll go up to see him. He'd better have a good reason to call me over at this moment."

"Logging you out, Vakarian."

* * *

Garrus gave an uneasy glance at the metallic doors that lead to the science lab, where Mordin usually spent his time, even at break sessions. He also rarely conversed with the other crew members, unless it involved his scientific experiments, hence it was unusual for Mordin to call him in. Whatever Mordin wanted to discuss, Garrus was pretty sure this wouldn't be a pleasant topic. He took a deep breath and tapped briskly on the holographic interface, hoping that he could get this meeting over and done with.

"Mordin," Garrus greeted the aging salarian doctor, while stepping into the science lab cautiously.

"Ah! Garrus! Good timing, wanted to discuss medical issues... very important."

"Is it about my cybernetic implants?"

Mordin waved both of his hands, shaking his head, "No, no, no. Cybernetics fine. Just wanted to discuss other medical issues."

"Other medical issues?" Garrus asked cautiously. He had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going.

"Yes. Aware that the mission is dangerous. Different species reacted differently to stress. Sexual activity normal stress relief for both turians... and _humans._ "

"Humans?" Garrus yelled, expressing his shock and disgust.

"Yes, humans. Didn't notice that Shepard is a human?"

"Of course I know that! Since when were any humans and turians 'releasing tension' together?"

"Hmm... more ignorant than I thought. Still, bring a bottle of wine and flowers when a human woman proposes a date. Helps to be there on time of the meeting. They hate waiting; emotionally tipped species. Picking the right atmosphere and music would also help put her in the right mood."

"Now, just a minute..."

"Human skin not as durable. A single scratch could turn into an open wound if being careless. File the talons on the night before. Also see me afterwards, to mend broken bones."

Garrus gave him a dumbstruck look, his jaw hanging loose. "Broken... bones? Are you joking? This sounds more like a sparring session."

"No joke. Mixing biotics and intercourse can be hazardous. Shepard's a biotic, naturally."

Garrus wanted to walk out of the lab. He was feeling disgusted with this topic. Mordin's nonchalant reaction, while discussing the workings of interspecies relationships explicitly, made him feel uncomfortable in more ways than one. Still, he had a nagging feeling in his gut that was telling him to continue on listening to Mordin, something that he might not regret later on.

"Is there something else I should know about it?"

Mordin took a deep sniff before he replied. "Humans based on levo amino acids. Allergic reaction can range between mild to fatal, if exchange and consume tissue between the two. So... do not ingest. Also remind Shepard about the dangers as well."

Garrus made a soft sigh beneath Mordin's earshot. The anxiety of trying to find proper words to propose taking their friendship further seemed to be the least of his problems now. He would never have thought that trying to keep her happy romantically would be so hard, nor dangerous. The spirits must have been playing up again, laughing in their amusement, at the cost of his predicament. Guess it must be the price he had to pay for falling for a human woman.

Mordin flicked his omni-tool on. "Sending booklets and vids to your personal terminal, containing diagrams on the human anatomy, erogenous zones, comfortable positions, creative uses with biotics."

"Uh... thanks I guess." Garrus rubbed the back of his neck.

"Will be here if you need me. Studying reproduction cells, less dangerous and less chest pounding bravado."

Afterwards, Garrus briskly walked out of the labs and into the CIC, trying his best to keep his face straight while not wincing from that talk. Especially while he was walking pass Kelly, who was busy typing something down onto her terminal. He felt relieved that she didn't see him. The last he needed was someone walking up to him and starting talking. He wasn't in the mood to talk, not after he just finished listening to Mordin's advice.

He was about to poke the holographic buttons, when the elevator opened in front of him. If he was a human, the hair on the back of his neck would have stood-up right then: of all the people he had to run into at that time, it had to be Shepard.

"Commander!"

Shepard gave him a quizzical look. "Garrus, I thought passed the formalities a long time ago."

"Yes we did. Sorry about it. Reflex, you know. Old habits die hard as they say."

Shepard beckoned him to step into the elevator. After she finished tapping the buttons, she lean casually at the back wall, while waiting for the elevator to reach its destination.

"So Garrus, drinks? Or you're busy with the new cannon that was just installed recently?"

"No, I'm good but... what about you? I thought you were busy with the reports," Garrus replied.

"They can wait for tomorrow. After dealing Jack and Miranda, I think my mind is fried."

"Is that physically possible?"

"Metaphors, Garrus. Memory modules, the brain of the blue box. See the connection?"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Just head to the Main Battery first, I'll get the drinks.

* * *

The Main Battery was filled with echoes of laughter, as they were drinking and exchanging stories. Garrus was leaning against the railing, clutching the bottle in one hand, allowing his whole mind to relax. While Shepard was retelling her past missions to him, he noticed that she seemed to be more open than usual, especially when she talked about her time before she was posted on the Normandy, some of them involved her a stirring a few higher ups in the Alliance Military.

"...Then we accidentally made a new crater on that moon, while blowing up that terrorist base in the process."

"That's hell of a way to get promoted and get assigned to the Normandy," Garrus remarked.

"Not really. If it weren't for Anderson and Nihilus, I would be stuck on the Kapyong for another decade, with the Alliance Military labelling me as a risk."

"You know, speaking of that. It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way turians do."

Shepard lifted her right eyebrow in curiosity. "I thought you'd be used to high risk operations on human ships. I mean, think about tracking Saren to Ilos."

"Sure, but that was quick. We raced out, blew up some geth, and saved the galaxy. This time we've got Miranda, Cerberus and that AI; all telling us what we're up against... I think I preferred blind optimism."

The room went silent, as they gravely looked at each other in acknowledgement, remembering the odds they were up against. He looked down at his drink, reflecting on the mission. Before he managed to contemplate about the mission further, he heard Shepard asking him about something, in a chirpy tone.

"How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?"

He looked up and replied, "With violence, usually. The Hierarchy Military are more disciplined than the Alliance, but enforced fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam."

"What sort of ways do they relive the tension?"

"Well, all turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full contact sparring. Whichever lets people work off stress."

Shepard didn't seem too happy about it, "So they allowed crewmen to fight each other before a mission?"

"It's supervised, of course," Garrus added. "Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably."

Then he made a small chuckle under his breath, as he started to remember his time in the military. Fresh from boot camp, he was posted on a turian cruiser. By the spirits' amusement, he was unlucky enough to be on the same ship as a turian girl who was getting on his nerves. Looking back, those vitriolic spats seemed to be kids' play compared to now.

"I remember this recon scout. She was posted on the same ship that I was on. We had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. There was this one mission, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. The night before, she suggested we settle it in the ring."

"I assume that you took her down gently?" Shepard asked.

"Actually..."

* * *

 _Garrus was slouching at the edge of the ring, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel. One of his friends handed him over a canister of water. The dim florescent lights gleamed onto his exoskeleton body plates, damp with sweat from the exertion. His opponent Atia, was sitting at the other side of the ring, glaring at him. Garrus shot back a low growl, while taking another large mouthful from the canister. His friend leaned closer towards his ear_   
_and whispered._

 _"Six rounds and she's still standing. Tough girl."_

 _"She won't be standing after this round. Her blows are piss weak compare to mine." Garrus bragged._

 _"I don't know. That girl has speed and the flexibility that could give those squishy humans a run for their credits." his friend commented._

 _Then he saw a referee climb into the ring. It was almost time. Garrus got up from his spot and tossed his towel and canister to his friend. He cracked his knuckles in anticipation, while striding towards the centre. His opponent followed suit. They began shifting their posture towards a fighting stance, waiting for the signal._

 _His opponent sniped him first. "Look at you. What a complete wreck!"_

 _"Glad I've put you off. I was starting to worry that you'd fallen for me already."_

 _"In your dreams, Garrus!"_

 _"You're quite right, Atia. I'm always dreaming about you every single night, worrying about that pretty fringe of yours getting snapped in half."_

" _I'm no quarian wallflower!"Atia protested._

 _The referee blew the signal and the fight began. Garrus took the first swing, Atia dodged and quickly swiped back at the side of his torso. She tried to pull a sweeping kick, but Garrus managed to manoeuvre his feet to avoid the blow. He twisted his body and stretched his right arm, slammed his knuckles onto the sensitive part of her back. She stumbled forward and snarled ferociously, as she turned her whole body towards him._

 _The fight went on. The whole room erupted with the sound of cheering, yelling and high-pitched whistles. Some of the spectators made some thumping sounds with their feet, creating a rhythmic patten based on an old bolero. Garrus' blood was boiling, heated by the tune that echoed from his heart and the thirst to beat Atia._

 _He charged in and was about to land another blow, when the referee whistled. Time's up, the match is over. To his surprise, their commanding officer climbed into the ring and cleared his throat._

 _"It's a draw!" he yelled._

 _The whole crowd gasped, before their voices were lowered into murmurs, complaining. Garrus and Atia rushed up to the officer._

 _"Wait a minute. A draw? Why?" Garrus asked._

 _"It''s been seven matches already and I'm going allow the two of you to claw each others' eyes out? I don't think so."_

 _"But... we're so close," Atia whined._

 _"Enough! Do you want to do a disservice to our people? If not, then put your petty grudges aside and save your strength. The rest of you, get back to your quarters! We're going to have a big day tomorrow."_

 _Then the crowd dissolved, still bemoaning the anti-climatic end of the match. Garrus climbed off the ring grudgingly and started to pack up. He tossed all of his items into his bag, save for his casual military coat, which he wrapped over his shoulders. He stumbled out of the room and into the hallway. As he was making his way back to his quarters, someone pulled him forcefully from behind and into another room. He gave out an irritated growl and was about strike back, when he quickly paused for a moment. He knew who this person was._

 _"So, still in a fighting mood I see?"Atia remarked._

 _"Look, the Captain has a point. We should be concentrating on the mission."_

 _"But you're still pissed, I can tell."_

 _"So what? It's none of your business." Garrus snapped. He was about to head out of the door, when Atia rushed in front of him and locked the door. She swinged her waist suggestively._

 _Garrus snarled, expressing his annoyance. "For the love of... Would you just get out of my way? I'm not in the mood to play games tonight."_

 _"No, we're not done yet. I want a rematch. A tiebreaker." Atia replied, while pulling his coat off his shoulders. She tossed it to the other side of the room._

 _"What? In here?"_

 _Before he had the chance to point out how absurd her proposal was, she roughly tackled him to the ground. Atia was straddling comfortably on top of him, pinning him down with her weight. He made an involuntary rumbling from his chest, as she traced the tips of her talons from his neck, down to the soft section of his inner collar part. She bared her teeth out, giving him a gratifying smirk._

 _"My friends told me you have good reach. So I want to see if they were right."_

 _Garrus made a lustful growl. "If this is a rematch, then bring it."_

* * *

"We, uh, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility... more than one way to work off stress, I guess."

Garrus watched while Shepard grinned and shook her head. She was about to get up from the crate when he quickly approach her and tried to help her. Instead she ended up supporting him. The alcohol was affecting his balance.

"Ugh, how much did I drink?"

"Five." Shepard answered.

"Five? Normally I can handle much more than this..."

"I think you had enough for one night. Come on, I help you get into the pod. And don't even think about touching that terminal, Garrus. You can't even stand properly, let alone configuring the ship's weaponry."

* * *

Later that night Shepard was relaxing in her bed, looking up at the stars from the rooftop window of the ship. Despite feeling drowsy from the alcohol in her system, she couldn't sleep. She tilted her head to the left and looked over at the vacant spot next to her. Normally, she would be hogging all the space on her double size bed, a small indulgence she couldn't resist when she given the chance, but recently it didn't feel right. She reached out and patted at the empty space gently, while wistfully imagining Garrus sleeping at that spot at that very moment.

She pulled her hand back and looked up at the stars again, this time musing about finding a way to nudge their relationship a bit further than the current friend-zone they are in. Recently, she had been scouring the extranet in her breaks, trying to find answers about human-turian relationships, but she only managed to pick up meagre information. She had a nagging feeling that this type of relationship was unorthodox at best. However, she wasn't going to back down, since this might be her last chance, especially when it started to hit the fan. Still, pursuing him would be easier said than done.

Shepard began to think about that turian recon scout Garrus mentioned before. While she suspected that the whole tiebreaker moment seemed to be more of an aggressive fling, rather than a romantic love-making, it gave Shepard an idea. A really dangerous one, but an idea that she might be able share her bed with Garrus.

* * *

The next morning, after Garrus finished his breakfast in the Mess Hall, he briskly walked back the main battery and started working on the coding of the ship's cannon. He was debugging the 10th line, when he heard the door opened behind him. Not surprisingly, it was Shepard.

"Morning Garrus. Have you got a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," Garrus replied.

Shepard poked her head outside of the room, checking to see if there's anyone nearby, before closing the door behind her. It was strange to see her acting all secretive. Either there was something really wrong with the mission or she pissed Miranda off again. Whatever it was, this didn't look good.

"Do you remember our talk from last night? About the crewmen sparring to relive the tension?"

"Of course. What about it?" Garrus asked. Something in his gut told him that he'd be kicking himself later.

Shepard continued, "Well, it sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help get rid of it."

Garrus blankly stared at her. At first he thought it was a dream or his mind wasn't waking up properly. After a moment, he realised that this was real and his was feeling fine.

"I, ah... didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Shepard."

She shook her head. "What if we skip to the tie breaker? We could test your reach..."

Shepard glided towards the terminal. Garrus watched as she swayed her hips slowly in a provocative manner, pushing him away from the terminal gently. She turned herself to face him, as she leaned back against the terminal.

Then she finished off, "... and my flexibility."

"Oh! I didn't..." Garrus quickly turned away from her, feeling flustered from her approach. He started to mumble, "Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars."

He couldn't believe what he had heard. Shepard was propositioning him? He took a sneak peek at her, who gave him a flirtatious smile. Shit, she was really serious about this. The whole time he had been thinking of a way to make his move, when Shepard just quickly barged in and dragged him out into the open. That's one hell of a woman. Still, he wasn't not going to say no to this.

Garrus turned to face her, "Well why the hell not? There's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. And if we can figure out a way to make it work, then... yeah. Definitely."


End file.
